Sasuke turned his head to follow the vague, blurred outline of whitish substance that quickly darted at the corner of his vision. He feigned interest at the crowds of small white blurs that sat atop a sparkling entity. From the fragrance and sparkles, he guessed that he was looking at a pond filled with water lilies, and he smiled as he felt the warmth of his lover encircling his arm. Checking his chakra to make sure of his location, he patted his lover's head with more assurance than he himself felt. From his movement he guessed that the said lover turned his head towards him, and from his mind's eye he could vision the brilliant smile that must be lighting up his sky-colored eyes.
"Aren't they beautiful? Look, that one is so white that it almost looks blue; it reminds me of you…"
Sasuke struggled to remember how the pond looked like. He seemed to vaguely recall that it contained white, yellow, and pink pond lilies. Trusting that the flowers remained the same, he asked, "Does that mean the yellow ones are you?"
"And the pink ones would be Sakura-chan."
"…Let's get rid of all the pink ones."
Naruto's tinkling laughter filled the small space, lending a musical beauty to the softly passing wind. Silky fabric billowed around him, touching his arm and wrapping around it before it slid away from his touch. It would be white, accented with orange and blue. The character '六'(six) would be drawn with fiery red color that symbolized their country, the land of fire. The robe that symbolized the highest office that a shinobi could ever acquire—the revered hokage—draped loosely around his lover's small body. His precious, precious hokage—if only he could, he would protect Naruto with his very life. Sasuke suddenly reached out and tightly embraced the small form.
There was still silvery laughter steeped into his soft voice. Naruto's voice did not change much from his childhood. Where his voice had been brash, cheerful, and full of life when he had been a child, now it was a lot softer and sweeter, mellowed out with age. But there was still that vivacious sparkle of life that only Naruto could have. Right now that voice was filled with love and affection, a voice that only the top anbu member and captain of the team six was privileged to hear. There was a small tone of inquiry, too, at the sudden hug, but not too much. After all, Sasuke often hugged and kissed him just because.
There was longing in Sasuke's voice that made his call almost plaintive. At the melancholy tone Naruto stiffened, and Sasuke knew that his round, childish face would look slightly puzzled. But Sasuke smiled reassuringly and touched his face, trying to engrave the feeling into his hands. The low cheekbones, edge of big eyes, high forehead, rounded, not very strong chin. Full, pouty lips, soft chubby cheeks, small nose. Deeply engraved mark of nine-tailed fox demon in his cheeks, three lines in each of the cheeks. Sasuke wondered if Naruto still looked the same as the image he kept in his mind. The last time he had seen Naruto clearly was… more than three years ago, when Naruto had been named the sixth hokage. At that time Naruto's smile was so brilliant that Sasuke thought he could live rest of his life with that image in his mind, the way Naruto had turned and smiled at him so happily.
Sasuke lowered his head and captured Naruto's lips. He purposely kept his finger upon Naruto's lips as he carefully but firmly pressed his lips against his lover's, and he heard soft, sweet sigh escape from the smaller male as they kissed. Just how many times did they mingle their body into one? The first time they had sex was when Naruto had just turned thirteen. It was a messy, sloppy affair, more of animalistic deed done with passion and lust and need than act of love. Their sweaty bodies had desperately pressed into each other as Sasuke took possession of Naruto's small, scrawny body. He had been so bony and skinny at that time. A lot of blood and saliva and love juice came out from Naruto, and he whimpered and dug his fingernails into Sasuke's back, leaving long, angry scratches. When they were done Naruto cried, trembling like a leaf as his wet cheeks rested against Sasuke's chest. Sasuke didn't say anything as their sweaty, sticky legs were entangled together quite helplessly. Cicadas had cried shrilly outside as the sun slowly set and their time ran out.
Soon after that Sasuke left. For few years they did not see each other, and when Naruto finally found Sasuke again he had changed. His black eyes no longer shone with hope for the future. His lips no longer smiled sardonically but with a hidden affection at Naruto's antics. There was no more kindness in his gentle baritone voice. And his hands no longer supported Naruto when he fell.
But Naruto believed. He was a believer. Even though no past reflected in Sasuke's shadow and no future lighted his gaze, Naruto patiently waited. And waited. Many days passed and hurt, broken, lonely Sasuke stumbled back into Naruto's arms. That day's sex was filled with tenderness and love, more of needing to be reassured of each other's presence and warmth than any sexual need. As Naruto quivered and ejaculated against his belly Sasuke's heart had been filled with tenderness and love. It was a promise as his hotness was buried deep within Naruto's warmth, a promise that was repeated with every thrust, with every pressing of their groins together. A promise that he would never leave him again. That he would always protect him.
And yesterday night… Yesterday had been Sasuke's twenty seventh birthday. It had been exactly ten years since they became lovers. Their lovemaking had been playful and tender. Many times Naruto let out stifled giggles against Sasuke's chest, and Sasuke had smiled back. When they merged into one Naruto had breathed quickly, his small chest falling up and down rhythmically. Because that seemed to loveable to Sasuke, he had planted a small kiss between his chest, and Naruto had laughed again. They made love countless times, but Naruto's body always came as a surprise and shock to Sasuke, as if he was a present that was unwrapped carefully one layer at a time, present that never was quite unwrapped so that there was always another pleasant shock that he hadn't discovered before. Yesterday, for the first time Sasuke learned that Naruto mewled like a kitten right before he reached his fulfillment.
"Sasuke," Naruto lovingly called out, his arms wrapping around Sasuke's strong back. Sasuke assaulted Naruto's neck and Naruto mewed as he let Sasuke take claim of him. His back still ached from yester-night, but for Sasuke he could bear anything. It seemed that they were standing too close to the pond, because when Sasuke thrust against him, letting him know of his needs, they suddenly lost their footing and they fell into the water with a splash. Naruto shrieked with laughter and Sasuke smiled back, his beautiful black eyes narrowed into slits. Recently it almost felt like Sasuke's eyes were staring past him, staring into something beyond him that he himself could not reach. That frightened Naruto. He was so happy that he knew his dream could shatter at any moment, and he jealously guarded his happiness that he found with his love at last. Feeling glad that this pond did not have any fishes—he certainly didn't want to step on one—Naruto pulled Sasuke's shirt back and kissed the hard muscled chest he found there. Sasuke softly growled as Naruto touched him, and then he abruptly pulled apart Naruto's hokage robes as he pushed him against the edge of the pond. Water sloshed around them, the fragrance of water lilies almost chocking them as they lost themselves to passion. Naruto thought he saw the sky reflected in Sasuke's dark pools of eyes, but his warm lips closed over his own chilled lips and he knew no more except Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke.
It was his accursed bloodline. The sharingan gave him power of vision like those never experienced by human beings; he saw everything magnified a thousand times, he saw the past and the future, he could hypnotize and make illusions, he saw through materials and saw beating of the heart, the pumping of blood through various arteries and veins. The price paid for this ability was extreme. It was too much for a human body to handle, and the sharingan user's eyesight dramatically deteriorated. The more powerful one's sharingan was, the more quickly he lost his eyesight. Itachi had been twenty-three when he permanently lost his eyesight. Kakashi had been thirty-five, but he had his other eye that was not a sharingan-user and so he was only half-blind. Sasuke was currently twenty-seven and he could barely see anything, except vague black-and-white outlines. It was only his training as a ninja that allowed him to discern everything by light and chakra; the only reason why he wasn't discovered yet. He was terrified to think what would happen when he was found out.
First of all he would have to quit his job. The blind were useless as a shinobi, especially for an anbu. And then, wouldn't he just become a burden to Naruto? Didn't he promise that he would protect Naruto with his very life? A hokage had many enemies, and Naruto nearly lost his life many times. It was only because Sasuke was so vigilant in his guardianship of his sweet-tempered, too-trusting hokage that Naruto was still alive. But what now? Now he was useless. Not only that, but he would be a hindrance. He would become Naruto's weak point.
When Sasuke opened his eyes the world was a complete black. It was a beautiful autumn morning. The air smelled spicy and sweet; there was a distant aroma of chestnuts being roasted somewhere. It was cool, crisp day, but he felt warm because of small, soft breathing thing that lay tangled with him. Yesterday's Naruto had been particularly sensitive and he nuzzled against Sasuke again and again, wordlessly demanding his attention and affection. Like a small kitten who had been thrown into her first heat Naruto mewled and cuddled and rubbed his small body against his. At dawn, Sasuke had kissed him as he deposited his last batch of seeds inside of his sweet lover, and Naruto had tenderly kissed him back. This gesture had somehow almost brought tears to his eyes.
Now it was morning, and his sticky legs entangled with Naruto's smaller limbs told him of the love they shared only moments before, but his heart felt heavy and dead. This was the end. There was nothing else he could do.
"Sasuke?" Naruto asked as he felt Sasuke moving away from him. Sasuke heard laughter in his voice again. No more, no more… It was the end of everything. The glass had shattered at last.
"Naruto." Sasuke tried to made his voice dry, unfeeling. Hadn't he trained himself for so long? Wasn't he able to hide his feelings perfectly by now? But his voice cracked into ugly little splinters as he said, "Let's break up."
There was only a heavy silence. Sasuke felt Naruto shuffling a little, shifting his position, but that was all. And then a, "Why?"
It wasn't bitter. It wasn't full of hatred, nor sadness. It was only unattached, mildly curious tone—a tone that one would use when he wanted to know what they would have for breakfast, or when they would be allowed to go on a vacation. Somehow this tone brought chills down Sasuke's back.
"I'm sick and tired of you already."
Sasuke heard the nod in Naruto's voice, as if he easily accepted this explanation. There was more silence, and then he heard Naruto crawling out of the blankets. He heard the slide and rustle of silk as Naruto started to dress. Sasuke stood up and also reached out for his clothing, but he stopped when Naruto spoke up.
"Since when, Sasuke?"
"When did your eyesight deteriorate?"
He heard Naruto sigh. "Kakashi-sensei was asking about it… Saying he lost his eyesight, and he was afraid you would, too… I didn't believe it at first because you never fumbled when you did anything, but few months ago, when I asked you for my favorite orange cup, you gave me your blue cup instead. And then yesterday, when I asked you for that same cup you playfully told me to go get it myself… You never refused anything I asked you before."
"Was it from a year ago? Two years ago? I asked Tsunade hag about it, but she said there is nothing we can do to stop it, or even to slow it down… I guess today you completely lost your eyesight?"
"Hey, it's okay. It's not like the worst thing that could ever happen, you know? Look, I already talked this over, and… I would like you to have one of my eyes. Then we could each share an eye, and you'll be able to see again… Tsunade hag already agreed to do the operation, and look, my eyesight is 20-20; I really have good…"
"Shut the fuck up!"
Sasuke heard Naruto's sharp intake of breathing. He was trembling with anger. He turned his head where Naruto's voice had been coming from and screamed, "Do you know what that means! Your eyesight will drop by more than 30, and your blind spot will increase by 40!"
"It's fucking enough that this happened to me; I won't let it happen to you! Do you think you can continue to work as a hokage with handicap like that! And you know how dangerous it is to operate upon someone with a sharingan because our immune system is so messed up; there is a large chance that my body will reject your eye and destroy it anyway! You want to risk your eye on something like that!"
"But Sasuke, rather than you being blind… Don't you want to share my eyesight? There is nothing wrong with being blind, of course, but I thought…"
"Well, you thought wrong! I'm leaving!"
Sasuke furiously pulled on his clothing and stalked out of the room. He heard the soft pit-pat of Naruto's footsteps as he rushed after him. He felt Naruto's small hands clinging to his shirt sleeve and he violently pulled away. When Naruto spoke again, his voice was laced with hurt.
"Sasuke, you always helped me out so much, and I love you with all my heart. Don't you love me, too? How come you never depend on me? Everything has to be all shouldered by you; you won't trust me with anything… What kind of relationship is that? Aren't we equal; two parts that make up a whole?"
"Naruto." Sasuke couldn't tell him any more. He couldn't tell him that he didn't want to become Naruto's hindrance, not ever…. Because Naruto had been his light, and he would rather die than to become a burden to the child who gave him light, love, and meaning in life again. "I. Don't. Want. Your fucking loser eyes. Your ugly blue eyes will mar my face. Do you honestly think I'll let a part of your body become part of mine? The only thing your body is good for is for a fuck. You know that."
"Sasuke…" Sasuke heard tears in Naruto's voice as he softly sobbed and cried out, "Sasuke, you didn't have to go that far… Why do you lie so much? Why do you say lies that would only hurt you in return? If you need time to think, to be alone, I will leave you alone for a while, but please… Please return to me when you're ready for the surgery. You will return, won't you? Won't you?"
It tore at his heart, but he knew that his lover was too stupidly kind for his own good. If he let him see any weakness, Naruto won't hesitate to give him his eye in a heartbeat. So Sasuke only turned around and firmly walked away.
Sasuke ran away far from the leaf village. If he saw Naruto, he knew he would break down. Few months passed, and all the searchers that Naruto vigilantly had sent out were tired. Sasuke wasn't a top anbu for nothing. He heard about how Naruto wouldn't even eat nor drink properly, and that he was receiving all his nutrients through IV tubes that Tsunade had forced upon him. Sasuke, too, was slowly but surely starving to death. He had no appetite and when he ate, he usually threw it back up.
There was a strange movement from the surrounding villages. Sasuke heard rumors that now that the hokage was so weakened, without his faithful dog trailing behind him, Naruto was prone to attacks and already the enemy was mobilizing. He was worried. Naruto could surely take care of himself, but… But what? How could he quell this anxious pull at his heart?
Sasuke started to research and he sent his reports back by traveling birds who would surely be discovered at the leaf village. Few times some shinobi from the village came looking for him, following the trail of the birds, but Sasuke hid himself well. Then he found out from a reliable source that there would be an attempted attack on the hokage's life that very night. There would be no time to send the message back by the birds, who were fickle and unreliable. It could be days before the message was discovered, and this was too urgent. Sasuke decided to go back to the leaf.
He snuck into the central and spread out the news that there would be an attack that night, then hid himself near the hokage's office. He felt Naruto's chakra passing back and force through the door quite a few times all day, and his body cried out with longing and need to touch and feel secure in his lover's warmth again. But Sasuke stubbornly denied himself of the pleasure of meeting Naruto again and only quietly watched him.
Towards there in the morning, there was an attack. The enemy had been very clever. There was a diversion, and like idiots, all the shinobi in the building had ran towards the perceived danger. Then five of their most skilled assassins had attacked Naruto who was left alone, for it was the hokage's duty to always protect the central. Sasuke wasn't sure if he would be any help, or he would be more of a hindrance. But Naruto was in danger, and damned if he wouldn't spend his last breath protecting him.
Sasuke rushed out and fought back to back with Naruto. Naruto did not say anything, because there was no time, nor was there was a need. They fought as partners for so many years that they needed no words, and even though the assassins were extremely skilled, they were no match for the hokage and his right-arm man. One by one they fell, and just when Sasuke began thinking that they would live through this, he felt Naruto pushing him away.
With a sickening sound of flesh tearing Sasuke's face was sprayed with blood. He felt Naruto's chakra wildly fluctuating. He could guess what happened. A particularly skilled shinobi had used his blindness to hide his chakra and approach him, but Naruto had pushed him out at the last minute and got stabbed instead. From the amount of blood and concentration of chakra, Sasuke realized with sinking heart that Naruto's heart had been stabbed. Without thinking he rushed out towards where the kunai had come from and clutched at the enemy with his hands. Nothing mattered any longer. He wildly ripped out the limbs, feeling with sadistic pleasure as blood flew all around him and the warm flesh was ripped into pieces. The horrified screams and yells died down and the rearing chakra was completely wiped out. Then silence.
Sasuke stumbled back to Naruto's side. His chakra was dropping at an alarming rate. He gathered his lover's small body into his arms and was horrified to discover that his body already felt cold. Naruto chuckled.
"Ew, Sasuke, look what you've done… Look, you're covered with blood."
He felt Naruto's small hands touching his cheeks, and then his eyes. His normally warm hands were so, so cold… He felt the fingers tentatively touching his eyes.
"…Will you take my eyes now?"
"Will you let me be part of yourself now…? Will you accept me as your equal, and no longer shoulder all your burdens alone? Because, Sasuke, I was really so very sad that you couldn't trust me…"
Naruto coughed and Sasuke smelled thicker scent of blood. He touched Naruto's lips and felt wetness that was surely blood.
"Fuck, don't speak…!"
"Sasuke, let me inside of you… Don't be afraid of accepting me, because I will never hurt you…"
Sasuke heard smile in Naruto's voice, a serenity that seemed strange. And then Naruto's body became limp.
Blue. Naruto's eyes were the deepest of blue, the color of the ocean.
Blue. Naruto's eyes were the same as the sweetest of water lilies…
Sasuke saw Naruto's eyes staring back at him from the watery reflection. The pure blue eyes looked strange in his own sharp, angular face. Sasuke touched his eyes, the eyes that Naruto had given him. The blue water lilies, the same color as his lover's eyes, floated peacefully above the water as if mocking him.
It reminds me of you…
Sasuke dryly laughed. They wanted to know if he would accept the position of the 7th hokage. That was funny. Tsunade operated on him while he had fainted and then avoided his eyes, explainint that that was Naruto's last wish. That was funny, too. And this will be the funniest.
"The ones that should be gone were the blue lilies, Naruto… The blue…"
A neat, firm slash. Sasuke dipped his wrist into the water. Bright red blood spurted out from the new wound, spiraling beautifully in the water. Would the blue-white lilies drink the blood and turn pink? Would that get rid of them?
"Naruto… Naruto, Naruto…"
Didn't you know? It wasn't that I didn't accept you, you moron. It
wasn't that I was afraid of my love for you. I wasn't afraid of getting
hurt any longer, because I knew that you would never hurt me. You were
my light. I just didn't want to become a darkness to you.
I just didn't want to become a darkness to you.
- END -