Author's Notes: Of course I don't own Bleach, what are you, stupid?
I realize there probably aren't dogs in Soul Society or anything, but I just had to do this. I have a golden retriever puppy, and many, many hours have been spent in situations very similiar to this.
It often seemed like the 10th Division offices were in a constant crisis. There always seemed to be something going on, and someone was always being yelled at (almost always Matsumoto).
Today, though, provided annoyance unparalleled to Hitsugaya.
It had started yesterday.
"Matsumoto, what is that?" Hitsugaya asked as she walked in with a very young dog in her arms. There was already an edge of extra annoyance in his voice. He had learned to sense when something irritating was going to happen.
"It's a puppy, Taichou. Momo-chan found him wandering around someplace and didn't know what to do with him, so she gave him to me. Isn't he cute?" She explained as she offered the tiny mutt a finger to chew on.
He cringed at the way she said "Momo-chan", because he knew it was just to mess with his head. Hitsugaya stared at Matsumoto, pausing his writing. "You don't intend to keep it here, do you?" He already knew the answer.
"I can't just leave him outside, Taichou! Pleeeeaase?"
Eventually, he had relented, realizing he would never get any work done with Matsumoto wheedling at him. He didn't regret it immediately - she had spent most of the rest of that day playing with the puppy and using baby-talk on it, which was actually fairly easy to tune out.
Today, though, the dog was roaming freely around the office. It was fine when it was practically bumping into walls, but "Spot" had grown bored quickly. He knew it was a very bad sign when Matsumoto started calling him "Spot", because once you name something you can never let it go. Hitsugaya also thought it would be appropriate to come up with something slightly more original than "Spot", if she had to name it at all, but of course, he didn't say so.
The first thing Spot discovered was the trashcan, and after a thorough cursory sniff, he plunged his snout into the depths of the receptacle, pulling out a crumpled sheet of paper. He paraded in circles proudly with the discarded document hanging from his drooly mouth.
"Hey," Hitsugaya began, annoyed, "your mutt is stealing things."
Matsumoto stared at him cluelessly for a moment, then looked over at the dog, who was now shaking his head back and forth so hard you could almost hear his microscopic brain rattle, ripping up the pages.
"Ah-! Don't do that!" She exclaimed, walking over to the dog and taking the paper away from him.
The dog looked confused, but soon forgot it, and began sniffing things some more. He eventually found his way to the trashcan again, by now having completely forgotten ever having seen it before. He removed another piece of paper.
"Matsumoto...!" Hitsugaya started, sounding half annoyed and half pleading.
This time when Matsumoto snapped back to reality and attempted to retrieve the object from the puppy's mouth, he remembered what had happened previously, and ran away.
Matsumoto and the dog running in circles around the room, and the noise that went along with it, made it nothing short of impossible for Hitsugaya to concentrate on the reports atop his desk. When she finally captured the offending canine, he moved the trashcan under his desk, rather than to the side. At least that would make it harder to get to.
Spot soon started trying to migrate under the desk to find more paper, but Hitsugaya kicked him away. The dog looked at him, amazed, because he hadn't even seemed to have noticed him before. He tried to get to the trashcan again, and was once more shoved away by the captain's leg.
The dog was delighted. He had found someone to play with!
Happily, the dog grabbed a hold of the leg of Hitsugaya's shihakusho and began pulling.
Hitsugaya's patience was dangerously close to gone. "GET. OFF," he said, and kicked him away with such force that the dog crashed into the wall.
"Matsumoto," he said, "if you can't keep this thing away from me and out of trouble, he's got to go."
"Hmmm," she said. "Be right back!" she announced cheerily, running out of the office.
"Hey! Don't leave me alone with this-!" He sighed. She was already long gone.
Fortunately, she really did come back quickly (which she usually did not when she vanished for any reason), with a cup full of ice in her hand. "He might be teething," she explained. "This might help." Hitsugaya entertained brief thoughts of freezing the both of them solid with Hyourinmaru, just to get some work done.
The dog, after happily greeting her again, started to gnaw on the side of Hitsugaya's desk. Matsumoto threw an ice cube at the dog, and it ricocheted off the front of Hitsugaya's so loudly it made both the captain and the dog flinch.
It did stop Spot from destroying the desk, though. He walked over to the ice cube and sniffed it with interest, and pushed it along the floor with his nose. The dog was thrilled, and chased it for a few minutes before finally chewing it up (quite loudly).
From then on, every other minute, it was "Hey! Spot!" and the sound of another ice cube crashing off of something, which was only slightly less aggravating than the dog being allowed to destroy things.
When Matsumoto's stash of ice ran out (which happened very quickly), it was very quiet. It seemed the dog was finally tired out, but then Hitsugaya turned and realized that Spot was staring up at him, eyes shining. He stared back, annoyed. It was hard to get anything done with someone staring at you.
The dog continued gazing at him lovingly, and then was so overcome with excitement, he let out an eardrum-piercing bark and began jumping at him.
"Hey! What the hell?-" The dog chomped down on the hilt of his Zanpakuto with gusto, and when he was knocked away, he jumped higher and bit onto Hitsugaya's arm. Matsumoto observed with interest.
"MATSUMOTO! What is this little bastard's problem!" he said, trying to get his arm out of the puppy's mouth.
"Isn't it obvious, Taichou?" Matsumoto said innocently. "He likes to chew on ice."