A Day "Out"
By SperryDee (aka Morlock)
Disclaimer: "Sometimes you burn bridges; other times, you have to napalm them."
There are always laws governing a mutant's powers. Kurt cannot teleport farther than five miles in any direction, Bobby has to have ambient moisture to use his powers, you get the drift. It's no different for Jamie: there's always one random clone that acts like a complete idiot.
Another law is that the clones, to some degree, have a sense of autonomy. That means Jamie sometimes can have no idea what a clone is doing until said clone either fades or is reabsorbed. So it was simply a matter of time before a ORC (one random clone) wandered off and did proverbially idiotic things while Jamie had no knowledge. And Murphy's Law said it would happen at a particularly inconvenient time, which is also true. And this is the story of that one random clone and his adventures. Enjoy.
The ORC had popped out after Jamie had been playing a game of touch football and had ran smack-dab into Scott. So many clones had popped out, no one noticed the ORC wander off.
The ORC wandered off the grounds, walking around Bayville. He wanted to talk to someone...and that's when he saw someone! A pretty someone! "Hi, there!"
The girl narrowed her eyes. "Aren't you one of the X-Men? Multiple Boy...or something?" She went back to the Anne Rice novel she was reading.
"Well, kinda. I'm one of his clones!"
"My name's...Spongebob! No, not that. Erm...Frank? No...Sparky! Yes, Sparky is my name! Hooray, I have a name! Yay!"
"Whatever." She walked away, muttering.
He walked off, singing. "How many idiots can there be? You're the Dee Dee Dee..."
And then he ran into someone. Or more accurately, he fell through a hole in the street, landing on someone. Someone's head, to be even more exact.
"Hey. Watch where you're going, sssmall one..." The pale man looked at him. "Ssstrange. Caliban isss not getting a normal reading from you...it isss like a mutant, but at the sssame time, very different." He concentrated. "Your name iss...Sssparky?"
"Jusssst leave Caliban alone, okay? Caliban isss getting ready for a date."
"Oooh! Who with?"
"None of your beessswax."
"Is it a girl?"
"Is she a mutant?"
"Ssshut up, Sssparky."
"A girl mutant...let me see...is it Kitty?"
Caliban blanched, something not thought possible. "How did you guesss?"
"Jamie overheard Kitty talking to Rogue about how pale guys were sexy, and mentioned that she had a boyfriend named Caliban. So I put two and two together and got a llama!"
Caliban edged away from the ORC. He was seriously creeped out. "Goodbye, sssmall, ssscary clone."
Sparky continued wandering off down the tunnels. And then he saw two people doing things he'd only ever seen in illustrations from when Jamie "borrowed" Rogue's copy of the Kama Sutra. Sparky's eyes widened. "Watcha doin'?"
Okay, that killed the mood. Evan turned around, cursing. "What the?"
"Hi! I'm Sparky! And you're naked!"
Callisto snorted from beneath Evan. Evan glared.
"I'm not God! Oprah Winfrey is!"
Callisto shook her head. "I'm guessing your the one random clone that always pops out?"
"I'll take that as a yes. Can you –please- go somewhere else?"
"Because Evan and I are busy."
"Can I help?"
Evan nearly choked on his own saliva. "Um, I think not. Go run along and erm...bug Torpid or something. Please?"
"Okay!" Sparky shrugged, running off.
Sparky then found a girl with large gloves. She was pretty. "Hi, pretty girl. I'm Sparky!"
The girl giggled.
"Are you Torpid?" The girl nodded. "Do you wanna come run around town with me?"
The girl shook her head, making a ssh-ing noise. She pointed at a sleeping baby with a shock of frizzy blonde hair. She signed something to him.
"You're babysitting? Oh, cool. Whose kid is that?" Torpid signed again. "Oh, Plague's? By the Professor? No way! Awesome!"
Just then the kid woke up and started to wail. Loudly. Torpid motioned for Sparky to hold the baby while she got a bottle of milk that Plague had left behind. Sparky picked up the swaddled infant and rocked her.
"Well, Michael Radley was ill, The Day the Earth Stood Still..." Louder cries. "Is this the real life, is this just fantasy..." Sparky tried to sing. Then he came up with a surefire winner. "Old Noah was mucking the ark one day, when he heard a shriek from the neighbouring stall. Said Noah to Ham, who was clutching his loins, oh the hedgehog can never be buggered at all..." The kid cried louder. Dang. "I suppose Cemetery Sue is out...hmmn...soothing...hah. We skipped the light fandango...turned cartwheels 'cross the floor...I was feeling kinda speechless...but the crowd called out for more..." The squalling infant quieted down as Sparky continued singing. "The room was humming harder...as the ceiling flew away. And when we called out for another drink...the waiter brought a tray..."
By the time Torpid got back with the bottle of milk, the infant was calm and staring at Sparky with wide, purplish eyes. Torpid looked impressed. She started to feed the kid, and Sparky decided it was probably time for him to leave. So he pressed a kiss to Torpid's cheek and with a "Catch you later, gorgeous," made his way back to the surface.
He walked along and found some overripe fruit. Stuffing the fruit into a grocery sack, he got an idea. He climbed to the roof of a tall building overlooking the street and sidewalk, and waited for a person – read: victim – to come along.
He didn't have to wait long: a blonde, handsome twentysomething man was walking along. 'With a suit like his, I think...banana. Yeah, that'd work best.' And with a splat, Warren Worthington III was bananafied. He stopped, cursing, and looked up. Making sure no one else was watching, he took off his coat and flew up to the roof, landing by Sparky.
"Cooool," Sparky said, in awe. "Birdman! Are you from Alcatraz? Is your name Harvey? Are you a lawyer?"
"The name's Warren Worthington III, I'm from Connecticut, and I work in advertising. And you just splattered me with overripe banana. Why?"
"Because you were a moving target. I'm Sparky!" He noticed something. "Quick! Get down! Another target!"
"It's the Mayor of Bayville..."
"Hand me a tomato!"
Warren handed Sparky a tomato, and kept one for himself. "Ready...Aim...FIRE!" With a "splatsploosh", the tomatoes made splashes of brilliant red against the mayor's white suit.
"I've been shot! I'm shot! Somebody helped!" The man screamed, flailing so hard his toupee flew off and landed on a kid's ice cream cone, causing the kid to drop the cone, disgusted, onto a passed-out wino who woke up and started cursing. Sparky grinned...this was better than TV.
The mayor was eventually carted off, still ranting about being shot. And then another target presented itself: a certain silver-haired speedster. "Eggplant?" Sparky asked.
"Watermelon." With a heave, the overripe seedless monstrosity tumbled through the air...and onto Pietro's head, knocking him flat to the pavement. Sparky whooped. "Let's kidnap him and do weird things to him!"
So fifteen minutes and fifty dollars later, the very knocked-out Pietro was in Bob's Tattoo Shoppe, getting 'Please Make All Deliveries In Rear (Down Arrow)' tattooed on his lower back. Sparky giggled. After the tattoo, they stripped him, drew on him with magic markers, and left him duct-taped to the top of the flagpole in front of Bayville High.
"What next, o Warren the Wonderful?" Sparky asked.
"I dunnooo.." Warren was clutching a bottle of tequila. "I'm Thupermaaaan.."
"Yeth, yeth I am..." He struck a manly pose. "And I like it! I will now thare the goodneth of drunkeneth with the whole world!" And then he took off, yelling "People of the world, grab a beer!"
Sparky smiled. It was late in the evening, and he felt himself getting tired. Then he heard footsteps from behind him. It was Jamie.
"Time to come back, man," Jamie said.
"NOOOO! I'm a person of my own! I have my own rights! I am not a toy! I am a living, breathing person and I demand recognition of it!"
"Just look at yourself...you're fading. Clones can only last for twelve hours max."
Sparky looked at himself. His outline was getting fuzzy. "I don't wanna die! There's so many things I still haven't done! I've never kissed a chipmunk or gargled yoghurt or been to Boston in the fall! I haven't won the Nobel Prize! I haven't swam in a big pool filled with pizza sauce and I haven't mooned Robin Williams!"
"Neither have I...and I don't really think I want to. Come on, man. Your memories will go back into me..."
"I don't wanna! I'm alive! I'm alive! I feel happy!"
Jamie touched Sparky and Sparky felt himself slipping away. "I had such fun today..." he whispered.