Elizabeth looked at the huge pile of papers on her desk and sighed. Her chief military officer usually had to be threatened to do mission reports, but when he finally wrote them he didn't cut corners. The stuff on the desk represented almost a year's worth of missions, and would probably take her hours to read.

Her eye fell on a single sheet of paper as she was picking up the first heavy treatise.

Siege III

We thought this was the end of it all

And the city was going to fall

I was on a suicide mission

With some nuclear fission

'Till Caldwell's fortuitous call


Elizabeth grinned. Obviously John couldn't completely bring himself to focus.



From Earth, on the way back

The computers went out of whack

A virus sent by the hive

Crashed Windows 95

Bill Gates, you are such a hack.



This was when we met Dex

Who can bench press several car wrecks

He found McKay in a tree

And soon cut him free

Can I keep him? He will save our necks


This last one led to a snort. Ronon often acted like a big, enthusiastic puppy who knocked things over while wagging his tail.



Laura Cadman got stuck with McKay

In his head for more than a day

They bickered galore

And bitched at Dr. Z more

And poor Beckett sure earned his pay!


Poor Carson, indeed. Elizabeth wasn't sure who was more embarrassed: him or Rodney. At least the physician got a new girlfriend out of it, though…



On Olesia all was not well

Their leaders were going to hell

To save their own skin

They fed the Wraith their own kin

It's only their souls they did sell.



There once was a man named McKay

Who had a penchant for saving the day

'Til one afternoon

A planet went boom

And now he stays out of my way!


Ooh. She was still pissed at both of them for that!



Beckett was finding a way

To turn a Wraith back to human today

A young girl at wit's end

Thought herself it could mend

Only to find it was no child's play



Ellia bit me in the arm

Almost led to me buying the farm

I was becoming a bug

Despite powerful drugs

Until a last-minute cure stopped the harm


Elizabeth shuddered. She'd really thought they were going to lose him. And what a horrible way to die! She couldn't imagine feeling her humanity slipping away, although she suspected people with Alzheimer's experienced something similar.



An Ancient ship fighting a war

With a crew too old for much more

Against the Wraith they did strive

And found a way to beat the Hive

Remember us, they did implore


Lost Boys

Lieutenant Ford showed up again

With a band of not-so-merry men

He planned to blow up a Hive

But it just didn't jive

Even with a little help from his friends



Rodney thought he was shit out of luck

And knew he was totally stuck

So he almost OD'ed

To cause himself to be freed

And withdrawal did totally suck


Talk about stating the obvious! When it was all over, Rodney looked like he'd been put through the wringer. Carson didn't look much better, either.



I was bored out of my head

Hanging on to hope by a thread

Those people were nice

But their life had no spice

And they had me fight the Beast in their stead


Critical Mass

Steve had a snake in his head

He wanted to make us all dead

And the truth was out there

In his glowing-eyed stare

But we blamed Kavanagh instead


Elizabeth frowned. Not her proudest moment.


Grace Under Pressure

There once was a woman named Sam

And McKay was her biggest fan

Trapped under the sea

It was her he did see

Alone in that giant tin can


The Tower

We found a city of opulent means

That was run by some dumb kings and queens

They seemed to be doing quite well

But how was I to tell

That they just wanted to get into my genes


Rodney had done a lot of snarking about "Captain Kirk" after that particular mission.


The Long Goodbye

Lizzie got a gun

And thought it would be fun

To hunt my ass

While yelling sass

She almost killed me before she was done!


She was so going to get John for that one.


Coup D'Etat

The Genii were not very nice

They'd kill you as soon as look twice

Then Ladon thought it would be fine

To send Cowen back to DS9

A nuke did the job in a trice!



We created a new guy named Mike

And told him it's us he was like

He's human against his will

And probably out there still

Awaiting the best time to strike


Elizabeth grimly made a note to herself to never let the CMO see that particular bit of verse.



The volcano was going to blow

Killing us all in the lava flow

But Rodney was smitten

With a scientific sex kitten

And saved our asses again, don't you know


It was official. The people she worked with were three year-olds.



It was a deal too good to be true

Offered by Michael's Wraith crew

Get rid of some of the bugs

In exchange for Beckett's new drugs

But they also claimed Earth as their due


After finishing the last limerick, Elizabeth wished there were more. Secretly, she agreed with John that writing and reading mission reports was a drag. Suddenly an evil grin crossed her face. How much would O'Neill pay to see these?