Summery: In which, Sirius sings the song we all guiltily love; 'Baby Got Back', to the Marauders. Songfic?
Diaclaimer: J.K.Rowlings. Though Sirius' actions, are completly of my creation. Song belongs to Sir Mix-A-Lot. Props to him.
A/N: This one is weird, and I'm willing to admit it. Lol, it came to me while I was listening to the song 'Baby Got Back' by Sir Mix-A-Lot, and I thought 'Sirius would so sing this song.' So in my fic here, you see - gestures to screen - I have him singing it! Much to the continual disturbance of the rest of the Marauders.
I STRONGLY recommend listening to the song 'Baby Got Back' after reading this, and immagining Sirius singing it, while doing all the things I make him do in the fic! Lol, its hilarious to imagine.
Hopefully this is funny. Enjoy!
Baby Got Back
Baby Got Back
Remus sat peacefully on his bed in the 6th year Boy's Dormitories, reading, as James and Peter were playing cards on James' bed, with the Radio playing next to them.
It was then that Remus heard it, a tune on the radio starting up, and the Radio Presenter announcing the name of said song. He stopped reading.
Remus was immediately alarmed.
He turned to share a look with James and Peter, whose faces mirrored his panic. Then, turning to face the bathroom door with fear, where Sirius was currently having a shower, he hoped to god the boy couldn't hear the song.
He knew it was futile though, as he heard the music magically increase in volume, and a sudden stopping of the shower.
They had no escape.
Sirius came bursting out of the bathroom door, dressed in only a towel, as the song suddenly started up- Sirius singly along loudly.
"I LIKE BIG BUTTS!" He sang loudly and proudly,
"And I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny!" He said pointing accusingly at James and Peter,
"That when a girl walks in with a itty-bitty waist, and a round thing in your face you get -SPRUNG-!"
Sirius danced around, thrusting his hips for emphasis.
"Wanna pull up front, cuz you notice that butt was stuffed! Deep in the jeans she's wearing, I'm hooked and I can't stop staring!"
He jumped in the air and landed sticking his butt out to James, who grimaced.
He turned to Remus and seductively hoisted him up and into his arms.
"Oh, baby I wanna get with ya! And take your picture!" He sang, "My homeboys tried to warn me, but with that butt you got-"
"Makes me so horny!" The female voices on the radio sang.
Remus' face was crimson and he cursed himself for being so easily perturbed.
"Ooh, rub all of that smooth skin." Sirius ran his hands over his boyfriend's back, and Remus turned a deeper red. Looking at James and Peter, he found them mortified. Sirius just continued his song;
"You say you wanna get in my Benz? Well use me! Use me! Cuz you ain't that average GROU-PY!"
Sirius wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, now releasing Remus from his grasp and dancing his way over to James and Peter.
"I've seen them dancin', to hell with romancin'! She sweat, wet, got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette!"
They both paled.
"I'm tired of magazines, saying flat butt's are the thing! Take the average black man, and ask him that she gotta pack much back! So,"
James and Peter looked scared, as Sirius pulled out his wand and flung a spell at them.
"Yeah!" James and Peter were forced to yelled back in time with the song, looking mortified.
"Has your girlfriend got the butt?"
"Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it! Shake that healthy butt! Baby got back!"
Sirius did a short break-dance, totally immersing himself in the song, while the other three Marauders were slowly becoming disturbed.
Next, Sirius rounded on Remus again, and grabbed the smaller boys hips as he sang and swayed to the music.
"I like 'em ROUND, and BIG! And when I'm throwin' a gig, I just can't help myself, I'm actin like an animal, now here's my scandal!" Sirius slapped Remus' behind in time to the music, and Remus jumped.
"I wanna get you home! And -UGH-! Double up, -UGH-! -UGH-!" Sirius thrust his hips forward, making Remus' jaw drop. This was soft porn, surely.
"I ain't talkin' bout Playboy." Sirius looked at Remus lustfully, "Cuz silicone parts were made for toys!"
"I want 'em real thick and juicy, so find that juicy double! Mix-A-Lot's in trouble! Beggin' for a piece of that bubble!"
Remus was so embarrassed; he knew James and Peter were silently blaming him for putting the Radio on in the first place. And for having such an out-of-control boyfriend, who was molesting them all visually.
"So I'm lookin' at rock videos," He affronted James suddenly, James took on a look of peril. "Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like HOES!" He pretended to whisper to James, "You can have them bimbos! I'll keep my women like Flo Jo!" He gestured to Remus. James blushed and he stuttered.
"A word to the thick soul sistas, I wanna get with ya! I won't cus or hit ya!"
He returned to Remus, instead taking his hand and looking steamily at him,
"But I gotta be straight, when I say I wanna FUCK!" Remus opened his mouth in horror and surprise at Sirius.
"'TIL. THE. BREAK. OF. DAWN!"
Remus' eyes were like saucers.
"Yeah!" James and Peter were compelled to put on girly, high-pitched voices (becoming red in the face as they did, against they're control.)
"You wanna role in my Mercedes?"
"Well then turn around, and stick it out, even white boys got to shout, baby got back!"
Sirius broke into dance again, body moving in shark movements and shaking his hair.
"So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda, But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her HONDA!"
Sirius used emphasis, this time slapping Peter's behind. Peter squealed.
"My ANACONDA- Don't. Want. None. Unless. You've. Got. Buns. Hon!"
Sirius stroked himself 'sexily' as he sang. All three Marauders mentally cringed.
"So ladies if the butt is ROUND, and you wanna triple-X THROW DOWN, Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot, and kick them nasty thoughts. Baby got BACK!"
Sirius did one last break-dance as the music stopped.
Remus, James and Peter all glared at Sirius, still dressed in his towel. They were horribly embarrassed, and frankly disturbed, not to mention feeling totally violated. Remus shook his head at his boyfriend in wonder.
There was a tense silence for a few minutes. But Peter broke the silence soon after, suddenly shrieking; "AHHHHHH! MY VIRGIN EARS!" And ran out of the room, arms flailing.
James stuttered incomprehensibly, mind turned to mush, until he too fled from the room, yelling something similar to "Must. Find. LILY!"
Remus turned to Sirius, and laughed out loud.
Sirius just grinned, wiped his brow, and sighed contentedly.
"Gotta love that song!"
A/N: Don't we all? I know I do.