AN: EDWARD'S POV
They say, as we grow older, we don't change but become more of ourselves.
Infinity meant nothing my first days under transformation. It became apparent in mere day's time how I had belittled the term 'forever'. I hadn't done it nearly the proper justice it deserved. Time could be consumed and measured. The mere name gives it a definition, a capacity, a way for us to concede to that which we can't limit. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, years, decades, scores, centuries; we created these interval to give value to the intangible time.
Though meant to be indefinable, our very existence confined time. We decided, though time was eternal, that more or less could be reaped or sowed. The bounds by which time was consumed were our very entities. Thus we became the definition of time; it began when we lived and ended when we died. Time is an expectancy defined by both life and death, and that in itself is its most significant conclusion.
And then there are those of for us for which time begins but does not end, in which death will never be a preordained event…time's little exception: Vampires. The true meaning of time holds no bearing upon our actions. We are impervious to the influential feeling of a boundary like time because we have so much more of it that anyone else. Time for us is exponential, immeasurable, and unable to be quantified. And now I too am infinite.
I hadn't realized just how long forever was. Forever gave way to possibility; I could do now what I hadn't been able because I'm immune; immune to time and all things that would cut it short. And yet with seemingly perfect conditions came the tradeoff.
I had to trade my humanity, my sense of self, my views of the world I thought I lived in. Learning of this double reality that existed beside our own and the race that bred and spawned beneath the conventional life I was used to was over whelming.
I'm condemned to darkness, forever hiding in the shadows, fighting very shrewd instincts to kill those around me, and the irony of it all is the ceaselessness of time.
Time is a grating factor when living a life you do not want and cannot end, and the possibilities that come with unlimited time are blood-curdling. I knew a moment would come when I wouldn't be able to control myself, in which the beast within me would negate every shred of sanity I've managed to obtain.
I knew very well that I'd grow insane someday, roam this Earth as a last resort on an animalistic rampage with a hopeless resolve, trying to satiate my thirst for blood. And when that time came, I knew I would not regret my actions. I'd be too compelled by the weight of my sacrifices. And when I recklessly began to embezzle that which gives life to so many unsuspecting humans, I knew I would enjoy it. This is the disgusting reality of my kind.
As time passes I am unable to grow older, but everyday I continue to become more of myself; the eternal monster that lives in the nightmarish recesses of my mind.
AN: Hope you enjoyed this. This is NOT A ONE-SHOT, but a continuation. Meaning that this isn't a conventional story but different accounts of Edward's life. His thought proscesses, his conflictions with relationship...things of that matter. However, I will base my updates on response. Be nice. Review, even to tell me if it's not worth it.