Disclaimer Patrons of engage in reading this fiction at their own risk. While the tale is not calculated to incur profit or infer ownership of that which rightfully belongs to J.K. Rowling, there is some risk that serious Sirius fans may become incensed. Side effects include nausea, foaming at the mouth, and the irrepressible desire to crack open the author's head like a ripe watermelon.

Paddy Whack, Laddy Black!

One day, when Sirius Black was but a lad, he was strolling through the picturesque, cobbled streets of Hogsmeade when he happened upon a transparent plastic box filled with small white sweets which, when placed upon Sirius's tongue, savored strongly of mint.

"What could be the name of these curious and heretofore unknown by me sweets?" wondered Sirius. "It puzzles me exceedingly. If only I possessed a mobile communication device, I could call Dumbledore, the greatest wizard in Britain and perhaps the whole world, and ask him what it is that I am eating, for surely he would know."

At that precise moment, a disinherited prince of the enchanted sort was passing through the picturesque, cobbled streets of Hogsmeade, directly in front of the corner on which Sirius Black stood, and it just so happened that this prince (of the enchanted sort) was carrying a mobile communication device.

"O Prince!" cried young Black. "Lend me your mobile communication device, for I have found a box of curious and heretofore unknown by me sweets, and I wish to call Dumbledore, the greatest wizard in Britain and perhaps the whole world, and ask him what it is that I am eating, for surely he would know."

"O Sirius Black!" responded the prince. "Do not ask me to lend you my mobile communication device, for Hogsmeade lies outside the geographical area covered by my service provider. If you call from these cobbled streets, picturesque though they are, I will be charged outrageous and exorbitant fees which I wish at all costs to avoid. Being a prince of the disinherited (as well as the enchanted) sort, I am, in a word, broke."

But Sirius Black, being of an arrogant temperament with tendencies toward self-centeredness, relieved the prince of his mobile communication device by means of methods not entirely approved by the Humane Society and called Dumbledore.

"This is Dumbledore," said Dumbledore.

"O Dumbledore!" cried Sirius. "I was walking along the picturesque and cobbled streets of Hogsmeade when I happened upon a box of curious and heretofore unknown to me sweets which, when placed upon my tongue, savored strongly of mint. At that precise moment, a disinherited prince of the enchanted sort passed by the corner upon which I stood, and I asked him to lend me his mobile communication device. He refused, claiming that were I to call from picturesque and cobbled Hogsmeade, which lies outside the geographical area covered by his service provider, he will be charged outrageous and exorbitant fees, which he wishes at all costs to avoid. He, being a prince of the disinherited as well as the enchanted sort, is, in a word, broke. But, yielding to the self-centered tendencies of my arrogant nature, I relieved him of his mobile communication device by means of methods not entirely approved by the Humane Society in order that I might call you, Dumbledore, the greatest wizard in Britain and possibly the whole world, and ask you what it is that I am eating, for surely you know."

And Dumbledore exclaimed,

"It's a Tic Tac, Laddy Black,

now give the frog his phone.

That poor prince can't afford to roam!"

A/N I hereby give you official permission to shoot me and put me out of my misery. Please do so in a review.