I was always worried that I wouldn't be enough for her. As it turns out I was right. She turned to another woman for something. Something I couldn't give her, something I lacked. I finally figured it out, just in time to have my heart broken.
It hurts, it hurts so badly I want to cry, but I won't. What was it that Catherine said once? Third degree burns, that's what I have. My heart is charred and blistered beyond repair or rescue.
Yet, there is a little voice somewhere that whispers to me. It reminds me of how I left Sara to her own sorrow so many times. It reminds me that I have hurt her too. Do I deserve this? Do I deserve this pain? I thought that she loved me. I love her, deeply and truly. Not completely, though. I can admit that. There are some parts of myself that I hold away from her. I hold those back because I cannot give her what is not mine. Some betrayals are blatant and physical, like Sara running her fingers through her lover's blonde tresses while they're lost in their own little world of heightened pulses and mingled mouths. Others are more secret, more cerebral, like looking for green eyes when I know my lover's are brown.
How long will I stand by and share the woman I love with another? What can I do? Demand that she stop seeing Sofia? If I make an ultimatum, I risk losing her forever. I know that losing her is something I won't be able to handle.
I am being cuckolded, and yet I love her too much to leave her. For every second of pain I experience when I know she is with Sofia, there is a moment of heavenly bliss when she is with me and I won't give that happiness up, not without a fight.
Author's Note: Now I have to go and wash off all the icky GSR cooties.