Aki- It's from Rory's point of view. The bold in the present time. The regular is Rory's persoanl thoughts. Based in the seocnd Jess episode of the sixth season, whatever it is called.
"I'm sorry I came," I say, backing away, all the time hating myself for acting this way. Then you say something calmly and uncharacteristically.
"I'm not. It's what it is. You. Me."
I look you in the eye, wondering if you really believe that. You do. I want to scoff, but the new, fake Rory Gilmore doesn't do that. It's not lady-like or something. But I want to tell you something so I just you the eye and hope you understand.
What are we Jess? Huh? I'm waiting for answer. You don't have one. Well, neither do I.
I can take a stab at it though. We were everything. We were perfect together. You beat Dean, the so-called 'perfect' boyfriend. You gave me feelings I never had before. You hurt me worse than I ever been hurt before.
I'm not yelling at you. I way past those stages of grief and anger. I've forgiven you, sort of.
So what are we now Jess? I gave you the belief in yourself that you could do something more along time ago. You told me when you showed me your book. And you, well, you showed me how screwed up my life had become and told me to fix it. So here we are now with our two separate lives in different cities and different states. We can no longer even help each other get our lives together when they are already close to perfect.
And we can't be friends because we both know that that would tear us apart inside. And we can't be more than friends because we lost that a long time ago. We lost it.
God, Jess. Why did you have to leave? All those years ago? Why? If you hadn't left everything would still be okay. We would still be together. We would have get conversations and get along and not hate each other like we do now.
Don't deny it. You know it is there. You hate me for doing this to you. Deep down I hate you for doing all of this to me. Yes, I blame you. If it wasn't for you I would have never slept with Dean and ruined a marriage. And if you had stuck around I never would have gotten into that horrible internship. I never would have left a single piece of criticism destroy me. I never would have stolen a boat. I never would have dropped out of Yale. I would never have had a fight with my mom. I would have never gotten into a relationship with Logan and totally fallen for him and let him hurt me over and over.
So you are right Jess. It is what it is. You and me. Just the pieces of an amazing possible future shattered on the floor like glass. We had something and we lost it. And I wish something was different and I wish I could fall into your arms at your kiss, but I can't.
Why? Ha! Why you ask? Because we aren't the same people we were when we were seventeen anymore. And because no matter how hard I try to convince myself that you have changed…. I'm scared. I'm scared of the possibilities. I'm scared of falling in love with you and I'm scared of getting hurt. At least with Logan I know what to expect. I don't except him to be perfect commitment guy or romantic guy or great conversation guy like I hope you would be. All I expect is rich, fun to be with, party boy, yet smart guy. I expect him to care about me, but I don't expect him to know me like you do.
I don't expect him to sweep me off my feet. I don't expect him to put me together when I am in pieces. I don't. I don't expect him to love me like you would and me to love him like I would love you.
That's who we are. So why so we go on living like this? Because you know I will, without a doubt, crawl back to you in the end…just not yet.
I turn to leave. But you call after me and I hope it's because you have something profound to say. "You could tell him we did something if you want." I smile and nod graciously as though it is some great gift. I turn again to the door and twist the knob slowly in my hand, the whole time feeling your hurting eyes on the back of my head. You want to know when and so do I.
When I figure out my life or it falls apart again. When I find out Logan isn't worth it. When I realize it was you all along. When I finally become foolish enough and wise enough to follow my heart again. Maybe then…just as long as you wait for me. That's all I ask, wait please.
You will. You don't know why you do it, but just do it a little longer. I'll come back to you….eventually.
I leave and say nothing more. You stand their still staring after me wondering when and if you will ever see me again and when and if you want to. You sighed and shake your head and think, "Eventually."