Authors' note: First and foremost this is a collaborative effort between Tiger-cub684 and I. She can be found here: www . fanfiction . net/u/1069652/ (but without the spaces)
This is just a bit of fun, we will try to keep in character when giving advice but do not blame us for strange silliness and silly strangeness. It's not our fault. We were born that way.
(On the Gryffindor notice board pinned up on top of a very important message concerning not letting off dungbombs in the passageways.)
The wonderful, marvellous, beneficent, amazing, remarkable, outstanding, stupendous, dazzling, astounding, stunning, superb and extremely good looking Marauders are proud to announce that from herein The Marauders Advice Thingy now exists! The idea is YOU ask US for advice and we reply with our guidance, better judgement and inherently witty remarks. So let it begin!
Messers Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.
James if I catch you in my underwear draws again I will personally RIP OUT YOUR STOMACH. With my bare hands. Got it?
PS. Just out of curiosity, how did you even get into my dorm?
I will take your comment to heart and next time I will not let you catch me. Thanks for the heads up though, really appreciate it.
As for your other question, that is Classified Marauder Knowledge. Chaos would reign if anyone else were to know about the secret passageway just behind the painting of the flying pigs in the Gryffindor common room to which the password is 'flobberworm'. People would just walk in and out of the girls' dormitories as they please and we all know how terrible that would be.
Someone's told everyone about a secret passageway into the girls' dormitories and now I can't get a single minute of privacy. Last night someone stole all Lily Evans' skirts and any one of us could be next. What should I do?
-Desperate Gryffindor Girl
Dear Desperate Gryffindor Girl,
I think I know who's responsible for Lily's missing skirts and I would just like to state that they are an IMMATURE BERK and should be LOCKED UP for the good of the wizarding world.
Anyway I suggest putting a jinxed lock on your door. You can get them from Zonko's and even though they are meant to be items of pranks and what not they are still very handy for keeping people out of things. Get one and observe what happens to the offending perpetrator, it is quite amusing.
My hands are covered in the most MONSTROUS and PAINFULL boils! I have been forced to dictate to Moony to write this. I'd just like to know WHO TOLD THEM ABOUT THAT LOCK.
Why are you writing to our Advice Thingy? We created it. We do not ask advice from ourselves despite how fantastic we are at giving it. I have noticed your boils, because I HAVE THEM TOO (I too am dictating to Said Moonikins). So does EVERYONE. Except for Moony, lucky bugger
You seem to be the ONLY marauder that actually gives GOOD and USEFUL advice. So I have decided to direct my question to you. In Defense we're studying werewolves and I can't seem to remember anything about them. Can you help?
You know I was never really uh... any good at this werewolf business. Perhaps you'd be better off asking one of the others.
HE IS LYING. Moony is practically an EXPERT on werewolves. But I'm not. Ask James or Sirius.
THEY BOTH LIE. Really, all the time. Pathological liars the both of them. I'm afraid that I AM YOUR LAST BATTALION OF HOPE. Because dear old Prongsie is off chasing the fair maiden who, as legend tells us, is destined to RIP OUT HIS STOMACH. With her bare hands. Which, if you ask me, is just her way of saying, "I love you and I want to have your babies!"
But ANYWAY. Werewolves. Well, they are people who turn into these big ugly monster beasts every month during the full moon. They have funny eyes and smelly breath even when they're not transformed. Scrap that, ESPECIALLY when they're not transformed. I mean really, there's bad breath and there's BAD BREATH. If you want anymore help go to the bloody library.
I apologise on behalf of Messer Padfoot and Messer Wormtail for being UGLY GITS. I have decided to help your cause. The library is FULL of excellent and informative books on this subject, and indeed, any other subject you can think of. You should look there for information.
Authors' note: I hope you enjoyed these and would like to know if you did (:cough:review:cough:) or didn't. Also if you have any questions for the Marauders give either Tiger-cub684 or me a yell and we will see what we can do.