Disclaimer: Naruto, and its characters, doesn't belong to me.

Warnings: mentions of threesome, "Sakura-bashing", M for suggestiveness and slightly coarse language. OOCness. This is the nearest thing to PWP and crack that I can write.

A/N: This is a Crack!Fic PWP "protest" to SasuNaruSaku T.T;; The rating is for the suggestiveness, because nothing really happened here :P Done in twenty minutes! XD

"Oh... okay. So how do we do this?" Naruto's question would have sounded dumb at any other circumstance, but this time, Sakura found herself silently voicing out the question. It had been fine--since a few pleasure-filled minutes earlier, they have been heatedly kissing and groping, but now...

"I will fuck Naruto." The Uchiha said without a blink or blush, looking commanding and authoritative, even though partly naked and sported a bunch of hickeys from Naruto's too-sharp teeth.

Naruto blushed slightly, and he gazed at his self-proclaimed-crush, blue eyes slightly meek and hopeful. "I guess this means..." He started, but Sakura shrieked her disagreement.

"But I want Sasuke-kun!" There wasn't any semblance of shyness or shame in her exclamation, and it was a good thing that they did this in the most secluded mansion in the Uchiha Estate.

"...I don't want you." Sasuke blandly told the pink-haired girl, with his black eyes trained expectantly on the tanned male, whose back was marred with scratch-marks, thanks to Sakura's un-trimmed fingernails.

Sakura turned to the uneasy blond, who was thinking that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't such a good idea after all. "Who do you want?" Sakura ground out dangerously, green eyes speaking of murder if he gave out the wrong answer.

"Uhm, I like you, Sakura-chan, but--" Naruto started, but he suddenly clamped his mouth shut when he noticed that Sasuke's eyes have transformed into the feared color of Sharingan, betraying how much pissed off the avenger is at the moment.

"...Maybe Sasuke-kun can do the two of us?" Sakura suggested, a more-than-hopeful glint on her eyes, and she was happy that she managed to think of a strategy to solve this problem. Maybe they could have asked Kakashi-sensei first before going into this, damn it.

"...But I also like Sakura-channnn..." Naruto whined, and he shut up again when Sasuke turned the eerie red gaze to him.

"...Or you can both do me?" Sakura sounded brighter still, as the thought sounded more appealing. Actually, she's happy as long as Sasuke-kun can be with her!

"No," Sasuke said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. Naruto looked at him sternly, as though reproaching the other for his arrogant behavior.

"I don't like you, Sakura--Not. At. All." Sasuke said, emphasizing each word with a harsh, crimson-colored glare. Sakura started to tear up, and she noticed that Naruto or Sasuke-kun definitely don't seem to be excited now, but--

"Then, why!" She asked loudly, not caring whether she sounded like a pathetic whore desperate for someone to have sex with her.

"Because Naruto promised to try out the new set of leather binds that I bought--" Sasuke said smugly, and his speech was interrupted with Naruto clamping a hand hurriedly towards his apparent lover's mouth.

"...You've already been seeing each other!" Sakura all but wailed, and Naruto looked helpless. His plan to cheer Sakura-chan up after her break-up with Kei is starting to look like a complete disaster.

Sasuke looked like he wanted to strangle her. "...Naruto, we're going." Naruto hated the authoritative tone, but he also knew that arguing would be useless.

He bowed apologetically to his friend, and started to redress and get out of the area before Sakura exploded.

And so, they left the pink-haired girl inside the abandoned mansion, while she thought that maybe, she should have just settled for Naruto...


A/N: I don't abhor threesomes, and sometimes, I find some fics with these rather funny/creative/well-written, but I'm not really a supporter. I can't see how can a person devote his/her heart to two persons at once without favoritism of some sort. Ohwell, maybe that's just me.

Sakura: Hmm, since a lot of people actually requested for a Sakura-bashing fic (especially from Daddy Sasuke), I did this one :D I hope you're all happy! I don't think she's as slutty as this in the canon, but this is a Crack!fanfic, so anything goes, I suppose.