A/N: Birthday ficlet for desolate
Warnings: Naruto considers a career change. :p
With a grin, he pulled on the last of the ensemble, his bandana-style forehead protector and, stopping only to grab the portable stereo, he swiftly left his apartment and bounded down the dirt road toward his destination.
It was to be by far the best D rank mission ever in the history of ninja missions as far as Naruto was concerned. Since becoming a jounin three years earlier, he wasn't in the habit of taking anything lower than B rank, but there were times when missions were slow coming in and bills still needed to be paid. And really, he'd be an idiot to pass this one up. It was going to be the easiest grocery money he'd ever earned! Not to mention a hell of a lot more fun than weeding gardens or chasing down lost pets.
His smile widened when the house came into sight and mentally ran through the description in his mission scroll.
Blue house? Check.
Large maple tree with birdhouse? Check.
Large "Happy 18th Birthday" sign? Check.
Live entertainment for party? He glanced down at himself and grinned a big, cheeky grin. Check.
When a brunette answered the door, Naruto couldn't stop smiling as he asked, "You ladies call for a shinobi?"
When she nodded eagerly and stepped back to let him in, he wasted no time turning the stereo on and getting down to business. The gloves were the first to go as he slowly pulled each one off with his teeth before tossing them across the room.
The vest was next, and he took his time pulling the zipper down as he grinned and made eye contact with every woman in the room, his hips never losing time with the music. When it was finally unzipped, Naruto rolled it off one shoulder and then the other. It soon found its way forgotten in another corner of the room.
He made his way around the room, bumping and grinding with as many girls as he could. One tried to help him out of his shirt, but he easily evaded her attempts. "Uh uh. Not yet," he chastised and wagged a finger in front of her pouting face. Backing his way out of the group and back toward the front of the room, Naruto decided that he could afford one shirt for the sake of showmanship. He grabbed his collar and tore it right down the front.
'Music to my ears,' he thought, hearing the squeals of the partygoers as he swung the ruined shirt over his head a few times and pumped his hips to the beat. He had absolutely no complaints about the hands running over his arms, chest, and back. One girl even got in a quick grope of his ass. He only laughed and considered a career change. Sure, he'd never get to be Hokage if he did that, but the tradeoff just might be worth it, he thought.
Naruto made his way over to the coffee table for the last bit of the show. He needed more room – and just a bit of dramatic effect – for his finale. He danced around for a few moments, hands behind his head as his hips thrust forward repeatedly. His hands slid down over his chest, over his abs, and down to the waistband of his pants.
Tsunade had given him two props earlier that day along with an exasperated eyeroll and his mission scroll, and Naruto grinned mischievously now that he was about to use them. The loud succession of snaps coming undone overlaid the steady beat of the music and the appreciative yells of the audience as the two sides of his tear away pants were separated, leaving Naruto in nothing but the olive green thong that matched his vest. Hands traveled up and around his thighs as the blond continued to shake his ass for all it was worth.
"Which one of you is the birthday girl?" Naruto followed the many pointing hands to a girl whose blushed cheeks were almost the same color red as her hair.
"Happy Birthday," he husked as he reached back to untie the bandana-style forehead protector, freeing his spiky blond hair. He then quickly tied it on her head as he danced with just her. She grinned and turned impossibly redder as he looped an arm around her waist and slid one of his legs between hers. Embarrassment didn't stop her from doing the same, though, he noticed as one of her fingers kept sliding over the thin strip of fabric on his hip.
All good things must come to an end unfortunately, and Naruto's stripper debut was no different. He posed for a few photos before wishing the now of-age woman – No, shouldn't be thinking that! This is a mission, he reminded himself – a happy birthday once more and bid her good night. Not before she got a nice grope of his ass, of course, but he wasn't going to complain.
It wasn't until he was gathering his scattered pieces of clothing that he saw them. Ino and Sakura were leaning against the wall near the kitchen right where his other glove was. 'Have they been here the whole time?' he wondered. From the lecherous grin on Ino's face, he found himself hoping so.
Naruto casually strolled up to them as if he wasn't still wearing just a thong with his clothes thrown over one arm. "Sakura-chan! Ino! What're you two doing here?" He reached down and picked up the glove that was lying nearby.
"Who do you think organized this party for my sweet, little neighbor?" Ino replied with a smirk. "I didn't know they were sending you, though. Not that I'm complaining. You put on quite a show. Right, Forehead-girl?" she added, elbowing Sakura in the side.
"Ino!" his teammate groaned, obviously annoyed. Naruto didn't miss the way her eyes kept dropping to his waist, though. He had to fight not to grin.
"Oh, please! Pretend all you want, but you were checking him out just as much as I was." She smiled and turned her gaze on him, and Naruto seriously worried that he was the one blushing then.
But if that comment surprised him, her next one almost floored him.
"You up for another performance at my place?"
Naruto was sure his eyes were as wide as saucers right about then, 'but at least my jaw isn't on the floor Sakura-chan's,' he thought in consolation. He quickly cleared his throat and put on a thoughtful expression for a moment.
"I dunno," he said with a grin. "I'm not cheap."
Ino pushed herself off the wall and closed the gap between them. "We could make it worth your while," she cooed before glancing at Sakura. "Right, Forehead-girl? Unless you're ready to go home. Then I suppose it'd just be us," she smirked, turning her attention back on him. Naruto crossed his arms over his stomach, and hoped beyond all hope that the clothes dangling over his arm would cover the hard-on he was bound to get if this conversation progressed any further.
"Trying to get rid of me, Pig?" Sakura growled, and Naruto felt his cock twitch just a little.
"Maybe I am," Ino shrugged. "A prude like you would just get in the way."
'Oh, shit,' he thought, and dropped his arms a little lower just to make sure things were covered. Sakura gasped, and Naruto winced. 'Please, let that be because of Ino's comment.'
"We'll see who gets in the way. Come on, Naruto!" Sakura growled as she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the house. When Ino quickly caught up and grabbed him by the other arm, Naruto wouldn't have been able to stop smiling if his life depended on it.
Yes, definitely the best D rank mission in the history of all ninja missions!