Spaced - Wired for sound (and vision).

Chapter three : We're going in!

"Am I glad to see you!" Shouted Tim over the white noise coming from the TV set.
"Video nasty, or what?" said Mike, nodding towards the TV.
"Something like that! We need to turn it off"
"Let me guess. Remote not working"
"Yeah. Damn those cheap batteries"
"So what's the plan"
"You got your gun?" shouted Tim.
"Never leave home without it!" laughed Mike, pulling a pistol from inside his jacket.
"Can you shoot the TV"
"Why not?" asked Tim.
"Tim, a soldier does not discharge his weapon in public"
"We're not in public! Ever heard of the privacy of your own home"
Tim paused a moment, staring at his best friend.
"Alright!" Mike said, sighing. "They . . . confiscated my ammo! It's a long story"
"Ok, so we need to fall back on plan B"
"Is that B for balls?" Asked Mike, opening the sports bag that Twist had given Daisy.

"Ok, here's the plan. You crawl over to the TV and press the off switch. I'll take out the surround sound speakers with the tennis balls"
"That screen flickering is hurting my eyes. I'll have to do it blind. What about the tower speakers"
"You worry about the flickers, I'll worry about the towers!" Said Mike.
"Let's do it"
Trying to keep his hands over his ears and his eyes shut tight, Tim tried to walk on his knees towards the TV.
"Watch out for the coffee table!" Shouted Mike, launching a tennis ball at a speaker high in the corner of the room. The ball bounced off the front of the speaker, creating a shower of sparks. The noise from the TV was reduced a little. Tim, unable to hear Mike's warning, caught his crotch on the corner of the coffee table and fell onto his side.
"Keep going Tim!" Mike shouted, taking out another wall speaker with a tennis ball.
Tim slowly edged his way towards the TV, keeping one eye slightly open but not actually looking in the direction of the malfunctioning TV. He finally made it and stretched out a hand towards the switch to turn it off. At the same moment Mike threw another tennis ball. The ball missed it's target by a clear foot, bounced off the wall and hit Tim on the head.
"Ouch!" he cried. "Stay on Target Mike"
"Sorry!" Shouted Mike, throwing another ball at the tower speaker at the side of the TV. This ball also missed it's target and hit the DVD recorder underneath the TV. The DVD machine ejected it's disc, hitting Tim in the crotch with the disc tray. Tim collapsed onto the floor once again.
Opening his eyes, he saw through his tears that his head was right next to the off switch! Taking his hand away from his ear, he prodded the switch and waited for silence, but it did not come. The TV kept on flashing wildly and making the loud screeching sound.
Mike lobbed a couple more tennis balls and managed to knock over the two large tower speackers, the second of which narrowly missing Tim's head as it hit the carpet. The noise from the TV was reduced so they could at least talk to each other.
"What now?" Tim asked.
"Can you reach the socket behind it?" "Not without moving the TV"
Mike smiled. "Time for plan C then"
"Plan C?" said Tim, confused.
"C. As in crash"
As realization set in, it was Tim's turn to smile. They grabbed a corner of the flickering TV set and pulled hard. With a supreme effort the screen was wrenched off it's stand and fell forward, smashing on the corner of the coffee table. The lights went out and the room was thrown into darkness apart from a fews stray sparks from the broken TV set.
"Is it safe yet?" Said Daisy peering out of her bedroom. She was still wearing her white bikini but had covered it up with a bathrobe, which was slightly open.
"It's safe now." Said Mike. "But maybe I should have got here sooner!" He whispered to Tim over his shoulder.
They picked up the TV and the smashed speakers and dumped them next to the dustbins outside. Just as they were walking back towards the door, Mike noticed something sitting behind the dustbins.
"Hey Tim!" He called, pulling a dustbin out of the way. "Does this look familiar"
"Our old TV!" Mike cried in excitment. "But it's been sat outside for almost a week! It can't possibly work now, can it"
"Only one way to find out my friend! Get my toolbox from the van and ask Daisy if we can borrow a hairdrier. Not the black one, as it's not got the attachments. Ask if you can use her pink one"
After dragging the old TV back into the living room and drying it off, Tim plugged it in and stepped back to what he thought might be a safe distance. Using an umbrella, he jabbed at the switch a couple of times and was rewarded with a little red light. He picked the remote off the coffee table, took a deep breath and pressed a channel button.
A picture slowly appeared on the screen of a white shape, which became a police van. Some one was being pushed into the back of the van by six large policemen.
"Hey - that's Tyre's uncle Rob"
As they watched, Twist stepped in from the sidedof the screen and lifted a microphone to her mouth.
"Once again, the theft of the stolen television sets has been solved. 'Uncle Rob' was arrested earlier today on suspicion of stealing the televisions from a lorry in the services of the M25. He also took the alternator out of the lorry to stop them chasing him. This is Twist Morgan reporting for Camden news"
"All's well that ends well, eh Tim?" Said Mike as they sat on the sofa.
"Yep!" Agreed Tim, flicking through the TV channels.
The alternator stayed on the coffee table for a few days after that, then mysteriously disappeared to an unknown position in the flat and was never seen again.

The end.