Queueing Theory

Dean was bored, Sam was annoyed. These two things were inextricably linked. They were in the car and they were in a traffic jam. Dean had woken up and was looking for something to do, this lead to Sam's annoyance.

Dean had passed quite some time throwing peanuts in the air and catching them in his mouth but that kind of entertainment only works for a certain amount of time. Anyway, he'd run out of peanuts. This had left Dean with few choices as to what to do. One of these choices seemed far more enjoyable than any of the others and it was to bother Sam.

Sam was all too familiar with this brand of his brother's entertainment. Together with this traffic jam and this hot day, it was doing nothing for his mood.

"Dean, you can spend whole days on the road without complaining once, what is your problem?" Dean laughed at Sam's annoyance. Big brothers could be so childish.

"I guess I get a little antsy when we're not actually moving anywhere!" he shouted the end of his sentence out his open window at the cars in front.

"That's not going to help, Dean, they're in the same position as us,"

"Yeah, except that they're ahead of us. That's a better position in my book,"

"They got here before us, they've been waiting longer,"

"What? These guys in front only stopped a second before us,"

"And they'll only pull away a second before us on the other side, stop being difficult!" God, he felt like his father must have on numerous car journeys when they were younger. Dean sat up from where he'd slumped during his stint of complete boredom.

"Who the hell crashes on a day like this? You think some demon did it? You know, to cause chaos?"

"There probably hasn't even been a crash,"

"What? Then what the hell are we doing stuck in traffic?"

"There are probably just too many cars on the road,"

"Sammy," said Dean seriously, "This is a road, it's made to have cars on it. People don't just stop because it's getting a bit crowded,"

"Actually, they do,"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, some guy up front gets too close to the car in front and has to brake, which means the guy behind him has to brake, and then the guy behind him has to and so on. Everyone braking a little bit more until everything just comes to a stop,"

"Dude, seriously? How do you know that?"

"It's the queueing theory, there's a mathematical equation and everything," said Sam.

"Queueing theory? People have theories for crap like this?"

"Yeah, you wouldn't believe what people get paid to research,"

"People get paid to have theories for crap like this?" Sam nodded. Dean sat back and thought for a moment, then said, "Man, that's be some easy money if anyone ever became interested in our line of research,"

"Yeah, you could be waiting a long time there, Dean,"

"I know, but wouldn't the top speed of a hellhound be more useful than why some roads get jammed up?"

"More useful for us but not anyone else,"

"Hey, everyone here has the same chance of coming face to face with a hellhound. I think they'd thank us for the information,"

"Sure, right after they're done being ripped apart by it. You gonna tell them how to kill one too?"

"That'd make everything a hell of a lot easier, yeah,"

"Who'd be the one doing all this research?" asked Sam, pretty sure he knew the answer already.

"Well, that depends on the kind of research, doesn't it? I'm sure I could work out how being covered in demon guts affects the chances of getting laid," Sam laughed,

"That's a paper I'd like to see! 'A study into the extent of the effect being covered in demonic residue has on the chances of engaging in sexual acts, by Dean Winchester.' Wouldn't the findings be a bit predictable, though?" Dean smirked,

"Not as predictable as you'd think," Sam really didn't want to go there, "But yeah, you'd do most of the research, you are the geek of the family, which has been proved by this queueing theory thing. That's something only a geek could know,"

"Or anyone who's had a decent education as is interested in learning about the world,"

"That's what I said: geek,"

"You didn't mature past the age of ten, did you?" Dean just smiled. Sam took that to mean 'no, I didn't, annoying, isn't it?' He suddenly felt the urge to join a few of the cars around them by beeping, just in case it would have the slightest affect on the cars in front and get them moving faster. He was hanging onto the slim hope that Dean would quiet down then.

"Still, it proved me wrong,"

"What? What did?" Sam asked, surprised and slightly suspicious at Dean's admission.

"I've been under the mistaken impression, all these years, that you were the biggest geek in the world," Sam rolled his eyes, "But now I know, there's at least one guy geekier than you out there," Sam had an urge to press the horn again, this time with his forehead.

"No need to look so shocked about it," he decided to say instead.

"Well, this has completely changed my world view! I used to measure all geeks in comparison to you, and now I find that it's not good enough! It may take some time to adjust." Why had Dean woken up? Someone, somewhere was taking great pleasure in watching his torment, he could feel it.

"Can you cut the geek crap? It's getting old," Sam snapped. Dean looked at same with that smile, the one that said 'I'm annoying you and I'm loving every minute of it'. It made Sam want to punch something. Preferably Dean.

"Which one of them up front do you think braked first?" 'Cause I'll kick his ass,"

"Dean, they'll be long gone by now, save the ass-kicking for demons,"

"You know, we didn't rule out that theory, still coulda been some demon that caused this jam,"

"Yeah Dean, a congestion-causing demon, that's likely!"

"Hey, we already found one demon that moved with the times, perhaps we've found another," one glance told Sam that Dean was arguing for the hell of it, but that still didn't stop Sam getting riled up,

"Could you drop the demon crap as well?" he snapped.

"You mean I'm not allowed to talk about geeks or demons? Man, that's harsh," there was a pause, a blissful pause that Sam enjoyed fully before his brother resumed talking, "I suppose it could be a spirit," Sam turned to his brother.

"What?" he said, though his face said 'answer this how I think you're going to and you're a dead man'. Dean flashed him a winning grin and put forward his theory,

"Oh, I was just thinking that someone probably died of boredom in a traffic jam around here and has come back to inflict the suffering on everyone else,"

"Dean, is there the slightest chance you're going to shut up any time soon?" Dean laughed.


"So, can I ask for less of the spirit shit, too?"

"What? No geeks, demons or spirits?" said Dean in mock distress, though he quickly regained his composure, "Well, there was this girl I was talking to back in– " Sam didn't hear the rest of the sentence. It was drowned out by the sound of the horn as he bashed his head repeatedly against it.


Hope you enjoyed!