Marlene: Uncle Sephiroth. Uncle Sephiroth!

Sephiroth: Hm— Huh? I swear officer, she said she was eighteen!

Marlene: What?

Sephiroth: Oh right... Story time...

Marlene: Look Uncle Sephiroth, my dad's probably getting worried by now so do you think I—

Sephiroth: And why would that brutish oaf be concerned?

Marlene: Because I've been gone nearly six years…

Sephiroth: I suppose one might construe that as a problem… But enough with the technicalities! It's time for yet another tale.

Marlene: Are you ser—

Sephiroth: Vodka! Now!

Marlene: Yes Uncle Sephiroth…

Sephiroth: Gather around fellow readers, for it's time that I present to you:

"Reeve's Story"

Taking a sip of the rich, tantalizing coffee he'd carefully brewed just moments earlier, Reeve stretched out on his office chair, cracking his knuckles, in preparation for a little online forum posting. It was a daily ritual for him early in the morning, to acclimate himself to the daily lingo in order to better connect with the younger public during media relation events.

Ever since the responsibility of restoring Midgar to its once former glory fell on him, he'd made it a mission to be a more progressive leader than his predecessors. After all, what good was a representative who couldn't mix it up with the common crowd from time to time?

Truthfully, when it came to online forums, Reeve was more of a lurker than a poster, opting to simply absorb the witty anecdotes and incessant diatribes that often resulted in flame wars. He often questioned how one could stoop down to the level where all logic was replaced with pure, unfiltered "fanboyism" as the younger crowd called it. It was actually quite amusing, watching the devolution of society online. For him, it was a simple pleasure he could appreciate in light of the daily monotony involving paperwork, crunching budget numbers and preparing public speeches.

"Let's see here…" he murmured to himself as he logged into his favorite video game site. Scouring through the various posts, he found one particularly heated topic concerning the current state of the console race. Reeve had only recently become familiar with them and now knew that the market was dominated primarily by the Sunny PlayBox, Macrohard's X-Station and the Teenundo MyWee! In fact, he was proud to be a recent owner of a MyWee!, having even spent some time playing some of the purchased games over the past several weeks. It truly was a pleasant escape from the daily rigors.

He wasn't sure how many of his colleagues gamed as well. He was aware that Yuffie owned an X-station. Also, he recalled a recent visit to Tifa's bar, spotting both Denzel and Marlene playing on their PlayBox. He wondered if Tifa and Cloud ever joined in but had to chuckle at that because he simply couldn't see it. Especially Cloud.

Reeve never really understood the need for people to personally attach themselves to their consoles, as if they were extensions of their beings. As far as he was concerned, they were machines meant to provide a moderate source of entertainment, nothing more. So how someone could get so worked up when his or her favorite console was insulted by another remained a mystery to him. Perhaps it was simply one of those things he would never figure out.

Reeve clicked the controversial topic in question and after spending several minutes reading through the various posts with mild amusement, found himself itching to respond to one in particular.

Message posted at 6:43:14 am by BoxRulez4lyfe:

lol! MYWEE? please. that turd is the shittiest shit that was ever shat out of anyones ass. In fact, its so shitty that the shit it shits doesn't even wanna be affilieatted with it. its that bad. Pleese son, the PlayBox is were its at. What kind of stupid gayass name is MYWEE naywayz? did it come out of the gayass north crater along with all the other gay things that have come out of itt?

Reeve wasn't sure if it was the crude nature of the post, the rife spelling errors, or the blatant butchering and complete disregard for the English language that set him off. After all, he was working hard to inject more money into the public school systems to avoid atrocities like this. Or perhaps it was the insensitive remark regarding the North Crater, which was a sore subject for Reeve. The least the poster could have done was leave that part out.

Still… Reeve normally wouldn't have bothered with a reply, but as a new owner of a Wee!, he felt the least he could do was shed some positive light on a system he felt received too much unfair criticism.

And so for the first time ever, Reeve did the unthinkable: he posted a response.

Message posted at 8:02:59 am by WHOdat?:

BoxRulez4lyfe, there's really no need for that kind of insensitivity. Let's keep things civil and try and make this forum better for everyone. What do you say?

And just for the record, MyWee! is a great system. There's no need to degrade something which you feel holds no utility value for you. Let others enjoy it as they see fit.

Feeling satisfied with his succinct response, Reeve decided to log off and attend to other matters around the office. The rest of the employees would be coming in right now so it was time to prepare the daily itinerary.


Reeve loved the mid-morning coffee break for two reasons: it allowed him time to evaluate how the day was going and adjust accordingly, and it granted him fifteen crucial minutes to unwind and check the latest happenings on the web.

After reading up on some recent events all around Edge, he logged onto the gaming site and scrolled to the topic of interest, searching for a reply to his post.

Message posted at 9:21:01 am by BoxRulez4lyfe:

Hey douchebag WHODAT or whatever youre stupid name is, you sound older than my granpa and he's dead. why don't u go get in youre gayass coffen and die already you old fart. u sound like the douchiest douche whoever lived. In fact, you're so douche that you make douche people look not douche. That's how douche u are. And dont try and sugercote it but MYWEE is just as gay and douchy as you. You two belong together. why don't you go make out with it already u creepy old loner?

Reeve sat in stunned silence, staring at the monitor in shock. He definitely hadn't expected this. At worst, he expected a subtle crude remark or a very minor underhanded comment but this? This was something else entirely.

Message posted at 10:14:45 am by WHOdat?:

BoxRulez4lyfe, I'm not entirely sure what is that I've written that's offended you so readily but there's really no need for that kind of language ever. If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to discuss this in a civil manner and get to the bottom of where all your source of anger is coming from.

I meant no disrespect earlier, so please don't misconstrue my post. I'm simply attempting to instill some civility in a place I feel the mods have unfortunately given up on. Also, for the record, just because I own a MyWee! doesn't make me old. In fact, many younger people own one as well.

Reeve checked his watch. It was time for the pre-lunch staff meeting.


"I can see you're all beginning to doze off," Reeve remarked, gazing around the boardroom table. "I'll tell you what… Everyone take five, get up, walk around and stretch. Do whatever you need to but be back here in five. We still got a lot to cover."

"Yes sir," the staff replied in unison.

"Yuffie?" Reeve called out to her. The young ex-ninja had just recently become a permanent employee with the WRO after finally giving up on her former life as a petty thief. Truthfully, she was a far better secretary than he'd ever anticipated.

"Hey Reeve, what's up?" she called out chirpily.

"You own an X-Station right?"

She stared at him in puzzlement for a second. "This isn't a conversation I ever expected to be having with you."

"Why? Because I'm old and don't seem like the video game type?"

With a chuckle, she shrugged sheepishly. "Well… yeah…"

He dismissed the remark. "I was just wondering… What's your take on MyWee!"

"I mean it's a little underpowered compared to the others but it gets the job done."

"But you wouldn't say it's designed strictly for older people right?"

"Them… and really young kids as well. It's adequate for a particular crowd who don't need much to be pleased." She looked on, unsure if that was the response he was looking for.

"Okay thanks." With not much time to spare, Reeve found himself back in his office chair, eager to see if his reply had netted a response.

Message posted at 11:37:41 am by BoxRulez4lyfe:

LOL! LMAO! WHO TALKS LIKE THAT? SRYSLY GRANPA? dood, you sound like the most oldest nurd ni history, even worse than the douche I described before. no u know what? you're not even a douche, you're douchebitch, where even the douches make u there bitch. that's how big of a douche and a bitch u are. your probably such a douchbitch that even they wont let you into their little douchbitch fanclub. ROFL BBQSAUCE!XD! #!#!OWNZERZ!

heres an idea douchebtich, why dont u just bend over already and sav me the troublle? your lucky to be hiding behind your comp right now granpa.

Never in recent memory had Reeve been as appalled as this. For someone to not just call him a bitch—as Sephiroth once did during their infamous battle at the Northern Crater, insisting that only a bitch would hide behind a mechanical robot during a potentially planet ending battle—but a douchebitch was something that didn't sit quite well with him. And the comment about him having to bend over? Those days as an intern under Heidegger were long over.

"He's just a kid Reeve…" he uttered to himself. "Just a kid… Take the high road. Just shake your head, laugh and walk away now. It's a stupid message board full of juveniles. No need to stoop to their level. You're better than this." Standing up proudly, Reeve smoothed over his suit and headed back towards the staff room.

Exactly nine seconds passed before he raced back in.

Message posted at 11:57:09 am by WHOdat?:

BoxRulez4lyfe, I'm beginning to grow quite tired of your little charade. I see what you're doing and it's not working. I won't give you the pleasure of verbally antagonizing me like that. This is what you do. You feed off of other's emotions by adding more fuel to the fire. You're nothing but a troll. There, I said it. I'm sorry but it's the truth.

Have a nice day and hopefully you'll smarten up before you get banned.


When lunchtime rolled around, Reeve found himself at his desk again, ignoring his sandwich while anxiously logging into his account. He promised himself this would be the last time he would check. "I'll just see what he says," he assured himself.

Message posted at 12:12:51 am by BoxRulez4lyfe:

stfu noob. Why don't u go play bingo? Isn't that what old people do at noon?

Reeve's expressionless face remained frozen while his eyes hardened into narrow slits.

Message posted at 1:06:24 am by WHOdat?:

Listen you inconsiderate little piece of shit. Why don't you show other people on here a little more respect before they eventually end up finding you and breaking your scrawny little legs? It's people like you who make this forum an unpleasant place to visit.


Feeling mentally exhausted after listening to the hour long pitch from a group of building contractors eager to erect new high rises along the outskirts of Edge, Reeve plopped down into his chair and turned on his monitor.

After responding to various emails, he found himself with a few spare minutes. "No," he said to himself. "I'm done with it…"

He continued glaring at the monitor as it stared back soundlessly, as if silently pleading with him to do what needed to be done. Finally caving to the power of computer pressure, he decided it wouldn't hurt just to take a quick peek. But this time however, no matter what was written, he would no longer allow himself to get so emotionally carried away.

Reeve noticed that there was a special message in his private box from the moderator. That was strange…

Message posted at 1:59:52 pm by moderator :

Due to the inflammatory and threatening nature of your last post, which was brought to my attention by BoxRulez4lyfe, you've received an infraction. This is only a warning but further action will result in the suspension of your account pending review.

Have a nice day.

"Have a nice day?" Reeve scoffed. That immature brat! The nerve to report him to the moderator! Why, he could have simply done the same to him but he hadn't on account of the sacrosanct message board code. Everyone with decency in the online forum world knew this was a line you didn't cross. But by doing so, his foe had initiated a dangerous slippery slope.

Reeve knew he'd promised himself that he would no longer expend energy in the matter but this was different. His foe had snitched him out and that kind of deplorable offense wouldn't be tolerated by a man of his integrity.

Message posted at 2:44: 29 pm by WHOdat?:

So you're a snitch now BoxRulez4lyfe? Is that what it's come down to, snitching on fellow members? I never thought you'd stoop so low. If I remember correctly, there's a certain unwritten code that's just never supposed to be breached. I certainly didn't, despite your rude comments, yet you go behind my back and call me out to the moderator for something quite tame in comparison to what you posted?

I wasn't aware that's how we operated in these forums. I truly expected some form of civility here but I guess I was wrong. I'll be waiting to hear from you.

"Reeve?" Yuffie stuck her head inside the door.

Startled, he looked up. "Yuffie? What is it?"

"We have a few people from the northern district here to see you about some piping problems in some of their buildings?"

Sighing, he nodded and logged off.


"So as you can see, if the WRO can issue us some funds, we can proceed with the galvanization effort. Improved pipe longevity will ensure their durability for future generations," one of the committee members explained.

"Right, right…" Reeve muttered absently, his eyes looking through the meeting room glass towards the far side of his office.

"Mr. Tuesti, forgive me for coming off as impolite, but are you even listening?"

"Hmm?" His attention snapped back towards the group of anxious faces—three men and three women—who'd personally requested to meet with him. It was a meeting that had taken months to set up. He stared at them all for a second before clearing his throat and getting up. "Would you just excuse me for a moment?"


Message posted at 2:59:07 pm by BoxRulez4lyfe:

Yeah i ratted u out, what are u gonna do aboout it? Ownd granpa. U got sonned! what? u got nothin! That's right, nothing because the time it'll take u to gett up and walk across from wherever the hell it is u r to over here with ur patheticass cane will be so logn that ill have already aged and died by then multiple tims over

So this is waht I have to say to u: Suck it granpa. Suk uit. U got got you doutchbitchass noob.


Reeve found himself clenching his teeth so hard that his gums began to hurt.

Message posted at 3:14:23 pm by WHOdat?:

Why are you so angry? I'm trying to reason with you and you won't even give me the chance. If you insist on making a fool of yourself and posting wildly inflammatory remarks then I'll have no choice but to go against my code of ethics and report you.

Not entirely satisfied, Reeve felt he had to add more but Yuffie stuck her head through the door. "Uh Reeve? What're you doing?"

Rolling his eyes, he glared at her. "Yuffie, five minutes. Just five minutes."

"Reeve they've been waiting for this meeting for over three months. You insisted that you have face time with them personally for public relations purposes. Remember? Can't whatever this is wait another half hour?"

Reeve found himself committing a habit he'd long believed to have abandoned: biting his fingernails.

"So as you can see…" The man speaking eyed him peculiarly. "Everything all right Mr. Tuesti?"

"My apologies but it seems that I may have left my phone back in office. It's imperative that I retrieve it as there's some information pertinent to our meeting on there."


Message posted at 3:16:40 pm by BoxRulez4lyfe?:

Go ahead and report me granpa. like im scared of u and youre douchebitch cane. why dont you and all the rest of your old douchefriends round up your shriveled WEEs and come fine me. ill still kick all your asses.

"Reeve? What're you doing?" Yuffie asked with a stunned look. "You said you were going to get your phone."


"So what do you think of our proposal Mr. Tuesti? The potenti—"

"I just need a moment to use the public restroom. It won't take long."

Message posted at 3:35:11 pm by WHOdat?:

Listen you gutless little puke. I bet it's so easy to hide behind your keyboard and monitor and talk big but the truth of it is, you're probably nothing more than a whiny, spoiled little child whose sense of entitlement has led him here on this destructive path of cynicism and universal hate for everything and everyone. Your parents would be ashamed of you right now if they found out the things you've been typing. On a good day, you have the mind of an infant with Down syndrome.

What you fail to understand puke, is that I will ultimately track you down and find you. Rest assured that I will. This is guaranteed. Much like we guaranteed to defeat Geostigma. I promise you Puke, that I will dedicate every fabric of my sweat to locating your current whereabouts and deal with you face to face. Then we'll see how you handle adversity. And you know how I can guarantee this eventual meeting Puke? Because I have the resources that's how. Unlike you, I'm a grown adult with a job and responsibility and normally I wouldn't put up with this form of pestilence but just this instance, I will dedicate what resources I have at my disposal to breaking down your door and ensuring that you never use your fingers to type anything ever again. By the time I'm through with you, you'll wish Geostigma had wiped you out during the purge instead of me you inconsiderate little brat. How do you like them apples… bitch?

"Reeve?" Yuffie cried in disbelief with a shake of her head. "Are you kidding me right now?"

"I'm coming! Damnit Kisiragi! If you're that bored, why don't you go steal something while you wait for me?"


Slinking back in his chair with a disheveled sigh and a glass of hard liquor in his hand, Reeve glared out his office window at the cityscape as the setting sun cast an array of reddish-orange hues all across the concrete jungle. What a day. Definitely not how he would have liked to have ended it.

Yuffie had slapped him and quit on the spot, the northern sector representatives had all stormed out in a fit of rage, the vending machine refused to work and someone had sexually molested the Cait Sith Mark V module hidden in the storage room. There was no point on dwelling on all that anymore however. He would fix everything tomorrow. It was his job to after all.

For now however…

With eager disposition, Reeve logged onto the message board, expecting another predictable, long drawn out, semi-coherent tirade about his old age, sexual orientation and questionable character. He couldn't wait to read what his petulant adversary had written next.

Your account has been terminated indefinitely. Please contact the moderator for further information.

The liquor glass fell to the floor, shattering into innumerable pieces.

Outside the office in the streets below, citizens looked up in alarm at the sound of a crashing window as a computer monitor was sent flying through it.


"Denzel!" Tifa called while climbing up the stairs to the boy's room. "It's time for dinner!" Walking in, she noticed the young child frowning into his monitor with Marlene by his side. "Denzel what's wrong?"

"Look." The perturbed child pointed to the screen.

Tifa read the message in question and looked up. "First thing tomorrow I'm calling Reeve. He'll trace who did this and send Cloud to deal with them so don't you worry." With a smile, she added… "And that'll be my chance to pounce…"

"What?" Denzel and Marlene asked in unison.

"Nothing. Now hurry down before your dinner gets cold."

Marlene shook her head in question after Tifa left. "Why would anyone send you a message like that? What did you do?"

Denzel shrugged. "I dunno. I was out all day. Did you see anyone else using my computer?"

"No, I just saw Cloud tiptoe out of here trying to avoid Tifa. Why was he in your room anyways?"

"Something about this being the last place she'd look for him." Denzel looked across at his TV. "Also, he's beginning to get really addicted to my PlayBox so he's started hanging out here more than usual."

"He stays in your room?"

Denzel nodded. "He stays up late at night playing and screaming at the TV while I'm trying to sleep, calling everyone else old or whatever. It's actually kinda creepy."


Sephiroth: After the chocobo haired idiot disposed of the doll loving fetishist in a swift manner, he was handled abruptly afterwards by yours truly. Bow in awe of my presence.

Marlene: I don't ever remember me ever having that conversation with Denzel... Also, everyone keeps saying that it was you who got his butt kicked during the battle in the Norther—

Sephiroth: Silence you insolent brat! I am the story teller! I choose how the story goes!

Marlene: Okay fine… so Cloud killed Reeve even though he was the one who started it?

Sephiroth: I'm not in a position to decide what happens. I only tell the story.

Marlene: But you just said—

Sephiroth: Vodka!