"Down Towards the Healing"

Chapter 1: "Roads"


"I think it's time,

To sober up and die."

He was alone again; some city in the southwest, Tuscan maybe? It didn't really matter, all he knew was that it was flat and dry and he was alone.

The hotel was just like any other hotel he had stayed in for the past month or so. A small room with a wall of windows and one of those cheap sliding curtains in the most horrifying print you could ever imagine; a full size bed that was probably from the mid 80's judging by the springs that dug into his back, and a threadbare pullout couch that matched the curtain.

Even the roaches were the same.

Presently, it was 11:14 at night and he was sitting on the ground across from the couch, his legs splayed out in front of him, his neck angled up leaning against the off-white, well dented wall. Some sort of TV stand was to his left, but the remote didn't work and the only channels that came in clear were in Spanish or CNN.

Jeff gave up on the news 5 years ago.

He had been back in the company for about a little over a month, and he had never felt more alone in his fucking life.

In the beginning he had always had Matty. His brother was always there, even when Jeff didn't want him to be. Keeping him out of the mini-fridge, when they were teenage jobbers: "Jeff! Put that Snickers back! It costs more then you do, ok?"

Or the night of Jeff's 21st when some of the guys told him to sneak out and they'd buy him his first legal drink. Matt was there within 45 minutes watching from the back as the vets' poured drink after drink down Jeff's throat for the first few hours and then realized what a light-weight he was and got the hell out of dodge before he would ruin the expensive interior of their fancy cars.

It was Matt who had driven him back, and Matt who held his purple hued hair back as he prayed to the porcelain god until 1 pm the next day.

And when they individually went through personal demons, like girls and school and friends, Jeff knew he was never alone cause Matt was stuck with him. DNA is a tricky sucker like that.

Even in the TNA, Jeff was with his friends from home, and his band. The ache of not having his brother there was bearable.

But now, Jeff was experiencing being alone, truly alone, for the first time.

He hadn't thought it would be so hard. He had known some of these people since puberty, for Christ sakes; they heard his fucking voice change. He had expected some sort of friction, as he hadn't left of the best terms, or even the most clear of terms. But he hadn't expected hostility or humiliation either.

People didn't openly mock him, or ostracize him like he had imagined, but the pointed suspicious looks he got sent chills up his spine for the first few weeks. Now he just kind of chuckled when he walks into rehearsal and people collectively look at the clock to see how late Jeff had walked in.

He also found out that people have changed. Some of the most radical being Michael, Paul, and John. Michael had completely grown up; he rarely cursed, rarely drank, and walked around with an ease and light smile that was completely foreign to Jeff. He was used to the man being funny and vulgar, with a cocky look permanently on his face. The heartbreak kid was one of the first to welcome Jeff back and had done so with a wide smile and a big hug.

The older man invited him to lunch to catch up and talk with Jeff, and Jeff, never one to say no to food or the Icon himself, agreed and within a half hour, between bites of burgers, Jeff saw the happiness in his friend.

"So, are you glad to be back, kid?" Michael had asked wile munching on a fry.

"I think so. Everything seems…different, ya know? I guess I half expected for time to have frozen and things to have been exactly the same."

Michael put down his food and looked Jeff square in the eye, "Yeah, but change can be a great thing. It's going to be hard at first, cause of … everything, but don't worry things will get better."

"It's just weird, cause there's no Matty and no one in the hotel room with me, checking in on me and stuff."

"Trust me. You'll have so many people checking on you now, your body temperature is probably gonna go up a couple degrees from everyone breathing down your back. Me included."

Jeff laughed and looked sheepishly down at his burger that was bleeding on his plate.

"Jeff, son, I know you probably hate talking about it, but just this once I have to say what I need to say: You messed up. It sucks, but we've all been there. It happened to Rob two months ago! And I mean, look who you're talking too. People are going to be hard on you, and maybe even resent you, but just tough it out cause there are some amazing people who'll love you just like your friends all love you, just like I love you. You know what you have to do and what you have to stay away from. I trust you, and if you ever need to talk, my door is always open."

Jeff took his napkin and pretended to wipe his mouth and nose while squeezing his eyes shut. When he opened them Michael's own kind blue eyes were still on him.

"Thank you, Michael. I… I'm just ready for something good to happen. And you've given me hope. So thanks. Thanks for everything."

And the Icon had been just as dedicated as he said he would. Michael tried to get Jeff out at lease once a week; for lunch or errands that the man had to do. He tried to get him to go out with others, in a group. But unless the older man was with him, he rarely made the effort.

So here he was, alone in his room with an empty beer can that was full of cigarette butts that had been smoked to the filter and the bottle of red, keeping both time and company.


This is something that has been in the back of my mind since Jeff had that one scene with Maria.

Then I saw the scene with Ric Flair and Maria and I noticed she had these bruises up and down her arm. In my mind I know that it's just because she's wrestling and stuff, but it made me wonder.

Should I continue? Cause I kind of want too. Jeff Hardy is my Holden Caulfield of wrestling. I just love him. This is also the first WWE fic that probably won't be slash. At least I don't think it will.

The Story is named after that Lovedrug song and this chapter is inspired by the Blindside song, "Roads". They are pretty fabulous songs; I'll send them to you if you ask.

I have no claims to anything you recognize and probably some things you don't.

Happy reading and reviewing! Eh-hem; did I mention happy reviewing?