Title: OOPS - The Challenge (Ch 3, the scene where Mai text messages Shizuru.)
Note: Don't own Mai-Hime, so don't sue.
Rating: R for language and character death.
Word count: 749
ficeler37: In the previous chapter, our heroines escaped from an ugly death on the rocks thanks to a timely rescue by Miyu, the robot who likes to pull off Superman stunts in her spare time. Now you might ask, what were the chances of Miyu flying around the cliff just as Shizuru and Natsuki were falling down? Well, it turns out that the rich bitch on the block …
Shizuru: (suddenly appears behind the director's chair) Kiyohime.
ficeler37: (cough cough) I mean, the eternally intelligent and beautiful Shizuru-sama had invested 5 of Fujino Corporation's stocks on a panic button that connects to Miyu. Alyssa is of course more than happy to have gained yet another investor for her Golden Era project.
Readers: (throws stones at ficeler37) Shut up already!
ficeler37: (dodges killer stones) Well then, on with the story!
Narrator: Last time on The Challenge …
Mai discreetly reaches for the cellphone underneath her desk, and starts tapping her nimble fingers on the keypad. "Kaichou, Natsuki in trouble. Please bring someone who knows how to play pool to Fuka Pool Hall at 5 pm sharp. P.S. Don't mention my name." As she clicks SEND, Mai feels like a big burden has been lifted off her chest. I'll thank you someday, Nao-chan.
(beep beep beep)
Random sensei: Tokiha-san! Is that your cell phone ringing?
Mai: Uh … is it too late to say no?
Random sensei: OUT!
Mai (grumbles softly): Why the heck was my cell phone ringing? Normally it won't make a beep after I send a message.
Mai looks down at her cell phone.
Mai: (eyes widening) Error? Message not sent?
Up in space …
Miyu is doing her Superman thing with Alyssa on her shoulder.
Alyssa: Miyu, did you just knock over a satellite?
Miyu: Yes, Ojou-sama. It was in the way.
Alyssa: What kind of satellite was it?
Miyu: It says Xingular on the side. Activate initial analysis on the name. 99.9 percent chance that it is a TV satellite with pornographic programming for single people.
Alyssa: What's the remaining 0.01 percent?
Miyu: Unable to formulate an answer due to lack of power. Emergency activation of panic button by Fujino Shizuru had used up 90 percent of power an hour ago. Body functions are shutting down in 5 seconds. 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …
Alyssa: And you couldn't have told me earlier?
Miyu and Alyssa can no longer defy gravity and thus start falling from space.
Alyssa: (shakes fist in the air) I hate you, Fujino!
Ten seconds later, the Earth trembles.
Back in Fuka High School …
Mai is standing outside her classroom with two buckets of water in hands.
Mai: Director! Someone needs to send a text message to Kaichou!
ficeler37: Well, the only person around here who is using a cell phone right now is Nao.
Mai: Then go!
ficeler37: (looks around) Shiho! You're not doing anything. You go!
Shiho: What? Why me? (veins pop up)
ficeler37: If you want to show up with your beloved Onii-chan at all in my new fic…
Shiho: Ok, bye! Materialize!
ficeler37: Hey! No using Otome powers outside the Mai-Otome universe!
Shiho lands at a bush behind where Nao is sitting.
Shiho: Maki Maki Maki! Die, Nao, Die!
Nao has goosebumps all over her body.
Shiho: Oh wait, almost forgot what I came to do. Guess habits die hard. Maki Maki Maki! Text message Kaichou, Nao, text message Kaichou!
Nao: What the hell? Why are my fingers moving by themselves? Now I'm sending a text message to that Kyoto bitch? Juliet!
Juliet eats Shiho before Nao is forced to press SEND.
ficeler37's girlfriend uses the school intercom to report on the gruesome death of Shiho.
ficeler37: Blah, that's okay. I was never going to use her in my fic anyways. Mai, try text messaging Shizuru again. It should work this time.
Mai: Really? Alright, if you said so.
A minute later …
Mai: Wow, it really worked. What did you do?
ficeler37: Shuush. Don't tell anyone. But I'm secretly the biggest stock holder of Searrs Foundation. I just blinked and they fixed the Xingular satellite for me.
Mai: (dangerously low voice) So it was you behind the Golden Era project … KAGUTSUCHI!
ficeler37 is burned to the crisp.
Readers: Give us Shizuru and Natsuki! (throw more stones at ficeler37)
The stones magically transform into a gigantic writer's block knocking out ficeler37.
ficeler37 enters into a coma.
THE END. (Really, I mean it this time.)
A/N: I promise I'll let Shiznat come out in the next blooper. Don't kill me. (pout)