Hello, hello, hello again. Sorry I haven't been around -- I'm working on some more fics, so expect more soon! Unless, of course, I forget. Or have writers block. Or just don't want to. Damn... I am such a horrible updater. Sorry!

I really am writing more!

Anyway, a drabble ispired by a line from Goo Goo Doll's Iris. It's a wonderful song -- you all should listen to it sometime.

For the record, I'm not even sure this should be in this category... I'm not sure if it fits. If anyone has a better idea for a category, tell me about it!

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own it. Well, I own the story... but not what it's based on.


Have you ever wondered if you were actually alive?

I don't mean if you wondered if your heart was still beating, or your lungs were still working.

I mean, if you were actually there.

Sometimes I wonder. I go through classes, days, nights, mornings, meals; everything, without ever thinking about it.

Words leave my mouth without me thinking. It's always what I would say, I think.

But I never say it.

Others hear what I say, but I never do. When I walk to class, I barely remember how I got there. I live out my life, doing my duties, following rules, doing just what I think I should do; but I'm not thinking. I'm just going through the motions.

I know I'm alive, in the literal sense, at least. My heart beats, pumping blood out of tiny cuts in my arms. My lungs still work, giving birth to silent screams of despair. My muscles still work, moving me from class to class, giving automatic answers to the questions of my health.

I'm alive, I always answer.

And it's true, in the literal sense.

But at night, when I'm alone – I cut just to know I can still feel. I scream just to know I can still speak. I run just to know I can still move.

And I bleed just to know I'm alive.