I don't own Naruto

Ino glowed as she walked the streets of Konoha. With a big silly grin, she walked on autopilot to the place where she agreed to meet her team. Both her teammates greeted her as she approached, and though curious to her mood, they kept quiet. After all, if the mood-deficient schizophrenic (AKA: WOMAN) was in a good mood, no need to risk screwing it up. Then, Team Shikamaru began their journey to the rendezvous for their next mission. The mission was to escort the Kazekage around town during his stay. However, even though this mission was fairly simple, for some reason, a group of five nins were assigned to the mission. Ino's team and Naruto's team were the teams assigned. Shikamaru sighed and logically guessed that it was Gaara's request to have Naruto's team assigned to the mission and that Temari requested Shikamaru's team.

The two teams met at the Konoha main gates to welcome the Kazekage's envoy and the Kazekage himself. Being the hyperactive energizer bunny that he is, Naruto yelled out a boisterous greeting while Gaara merely nodded his acknowledgement. Temari gave a kiss on Shikamaru's cheek and smiled at the energetic blonde. Gaara and his sister had two more sand ninjas accompanying them and they gave a deep respectful bow to Naruto while completely ignoring the other Konoha ninjas. Chouji, Ino, and Sakura gave a look of confusion while the rest of the crew merely ignored it.

Shikamaru started off with the formal welcoming. "Kazekage-sama, on behalf of Konoha, we welcome you to our village. If there is anything you need or desire, simply tell us what you would like and we will endeavor to appease your requests."

"Thank you for your hospitality, me and my sister greatly appreciate Konoha's gracious gestures."

Not one to tolerate all the formality, Naruto decided to add in his own informal greeting. "Alright, now that all that boring junk is out of the way, it's time TO PARTY!"

All the Konoha ninjas decided to make a group effort of bonking the blonde demon-carrier on the head. Ever ready to verbally abuse her teammate, Sakura said, "BAKA, that is not how you address a Kage."

A calm, deep, and quiet voice spoke, "It is alright Haruno Sakura. We are all friends here and you, being his precious woman, should know the best that Naruto is not one for treating friends and comrades as strangers." After the Kazekage spoke, a silence descended upon the crowd as Ino's face turned stern while Sakura looked down and away from everyone.

"Excuse me for interrupting Kazekage-sama, but I must inform you that Naruto no longer dotes upon his teammate. My name is Yamanaka Ino, and I am his girlfriend."

Completely surprised, Gaara quirked a nonexistent eyebrow and gave a questioning glance at Sakura. The pink-haired medic-nin merely nodded her head in the affirmative at the unasked question. Ever since the two declared their relationship, Sakura has been having a hard time finding her new role with Ino and Naruto. After Naruto came back from his training trip, the atmosphere between her and Naruto changed. While she still announced to everyone that she was going to bring back Sasuke and still held some affection for him, she no longer saw Sasuke in her future life. The three plus years since his betrayal, Sakura did something that no one in her profession could escape: she grew up. As she matured the past few years, she realized that while she would love to claim that she and Sasuke would be together forever, she imagined herself marrying her blonde teammate. She may have not loved him as much as Ino and Naruto seemed to love each other, but she knew she could easily fall for him should she choose to do so. The comfort level between her and Naruto was something that not even her parents shared with her. So even though she tried her best to avoid Naruto and Ino, she couldn't help herself but to always draw near her blonde friends. In fact, every time she was alone with Naruto, she secretly expected him to shout out how he still loved her and that he would gladly leave Ino for her. But reality was harsh and she would see it upfront every moment Ino would find Naruto, rush into his arms, and share a loving kiss with Naruto.

Gaara took a moment to himself as the group began some small talk. He observed Sakura's far-off expression and wondered how the two blondes managed to be together. About a year ago, he visited Konoha on a whim to see if Naruto was up for a friendly spar, only to be disappointed. The pink-haired nin before him informed that he was off on a mission and would return a week later. He never had a chance to speak with Sakura, so he took this chance to apologize for his past actions. When Sakura looked confused, Gaara reminded her of the Sand-Sound Invasion where he had nearly killed her with his sand. Brushing off his apology, Sakura said that all things turned out well and there was no need to remember things that were long forgotten. Nodding his head and accepting her forgiveness, he merely stated that she was right and that even had he tried to truly kill her, Naruto would have stopped him regardless. With the mention of Naruto's name, Sakura's face softened and smiled lightly. Noticing the warm look on her face, Gaara questioned if Naruto finally succeeded in capturing her heart. Sakura laughed and waved a denial at Gaara and claimed that they were just friends. Gaara countered the denial stating that Uzumaki Naruto would never give up until she finally accepted him as her beloved. Agreeing with the Kazekage, she said she was just waiting to deal with the excess baggage, which was mainly Sasuke, before finally accepting Naruto. So the fact that Gaara was completely confused about the current events shouldn't be a surprise, but he filed away all the information and decided to just watch what would happen in the future.

As everyone made their way towards the Hokage Tower, Naruto started a conversation with his red-haired friend. "Soooooo, Gaara, what are your plans today?"

"I have an important meeting with the Hokage that I must attend."

"Aw, do you have to attend? It can't be that important, can it?"

"Yes it is, it is for the benefit of both our villages and there is nothing that can make me miss it."

"C'mon, there's gotta be something better to do than go to that meeting, just skip it." By now, the entire group was shell-shocked at Naruto's words. Ino tried to keep her boyfriend in line, but Naruto ignored it.

Gaara sighed at Naruto's antics and just said, "It is imperative that I go to this meeting. So I would greatly appreciate it if you would just be patient and wait for the meeting to be over. After all, there is nothing you can say or do that will make me voluntarily miss this meeting." Gaara walked off, but since he had his back turned to Naruto, he couldn't see Naruto smirking.

Using a sly tone of voice, Naruto drawled out an innocent statement. "Well, that's too bad then. Cause, there is this open field twenty kilometers south of here that used to be a battlefield, and we could spar each other without worrying bout changing the landscaping." Gaara's other nonexistent eyebrow twitched. Noticing Gaara's pause, Naruto pressed his advantage, "It's been awhile since we both went all out. Too bad you have to go to that boring meeting that you could always have some other time. Oh well, have fun at the meeting. I might as well go to that field, directly twenty kilometers south of here, and train a bit. See you later!" Turning around, Naruto ninja-jumped up and left, making his way south.

Gaara turned around as well and spoke to his sister. "Temari, it is imperative that you go to this meeting. It is for the benefit of both our villages that you go and NOT MISS that meeting. I will see you later this evening." Before anyone could make a response, Gaara teleported away, leaving only a trail of sand in his wake. Finally realizing what her brother did, Temari stomped her foot and screamed out, "GAARA, GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANCE!" When Gaara didn't return, Temari pulled her pigtails in frustration and said, "Now what?!? How am I supposed to tell the Hokage that my IRRESPONSIBLE brother decided to skip out and play hooky!"

Shikamaru sighed and grumbled out, "Just blame it on Naruto."

The forever kind Chouji then remarked, "So you just gonna blame all this on Naruto-kun?"

"When have we not ever blamed Naruto?" Sakura added. Chouji shrugged his shoulders and gave up; he was too hungry to argue.

Knowing that it was up to her to defend her slave…..errr…..boyfriend, Ino said, "HEY, no picking on my boyfriend while he isn't here!"

"Tch…how troublesome. You know that it is his fault Ino."

Before Ino could retort back, Temari cut her off. "So blaming Naruto will work?"

"Well yeah, of course it will work. Shishou will rub her temples in frustration, curse at him, and call him a brat. After a minute, she'll realize it's futile and just waive it off and will find a way to torture him the next time she sees him." The rest of the gang looked at Sakura and all assumed the same thing, 'Sounds like she has a lot of experience in doing that.' Noticing the odd looks she was receiving, she put her hands on her hip and said, "Well, you guys would do the same thing too if you had her as your master. Getting hit with chakra enhanced punches that could pulverize a mountain everyday is not something I enjoyed."


Naruto smiled once he saw Gaara land in front of him. "Oi, Gaara, I thought you had a meeting to attend."

Showing an expressionless face as usual, Gaara said, "Temari said she was more than willing to go in my place."

"So, wanna make our fight a little more interesting today?" After Gaara quirked his eyebrow, Naruto continued. "If I lose, I'll buy you whatever you want, but if I win, you're gonna buy me thirty bowls of ramen."

"Don't be ridiculous, I refuse. Everyone knows you won't lose if ramen is on the line. Let us begin."

Crossing his arms and putting on a huge smile, Naruto laughed brashly and arrogantly at Gaara. "HAHAHA, don't tell me your scared Gaara."

Not pleased at all for the comments and the laugh, Gaara answered back with an icy stare and threatening retort. "I am not scared. I just refuse to make a ridiculous bet."



When Gaara just stood there, Naruto began flapping his arms like a chicken while clucking, "BWOCK-BOCK-BOCK-BOCK……..BU-COOOCK!"

Incapable of showing an angry face but filled with rage, Gaara quietly said, "Fine, why don't we up the stakes, Uzumaki Naruto."

Stopping his chicken dance, Naruto asked, "What do you mean?"

"If I win, you will grant me a favor of whatever I ask of."

"What favor?"

"I will tell you that after I have won this match."

"Hey, that's not fair at all, you gotta tell me----"

"And if you win, I will buy you a hundred bowls of ramen."


"Do we have a deal?"

The drooling blonde ninja wiped off his spit and said, "You just made the biggest mistake of your life Gaara. There is no way I'm gonna lose this fight." Falling into a loose fighting stance, Naruto asked, "You ready to dance?" Waiting for an answer, Naruto was completely caught off guard when a ball of sand hit him on the back of his head. "OWWW……THAT HURT!"

"It was supposed to."

Rubbing his head furiously to ease the pain, he shouted, "But I didn't say go yet." Falling back into his fighting stance, Naruto continued, "When I say go….." Right as the word go came out of his lips, another ball of sand hit him in the exact same spot. "OWWW….THAT HURT EVEN MORE!"

"It was supposed to."


"You said go."

"Look, I'll count to three and then say go. Then we can start the match. Okay, you ready? One, two….."




"No what?"

"You have the unfair advantage. Since you're counting, you can anticipate when you say go and have the unfair advantage to start the match."

Scratching his head in frustration, Naruto pulled out a kunai. "Okay, fine. I'll throw this kunai up into the air as high as I can, and once it hits the ground, we start. Is that fine with you?"

"It will do."

"Okay. Here goes." Naruto threw the weapon as hard as he could towards the sky. After launching the kunai upwards, Naruto kept his eye on the kunai as it ascended. Since he kept his eyes on the kunai, he didn't notice another ball of sand approach him. This time it hit him in the face. "OWW, WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?!?!!?"

"Oops, it slipped."

"LIAR, you did that on purpose!"

"Prove it."

Growling in frustration, Naruto looked around for any more surprise attack….and he missed the fact that the kunai landed. But Gaara didn't. Another ball of sand whacked Naruto on the back of his head and Naruto yelled in pain and frustration as he saw Gaara disappear into his shield ball of sand. "Gaara, you are sooooooo dead."


A dejected Naruto was being treated by Sakura while grumbling about cheating sand users. With all the grumbling and complaining coming out of the loudest ninja in the universe, the Kazekage could only look pleased with his victory over the fellow demon container. While it seemed like Gaara came out of the fight unscathed, he withstood quite a large amount of angry attacks from the blonde eyesore. But the outcome was worth every bruise and ache he attained because he was able to acquire any means of compensation for winning the challenge. Waiting for the pink-haired medic-nin to finish healing Naruto, Gaara continued to ignore Temari's report on the meeting. Seeing and knowing that Gaara was ignoring her, Temari started to rant about irresponsible brothers. After a particular and colorful remark, Gaara finally looked at Temari and gave her a questioning glance. "What did Kankuro do now?"

Temari suddenly turned into an angry woman (AKA: A Demon) with Gaara's ignorant question, but before she could whip out her fan and serve out her righteous fury, Naruto interrupted and saved Gaara's ass by asking, "Alright, you win, you cheating 'I-only-have-to-stand-there-and-let-the-sand-do-all-the-work' sneaky bastard. What's the favor you want?" The last part of that statement was said through clenched teeth.

"I will inform you of your task once we are alone." Turning to the rest of the crowd, Gaara relayed an order. "Everyone leave."

Completely surprised with the command, the rest of the group could only look on in shock or stutter like a Hyuuga heiress. Temari, who was already angered as it was, said, "Now wait a minute. You can't just say leave after we just got here. I want to know what happened and why Naruto is doing a favor for you. Better yet, I want to know what the favor is. I deserve to know after attending that boring meeting that you were supposed to attend." Crossing her arms, Temari stood her ground against her brother.

"If you don't leave now, I will tell Shikamaru what you bought for him before departing for Konoha. And I will do so in front of everyone here. In fact, maybe it would be better if I showed everyone what it is."

Temari panicked as she remembered the skimpy lingerie that she bought that didn't cover up certain parts of her body so that a lazy shadow user can easily have access. And realizing that Gaara wouldn't hesitate to deliver on his threat, she quickly began moving the crowd away from the jinchuuriki duo. "C'mon guys, lets give the two of them some time to bond and what not. After all, there's nothing interesting here to see or hear."

While Temari was somehow pushing four ninjas, including one massive Akimichi, Shikamaru said, "Stop being so troublesome. And what's the big deal? I don't care if the rest of my friends know what you got for me."

"SHUT UP! I didn't buy you a present. That was just Gaara's way of signaling that he wanted some privacy."

The two girls and Chouji just went "Ah," and Temari nearly pulled off a well designed distraction. However, like all men in relationships, Shikamaru screwed up and ruined her quick-thinking actions. "Well then why is your face all red and why is that phrase the signal?"

Temari's answer was delivered directly from her mouth and screamed into the shadow user's unfortunate ear. "BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO!"


Meanwhile, our two lovable demon-containers were having a conversation. And after Gaara articulated his favor, Naruto immediately screamed, "WHAT! Are you crazy?!?!"

The ever stoic Gaara then asked back, "Is my mental welfare going to be a problem for this situation?"

"Well, no, but have you gone insane? I can't believe the favor you want is…..that."

"When have you ever known my sanity to be stable?"

Scratching his head and laughing nervously, Naruto couldn't help but agree. "Guess you're right. I still can't believe it though. And I guess you would have to be nuts and out of your mind to pursue someone like Anko." Naruto was completely shocked when Gaara confessed his feelings for the purple haired Mitarashi. Apparently, it seemed that Gaara had no idea on how to pursue a girl, so he asked Naruto to help him with his plight. Still confused on how Gaara could ever develop feelings for the evil…..err….crazy….err….sadistic……err…..not so average kunoichi but ever ready to help a friend in need, Naruto addressed Gaara. "Okay, I'm gonna need Ino to help me with this situation. So just sit tight while I go look for her, and I highly suggest you reconsider your decision to chase after Anko."

Leaving Gaara to his own devices, Naruto left to search for Ino. After locating her Naruto quickly flashed into the middle of the group and whisked Ino away before anyone could even comment about his arrival. Temari, who was still red from blushing earlier, asked, "What the fuck was that?"

Shikamaru, who had Sakura healing his eardrums in hope of him regaining his hearing, asked in a sarcastic tone of voice, "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? I COULDN'T HEAR YOU WITH ALL THE BLOOD IN MY EAR!"

Naruto returned to Gaara with Ino in his arms. After putting her down, Naruto said, "Sorry about that Ino, I didn't mean to surprise you or anything, but I needed your help with Gaara."

"What am I supposed to help with?"

Before Naruto could explain the situation, Gaara interrupted. "Uzumaki Naruto, I am unsure of whether or not I am comfortable about Yamanaka Ino knowing of my situation."

"Don't worry Gaara. Ino won't say anything. Plus, I can help you much better with her here. I'll be able to give demonstrations and examples on what to do."

Gaara nodded his head and said, "Alright, I shall trust you in this endeavor. As long as you succeed in this task, I shall not complain."

Not happy with being part of the background, Ino made herself known again. "Okay, now that we established a base of trust, can someone tell me what the hell is going on?!?!

"Gaara gots the hots for Anko, and we're here to help him bag her."

Silence filled the air for just a moment before Ino commented about Naruto's explanation. "Well…..that was a lot shorter of an explanation than I was expecting."

Naruto shrugged. "It's direct, precise, and straight to the point."

"Okay, I guess I can't argue." Ino then directed her attention to Gaara. "Okay, when Naruto said Anko, I'm assuming you guys are talking about Mitarashi Anko, am I right?" When Gaara nodded his head in the affirmative, Ino asked another question. "Just to be ENTIRELY sure, purple-haired snake user with a trench-coat and eats dangos almost as religiously as Naruto eats ramen?" Once again nodding his head, Ino slowly asked, "You do know that she's almost two decades older than you?"

"I am aware of the age gap."

Ino took a deep breath and cautiously asked, "You do know that she is a psychopathic, blood-thirsty maniac with an unhealthy obsession for violence?"

Pausing for a moment that was in complete and not entirely comfortable silence, Gaara responded. "I don't know how well you know me and my past, but I do not feel uncomfortable about bloodshed and violence is my only outlet for stress release. She is also probably much more mentally stable than I will ever hope to be."

Not quite sure on how to respond to his response, she said, "Okay, just making sure. Could you now tell me why you like her, it could help us help you."

"Her personality is much like Naruto's and I am attracted to it."

Quickly making his way behind Ino and embracing her from behind, Naruto made sure to inform Gaara where he stood in his sexuality. "Wow Gaara, I never would have expected you to swing both ways. But I'm straight and I'm with Ino."

Not pleased with Naruto's comment, Gaara promptly retorted, "I have no interest in men. It's just that you are my best friend and I have come to enjoy your boisterous outlook in life. I see the same positive attitude exerted by Mitarashi Anko and I am intrigued by her in ways only a female can cause, Uzumaki Naruto." After expressing his reasons, he waited for the other two to comprehend all that was said.

"So is her personality the only thing that attracted you to her?" Ino asked.

"No, there is one other thing."

"Oh, what is it?"

"She has really big breasts."


Ino's eye twitched. But before she could comment about said statement, Naruto opened his mouth and pissed Ino off even more. "Yeah, I know where you coming from. She's got some very nicely shaped melons." However, a few seconds after he shared his thoughts on Anko's rack, the perverted grin fell from his face as he noticed a red haze beside him. Seeing his slave-driver….err….girlfriend angry, he quickly added onto his comment. "But her breasts aren't nearly as nice as Ino's."

Even more pissed off when Naruto compared her chest with the special jounin's chest, she was startled when Gaara began staring at her assets. Immediately covering her chest with her arms, she screamed with a red face, "DON'T JUST LOOK AT THEM!"

After making his observations, Gaara said, "No, Mitarashi Anko's breast are bigger and seem to be better formed than Yamanaka Ino's."

Appalled with the fact that the Kazekage was comparing her bust with those of Anko's and hearing Gaara's dissatisfaction with her milk-processors, she shrunk with embarrassment. Noticing his girlfriend's reaction, he defended her. "Oi Gaara, she isn't that much smaller than Anko. It's just that the clothes and chest-wrapping make it seem smaller. I can tell you this, she has one of the best set of hooters in this village. I would put it in the top five of Konoha."

Ino wanted to disappear. Her boyfriend and Kazekage were casually conversing about her breasts like they were talking about weapons. 'Oh my goodness, this is so embarrassing. Can it get any worse?' Oh yes it can.

Gaara seemed intrigued with what Naruto said. "Is that so? I didn't assume that she was wearing chest-bindings. I guess that would affect the outward shape and size of her chest." Turning towards Ino, he let out a command. "Take off your shirt and wrappings so I can properly see if what Uzumaki Naruto said was correct."

Ino squeaked at the order. According to the mission parameters, unless the Hokage herself contradicted it, the Kazekage's orders were to be treated like the Hokage's orders. Unable to figure out what to do, Ino silently thanked Naruto as he stood in front of her and addressed the red-haired vessel. "C'mon now Gaara, it isn't really proper to go around and order girls to take off their shirts. You can stare at their chest as long as they don't catch you, but you definitely can't ask them to just take off their shirt."

"Why not? If I ordered someone to take off their shirt, they should have no qualms and take off their shirt."

Naruto pondered about it for a moment before shaking his head. "Well, you could order them to do it, and it would be nice to just order all the hot girls you meet to do it, but it wouldn't be right. It's like killing, Gaara, you can do it; but, just because you can do it, doesn't mean its right to do it."

Gaara nodded his head slowly and responded with a, "I see."

All Ino could do was groan at the comparison to ordering-girls-to-take-off-their-tops to killing. If it wasn't for the fact that Ino was currently hiding her face in Naruto's back, she would have bopped Naruto for his comments about staring at girls' chests and how it would be nice to order hot girls to strip. "I can't believe this, I'm surrounded by perverts. Why are all overpowered, male ninjas perverts?"

Naruto's answer just made Ino groan even more in frustration. "Well that's just a side-effect from having too much power." Naruto cleared his throat so he could speak in a solemn, serious voice. "After all, with great power, comes great perverseness."

'Why the hell is he my boyfriend?'


"Okay, listen carefully, Gaara. Women like to beat around the bush and be difficult with men. It's in their nature. But just because they are like that, doesn't mean they want their men to be like that. Over three quarters of all females want a man who is confident and assertive. Sure they go around saying, 'I'm independent and I don't need a man to tell me what to do.' But just because they don't need a man to take care of them, doesn't mean they don't want a man that they can depend on. So the first thing you will be doing when you approach Anko is to let her know what kind of man you are. You will make direct eye contact and introduce yourself to her with a strong, firm voice. Make sure your posture isn't rigid or stiff, it'll tell her that you're either nervous or uncomfortable. But you also don't want to fidget. You with me so far?" Gaara, who was captivated with Naruto's words, nodded his head while Ino merely rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. 'Oh my God, this is the most testosterone filled speech I've ever heard.'

Finding himself really into this lesson, Naruto continued with a passion that made Ino roll her eyes again. "Okay, once you established yourself to her, you want to make small conversation with her for a bit. And knowing you, I'm pretty sure you don't want to wait or develop something with her that will take time. You won't be in town for long and you don't have history with her to build upon. Therefore, you will take the high risk, high reward route. Because this is high risk, the consequences of failing could leave you in a spot where you might not have another chance with her. But the reward is by the end of your visit here in Konoha, you will have bagged THE Mitarashi Anko of Konoha. Are you prepared to take this route?"

"I am."

"Good……Ino come and help me with the demonstration now." Ino, who was completely dismayed by the bullshit that was coming out of the other blonde's mouth, moved over to Naruto so he could start his demonstration. "Now Gaara, once you've created a comfortable atmosphere with her, that is when you'll make your move on her. You'll continue your small talk, and while you do, you will non-conspicuously move closer to her and eliminate most of the empty space between you and her." While he was speaking, Naruto closed the distance between himself and Ino without drawing much attention to his actions. Once he was inside Ino's personal space, he continued talking but switched his gaze from Gaara to Ino. "Now, it's important that you don't lose eye contact here. Eye contact is very important. Once you have her gaze locked on you as well, stop talking with your mouth and start talking with your eyes."

"I do not understand how you can talk with your eyes."

Not breaking eye contact with Ino, he continued his lesson in a softer tone of voice. "Talking is just another form of communication. You wanna communicate to the one you love with your eyes by first losing yourself into her beautiful eyes." At this point, Ino was completely silent as she herself was finding herself lost in the moment. "You lose yourself in her eyes by thinking about all the things you love about her. You convey all your emotion with your own eyes to her, hoping against hope, that she'll understand and find herself lost within your own eyes." Naruto reached for Ino's hands and placed them in his own. "After being lost in her sheer beauty, you want to make some kind of contact, another type of unspoken communication. Softly caress or hold her and draw yourself even nearer." Like Naruto explained, Naruto slowly slid up closer to Ino until not much space was between their bodies.

By this time, Gaara no longer spoke, and merely listened and observed. Even though Naruto was talking to Gaara, the mood indicated that the words were mostly for Ino, since neither of the couple seemed to remember Gaara being present. Not wanting to break the moment, Gaara stayed silent.

While everything was quiet, the only sound being Naruto's voice and Ino's extremely loud heartbeat, Ino's mind was far from silent. Not only could she hear her heart beating on the outside, she could feel it pounding in her head since Naruto wouldn't break his gaze with Ino with even a blink. Blood rushed to her face and Naruto's actions brought memories of times when the two of them would just share quiet moments of solitude. She remembered how Naruto would stare at her much like he was currently when no words were being exchanged between the two. She couldn't help herself but look away or blush at the intensive look she would always receive. On one particular occasion after the first few times they would spend these private moments together, she broke the silence and said if he kept staring at her, he would grow tired of Ino's looks and leave her with a broken heart. While she spoke in jest to break the calm peace, Naruto's response was anything but. "I would never grow tired of looking at you. I see something new every time." Daunted with the softly spoken but serious words, she asked him with a tiny voice what he saw. Naruto would then gently smile and say, "I see a woman I love more than the woman I loved yesterday." After that incident, Ino never looked away and returned Naruto's loving gaze with the same intensity and a content smile.

Naruto continued his lesson. "After you close the distance with her, you want to close the distance between your faces. Shift your gaze just for a moment to her luscious lips. Then, as if by some magical, magnetic force, move your lips closer to hers slowly." As Ino and Naruto drew closer together, Naruto spoke even more quietly. "Finally, when you can feel her excited breath upon your own, close your eyes and prepare yourself for the most amazing feeling……" Ino closed her eyes, did as Naruto explained, and prepared herself. Right before lips touched, Naruto whipped around and gave Gaara his patented fox grin. "After that, she'll be putty in your hands," Naruto said in his normal, boisterous voice.

Eyes wide open from the momentary shock when her lips only met with air, Ino recovered once she heard Naruto's last statement. Hand forming into a shaking fist, she prepared to dish out her righteous, womanly wrath (AKA: ARMAGEDDON) until Naruto interrupted her. He swept Ino into his arms and gave the steamiest kiss in history that included lip-to-lip contact, tongue-to-tongue contact, hand-to-ass contact, hand-to-chest contact, and/or whatever the hell your perverted mind can conjure up. Whatever you think is hot and steamy that could happen in a kiss, it happened. Once this amazing make-out session finished, Naruto gave another closed-eye smile and said, "Oh, and you should do something spontaneous like that. Girls love that shit."

Noticing that Ino could no longer support herself with her legs and seemed to be draping herself all over Naruto to stay vertical, Gaara made note of the goofy grin and glazed eyes on her face. He also noticed how Ino's mouth was moving but the only thing coming out seemed to be garbled jumble. "I believe you have broken her."

Taking a look at his significant other, he merely laughed and said, "Naw….she's just reveling in the after-effects of a chakra-enhanced, corkscrew, jackhammer tongue technique. I call it the 'Unstoppable Tongue no Jutsu.' Of course, you did give me an idea. Maybe I should rename it the 'Break-A-Girl no Jutsu.' By the way, make a note. It works on both lips of a woman." Naruto winked after his sexual innuendo.

Quirking his non-existent eyebrow, Gaara asked, "I did not know you could concentrate chakra to your tongue. But more importantly, I did not know that chakra enhanced the experience."

"Yeah, well, you would be amazed at all the things chakra could possibly do."

Gaara looked over to Ino wondered when she would recover. "How long will she stay in her current state of being."

Shrugging his shoulders, Naruto said, "Well I don't know how long she'll actually stay this way, but I know a sure-fire way to get her out of it."

"And what is this method?"

Taking on a serious look, Naruto addressed the Kazekage. "All you have to do is say a word. But before I tell you what that word is, you must understand that this particular word is a forbidden word when speaking with women. Right now I can say bitch, whore, slut, or even cunt and she won't come out of this funk. But there is one word you can say or call a girl that will put fury into a woman."

Intrigued that there could be a forbidden word, Gaara asked, "And what is this word?"

"The forbidden word is…….fat."

Immediately Ino grabbed Naruto by his shirt and lifted him up. In an icy tone of voice, she not-so-sweetly asked, "Did you just call me fat?"

In an intimidated voice, Naruto responded, "Of course not honey. Gaara was just talking about your teammate and how fat Chouji has gotten. But I told him its probably not wise to use that word around him."

Blinking at his clarification, she said, "Oh," and put Naruto down. Turning to Gaara, she said, "Yeah, you shouldn't use that word around him. For some reason he's very sensitive to that word, which I don't understand. He's the only one I know that would ever react so strongly to a single word. I mean c'mon, its just a word."

Gaara opened his mouth to comment about Ino's own action but he saw Naruto standing behind Ino doing a slicing motion to his neck indicating that Gaara should just shut up. Knowing that his friend would never lead him astray, Gaara acknowledged Ino with a, "I see."

Naruto diverted Ino's attention and asked Ino for a favor. "Alright, now that we got our game plan down, we just gotta find her. Could you go look for her while I go over some last minute things with Gaara?" Ino nodded in the affirmative and left in search of Anko. After she departed Naruto turned back to Gaara to give the last of his wisdom. "Okay, now that you know the forbidden word, all you have to do is remember not to say that word and avoid using words that could possibly relate to it in any way. That means you can't use: large, big, wide, plus-size, humongous, enormous, thick, husky, chubby, stout, heavy, tubby, plump, overweight, round, chunky, massive, and bulky. I'm pretty sure I'm leaving out a lot of words you need to avoid using, but I think you get the idea. Of course, you can use these words as long as it is clearly understood that fat can't be directly or indirectly associated with said words. Of course, I think its better safe than sorry to avoid using those words."

Having trouble memorizing a whole list of adjectives and adverbs, Gaara asked, "I've talked to women before, and I never had problems using these words."

"Well, that's because you're not cursed with a big mouth like mine. You don't say much and everything you say is pretty direct and there isn't much you can misunderstand or misinterpret. So the less you say, the better off you'll be."

Reflecting upon the blonde's words, Gaara then asked, "You say it's better to say less; however, I always find Temari wanting to talk with Shikamaru. She is also not the only female I have come across where they seek out more conversations with their significant other. So how come talking less is better?"

"The reason why girls always want to talk is because they need reassurance. They need reassurance that the relationship is going good. They need reassurance that they are still attractive. They also need reassurance that there is still meaning and a future in their relationship. That's why they always wanna talk. But the problem is because they need reassurance, they have a negative outlook when they have a need to talk. So when the guy talks, the girl will rearrange all of the guy's word and interpret said words into a meaning that guys totally didn't mean to express. Next, a fight will break out cuz the girl thinks the guy said something mean, while the guy is confused on what just happened."

His brain fried from an overload of information, Gaara looked helpless and lost. "So when a girl wants to talk, it's very bad to talk." Naruto nodded his head. "And the girl wants to talk to feel reassured, but no matter what the guy says, the girl will feel anger once the guy speaks." Naruto nodded his head again. 'So why does the girl even bother talking?' "I feel...confused."

With a bright smile, Naruto said, "That's great! You are now on par with every guy out there in a relationship. So any last comments or questions before you sell your soul…..errr…..commit to a female?"


Not expecting him to say anything, Naruto quirked his head and asked, "Oh really, and what's that?"

In his usual, monotone voice, Gaara dryly remarked. "Fuck."


Naruto hid behind a bush with Ino and watched as Gaara made his way to Anko.

"Hey Naruto, are you sure Gaara can win Anko over with all that garbage you told him?"

"HEY, my words of advice were NOT garbage. It was researched material and has an eighty percent chance of succeeding."

"So? What about the other twenty percent? What if Gaara fails, which I still think he will with your crappy advice, and what if he goes on a murderous rampage in a heartbroken state?"

"Then we just run like hell and blame it on Anko for being heartless. Shh….he approached her. Let's watch what happens."

As Gaara approached Anko, he remembered Naruto's words and started a conversation to create an easy atmosphere. "Konbanwa Mitarashi Anko. How are you this evening?" As he spoke, he also remembered that Naruto said to keep his posture from being too stiff or rigid and did his best to maintain a loose but confident stance. And since all of his stances look alike and the fact he is most confident when brutally killing someone, his stance was rigid as the rod that's stuck up all Hyuuga's assess.

A surprised Anko slightly jumped when she came face to face with Gaara. Not really understanding why the Kazekage was crossing paths with her and also being completely startled on the fact that Gaara appeared to be ready to attack her, Anko merely returned the greeting. "Good evening Kazekage-sama. Is there something I can do to help you tonight?"

Remembering the tactic that Naruto taught him, Gaara went on to begin with small talk. "I enjoy dango."

"I see."





Naruto slapped his forehead at the horrible performance Gaara was giving. 'What the hell is he doing? Small talk doesn't include long points of uncomfortable silence.' Ever ready for action, the only living Uzumaki prepared to step out and help his friend in need. Ino, who saw her boyfriend about to stand up and most likely make fool of himself and Gaara, stopped him. "Don't you dare move from this spot." Noticing the icy glare that Ino directed at him, Naruto knew that while he would normally never abandon a friend, he couldn't help but feel that maybe, just maybe, Gaara didn't need his help. Reassessing the dire situation, Naruto decided that, no, Gaara didn't need his help yet. And Ino's evil…..err…..icy stare didn't influence Naruto's decision at all. No sir.

Anko was starting to feel quite uncomfortable in the presence of Gaara, and was startled when Gaara abruptly interrupted the silence. "I have heard that you also take pleasure in dango. Is this true?"

"Yeah, I guess you can say that."

Gaara was becoming desperate. Of course he didn't show it, but he really was beginning to get desperate. Moving on with the battle tactics, he got ready for the next step: Move closer in an inconspicuous way and start communicating with the eyes. Since the only way Gaara knew how to move inconspicuously was to teleport, he teleported in front of Anko. He then started to gaze lovingly into Anko's eyes. Realize that all of Gaara's gazes, stares, or glares relatively looked the same. Meaning that he was gazing at her with his, 'I-am-about-to-squish-you-to-oblivion-and-take-great-joy-in-doing-so' gaze.

Anko, at this point, was extremely nervous. Mitarashi Anko isn't supposed to get nervous, but here she was, nervous enough to piss her panties, if she even wears panties. Which would be really hot if she didn't wear any panties at all. But back to the point, Anko was no push-over ninja. However, Gaara is the fucking Kazekage. She had no disillusions at all that the Kazekage was powerful enough to kill Anko. But nervous is okay in the shinobi world. Nervous just means you're anticipating danger and doesn't mean you are in danger. Scared, on the other hand, means you have just encountered something dangerous and it means that you are in a situation where all things point to bad. Scared is very bad in the shinobi world. And scared is what the purple haired Mitarashi became when Gaara teleported from five feet away to just a foot away from her. Tense and slowly backing away from the Kazekage, Anko began to sweat as Gaara continued to keep the distance between the both of them at a constant foot difference by walking with her at her slow but frantic pace. When Anko's back hit a wall, her eyes widened in fear knowing that there was no more escape. Gulping a very large lump in her throat, she mustered up all the courage she had and faced anything that could come her way….and all her courage died when she made eye contact. The Kazekage was staring at her like he was imagining every way possible to drench her blood over the streets. She quickly grabbed a kunai and stumbled out a warning. "I m-might not stand m-much of a chance against you. But it doesn't mean I won't go down without a fight."

Confused, Gaara decided to interpret her words as, 'I will not easily give myself to you.' Therefore, he decided to use the spontaneous act that Naruto earlier demonstrated, since girls seemed to 'love that shit.' After an unseen signal, Gaara moved over to Anko quickly to sweep her into his arms and kiss her, hoping to also cop a feel at her honkers while making out. But alas, this is not what happened. Anko believed Gaara made the first move, and once that move was made, she quickly used kawamiri with some inanimate object and threw her kunai at Gaara to distract him. The sand of course stopped the attack, but the kunai did its purpose by distracting the sand user. She used the distraction to quickly teleport away in a swirl of leaves which was the customary teleportation technique used in Konoha.

Naruto and Ino looked on in shock at what happened. No comments seemed appropriate at the moment, but Ino decided that breaking the silence would be prudent. "I thought you said that Gaara liked Anko."

"Yeah, I thought so too." Moving his attention from the spot where Anko disappeared to Gaara, Naruto noticed his expression. "Actually, I don't think he attacked Anko. I think he really does like her. He looks kinda, I don't know, dejected?"

"Are you sure he's just not depressed cuz Anko got away before he could kill her?"

"I'm pretty sure that if he wanted her dead or hurt, he would be capable of doing so. And he definitely wouldn't just stand there and let his prey get away." Frowning at the look of rejection on his friend's face, Naruto decided on a course of damage control. "Ino, go chase after Anko and make sure she doesn't make a state of alarm or something. Calm her down and try to keep her in one place. I'll talk with Gaara again, and let's try to clear up the misunderstanding between the both of them." Ino nodded her head and went in search of Anko.

After Ino disappeared, Naruto walked up to dejected Sand leader a placed a hand on the redhead's shoulder. "Hey buddy, doing alright?" It was a stupid question to ask; of course Gaara didn't feel alright, but it was all Naruto could think to ask. And as Gaara lifted his eyes to meet Naruto's, it was clear to Naruto that things were far from okay. "C'mon, there's a place where I always go whenever I'm down. I'll take you there and then we can discuss our plan of attack, part two, on capturing Mitarashi Anko's heart." Giving his brightest, most reassuring smile he had, Naruto's hopes lifted when Gaara nodded his head and followed Naruto towards the Hokage Monument.

Elsewhere, a huffing and puffing Yamanaka Ino caught up with the snake using special jounin. "Anko-san, wait up!"

Hearing her name, Anko turned around and noticed the blonde kunoichi. "Who the hell are you?" Shaking her head, she didn't bother to wait for Ino's answer. "Never mind, it doesn't matter. I have to hurry up and report to the Hokage that we are under attack from the Sand Village."

"No, wait, that's what I wanted to talk about."


"Gaara wasn't attacking you?"

Anko looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I was there when you were talking with Gaara. You completely misunderstood the situation and Gaara wasn't attacking you."

Anko narrowed her eyes and quietly asked, "Were you spying on me?"

Taking a step back from the piercing glare she was receiving, Ino stammered out, "Uh….I wasn't really spying, per se."

Not letting up on her intense stare, Anko continued, "I recognize you now. You're that girl Yamanaka, Ibiki's bitch."

"I am NOT Ibiki sensei's bitch. I'm his APPRENTICE." Ino retorted.

"Feh, he has tons of apprentices. They never last. Seeing how you're still articulating your words without stumbling, you seem to still have your sanity. You probably haven't been his apprentice for more than a few weeks then."

This time, it was Ino who steeled a determined glance. "I've been his student for over a year."

She didn't outwardly show her surprise with that statement, but Anko did a double-take and reassessed the girl in front of her. Looking Ino up and down, Anko said, "For such a hardass that he always claimed to be, he never could say no to a pretty face. You probably got him wrapped around your little finger, huh?"

Angered by Anko's comment, Ino replied, "Trust me, I'm more than just a pretty face."

Slightly frowning that Ino didn't seem to be backing down at all, Anko shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever, Ibiki always liked em feisty. Probably the reason why he enjoys having me around. But then again, every guy enjoys having me around." Anko winked at Ino. "So how come he got you spying on me?"

Ino crossed her arms and said, "Like I said earlier, he didn't have me spy on you. And I wasn't spying at all. I was helping Gaara."

Anko pulled out a kunai and asked, "Oh really? And just what exactly were you helping him with?"

Eyeing the deadly kunai and then eyeing the even more deadly kunoichi, Ino chose her words carefully. "I was helping him with the issue of relationships. He was trying to capture your attention using my idiot boyfriend's advice on woman, but as you can personally see, his advice failed to do the job."

"Your boyfriend's advice was to attack me?"

"No, " Ino drawled out, "it's just that Gaara couldn't quite duplicate what Naruto wanted him to do."

Anko took a moment to digest all the information. Then she realized something. "Your boyfriend is that pipsqueak blonde who shouts at least a hundred times a day that he's gonna be Hokage?"

Red creeping up on her face, Ino shyly remarked, "Yeah, that's my idiot boyfriend."

Anko whistled and a newfound respect for the Yamanaka crept out. "Damn girl, not only are you Ibiki's apprentice, but you're that kid's girlfriend. I could understand how survived Ibiki, I'm pretty sure someone eventually would, but to survive that kid? You must be something else."

"HEY! Naruto-kun is a sweet guy and is really good to me!"

"C'mon kid, drop the defensive girl act and get real with me. I don't need to be hearing that bimbo shit from you."

"Okay, and you're right. I must have a screw loose somewhere for me to be normal even after dating that idiot buffoon. Must be all the head jumping I do." Ino shrugs her shoulders and continues. "And one of these days, I swear, that color he wears all the time is gonna make me go blind." Both females shuddered at the thought of the horrible color. "But all joking aside, I love him and he is more than I deserve. And I don't care if I lose brain cells while enduring his idiocy or lose my sight with orange in my eyes all the time. It's all worth it if he continues to say I'm his and he's mine." Ino ended her proclamation by putting both hands on her hips and challenging Anko to say something otherwise with her actions.

Putting up both her hands up in hopes to placate the blonde, Anko said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy now, I didn't say the brat wasn't special. No need to go girlfriend of the year on my ass. Geez, make one little joke about their man, and girls go psycho on me. And people say I'm crazy." Bringing a fist in front of her mouth, Anko coughed and cleared her throat. "So you say that the Kazekage is crushing on me, eh?"

"Yeah, about that. This is the first time Gaara has felt this way bout a girl and he's having a little trouble with pursuing someone." 'Pursuing someone without the goal of killing them.' "And that's why things were," Ino tried to find the right words, "a little awkward." Ino had the decency to look sheepish and continued speaking. "So, I'm here trying to clear up this misunderstanding and try to convince you to come back and have a conversation with the Wind Lord."

Anko took a moment to think about the situation. It isn't everyday you have the most powerful person of a country, strength wise and political position wise, come out and declare an interest in you. After a moment, Anko asked, "You do realize that I am much older than him?"

"I know that and the Kazekage acknowledged the fact that he was aware of the age gap."

Anko then slowly asked, "Does he realize that I'm a blood-thirsty maniac with an unhealthy obsession for violence?"

Ino blinked at the question and had no other clue on how to assess that question. Instead, she opted for Gaara's answer. "I believe his exact words were, 'I don't know how well you know me and my past, but I do not feel uncomfortable about bloodshed and violence is my only outlet for stress release.' He also stated that you're probably much more mentally stable than he will ever hope to be."

A big, Mitarashi Anko patented grin broke out. "Well, well, sounds like my kind of guy." Now happy with the bizarre situation and the potential of having the Kazekage as a boyfriend, Anko finished off her interrogation by asking, "So did the sand squirt give any reasons on why he fell head over heels for me?"

"Said something bout liking your personality."

Anko frowned at that. "That it? No guy really hits on me cuz of my personality. Did he give any other reasons?"

Ino mumbled out a response. Not understanding what Ino said, Anko asked her to speak up. "He also said you have big breasts."

After that statement was said, a humongous smile broke out on Anko's face. "Now THAT'S more like it. BWA-HAHAHA!" Grabbing her orbs with a hand each, she proclaimed, "These baby gets them every time. HAH, I knew that these assets of mine would hit the jackpot one of these days." Anko then kissed each one of her fleshy globes (drool). "Don't worry girls, mama is gonna compensate you girls and buy a dango shop once we get that hunk of a Kazekage as our personal sex slave. Damn I'm sexy! MUHAHAHA!" After she was done kissing her boobs and squeezing them….and caressing them….and playing with her nipples….and sliding her hands over her luscious, luscious hips….and sticking a finger in her………(sorry people, kinda got sidetracked with the mental image…back to the story….I think I just ejaculated). "Okay kid, take me to my future man."

Saying Ino was appalled would probably be a correct statement right about now. Key word is "would." No, she wasn't appalled, she was too busy being in shock. It wouldn't matter how much Tsunade, Kurenai, Sakura, or Tenten tried to improve on the image of a kunoichi. It just got all undone by the random outburst of one named Mitarashi Anko. Disgusted with all the men passed out around her and sympathizing with all the angry woman glaring at Anko, Ino addressed Anko. "Follow me, I'll take you to the Kazekage."


"Look, maybe I should have given you the theory of getting a girl instead of providing an example."

Gaara looked on in surprise. "There is a theory on how to pick up women?"

"Yeah, Ero-Sennin wrote a book called Icha Icha: Picking up Women. It's actually a pretty good book with good advice."

"I was not aware such a book exists."

"Yeah, for some reason, Ero-Sennin hasn't released it out to the public yet. So you're getting a sneak peak at it." Naruto wiped the grin from his face and coughed, getting into serious mode. "Now there is a lot of situational circumstances on picking up women. Such circumstances could be trying pick up a co-worker, picking up a younger sister figure, or picking up the older sister figure. However, the most popular and common one is the situation you're in Gaara. How to pick up a woman you've never met. There's sub-situations to this also, and unfortunately for you, you land in the harder sub-situation. The thing is, you don't have a lot of time, which means you have to enact the triple A tactic, or simply TAT. The TAT is basically: Appear, Admit, and Adhere. You with me so far?"


"Okay, good. Now, the first phase of creating a relationship is called Appear. Basically, in order to capture a girl's attention, they gotta first know you exist. And by knowing you exist, you have to make a huge, I repeat, HUGE first impression. You don't want her to pass you off as another guy or some random guy. No, you have to be a distinct and unique impression upon her mind. And with the stunt you pulled earlier, trust me on this, you have her attention." Naruto coughed lightly and winced once he saw the downtrodden look that graced Gaara's face. Berating himself for reminding Gaara about his failures, Naruto quickly continued. "Look Gaara, it wasn't that bad. The situation can still be salvaged as long as you can keep your head up and not give up. You're not giving up on me, are you?"

"No, I am not giving up."

"Good, that's the spirit. Now the second part is the hardest, and this is the part where you kinda failed at. Admit means you need to find a subtle way to announce to her that you like her. Now before you say anything, I know that subtle isn't your forte and that you would rather just come out and say it. THAT is the last thing you want to do. Just saying it outright to a girl is kind of a turn-off. They don't like it easy. I don't know why they don't like it easy, but they don't. Don't give me that look Gaara. I don't understand women. Men aren't supposed to understand women. We just know that for some reason, women like to play the whole mixed signals game. I know this is tough, I had the same problems too."

Gaara interrupted Naruto. "You had problems with this too?"

"Yeah, I screwed up this part too. When I got with Ino, I blurted out that I liked her instead of trying to leave obvious hints that I liked her. Heh, she flat out rejected me. Wasn't such a hot feeling."

"What did you do to rectify the situation?"

"There wasn't anything I could do. I already declared my feelings for her. But even though I did that, I still obtained the goal of Admit, just not in a favorable way. It made the third part harder."

"So that means the third part will also be a difficult path for me."

Naruto shook his head. "No, actually, you haven't screwed up completely yet. You still have a chance of attaining the objective of this part in a favorable light." Naruto looked at the questioning glance on Gaara's face and continued. "She still doesn't know that you like her. That means you still have a chance to make her realize your feelings for her. We'll work on that part after I finish up TAT. The last part is Adhere. Definition of adhere is: stay attached, stick fast, be attached as a follower or upholder, and to hold closely or firmly. There's more definitions than just that, but those are the important ones. Now that you have admitted your feelings, now the ball is in her court. Your fate now lies in the hands of a female. She will do things to tear your confidence apart, question your devotion, and test your faith. You will ADHERE and stay close to her, so that she constantly knows you exist and you still like her. You will ADHERE and stick fast to your commitment in pursuing her. You will ADHERE and follow her to the ends of the earth if need be. And only after you have proven yourself to her, will she choose and accept you."

Gaara looked on solemnly at Naruto after absorbing all the knowledge Naruto imparted. "Is this the same path you followed?"

Naruto shrugged his shoulders. "More or less."

Gaara then asked a question that was bothering him for some time. "If these theories were written by your sensei, and these theories worked for you and Yamanaka Ino, how come you failed with Haruno Sakura?"

Naruto grumbled. "Ero-Sennin never wrote anything on close friends. Said something bout it being hopeless at that point."

"I see."

"Anyways, let's head back and get you back to the part two of TAT. When we go back, remember, the key to achieving the goal of part two is to successfully flirt with her. Understand?"

Feeling apprehensive about the advice, Gaara stated his concerns. "I do not know how to successfully flirt with a girl."

"Don't worry, no man knows how to do it. You're just gonna need to get lucky. Any last comments or questions before we head back?"


"Oh? What is it?"

In his usual, monotone voice, Gaara dryly remarked. "Fuck."


As the Gaara and Naruto approached Anko and Ino, Ino decided to say a few things. "Okay, Anko-san, try not freak out like last time and please give him….a chance?" Ino didn't get a chance to finish talking to Anko, since after she noticed Gaara coming, she gave a feral smirk and quickly disappeared only to reappear before Gaara and glomp on the Kazekage.

"Oh Kazekage-sama, I am so sorry for they way I acted earlier. It's just that I was so nervous talking to someone as powerful and handsome like yourself. Can you ever forgive me?" At some point of her life, Anko obviously perfected the airheaded bimbo act. For what reasons, it's probably better not to know.

Naruto looked on in shock as he saw arguably the deadliest kunoichi of Konoha make circular patterns on Gaara's chest with her finger and talking at an abnormally high pitch of voice and draping her curvaceous body on the lean red-head's body. Not comprehending how the person in front of him could be same person from earlier, Naruto noticed Gaara give a questioning glance to Naruto. But before any comments that could made, Anko quickly continued with her not-so-Anko act.

Dropping her voice from cute girl pitch to seductress pitch, Anko said, "Hhhmmm…..how about we leave these kids and go play adult with each other, Kazekage-sama." Anko purred in Gaara's ear and lightly squeezed his ass.

Naruto, who was still confused, took offense to the 'kids' remark and yelled out. "I am NOT a kid." Crossing his arms in front of him, Naruto gave his I-hate-authority stare at Anko.

Draping herself all over Gaara, she continued to demean Naruto. "Shoo now, go play kiddy games with that blonde girlfriend of yours. You won't be able to handle playing adult with me."

"I AIN'T A KID! I can handle you by myself just fine."

"Ooh….big words from a big mouth. I doubt you, a little genin fledgling could take me on, unlike the manly Kazekage I have here in my arms."

"Whatever you crazy purple-haired psycho. I can take you on anywhere, anytime. I'll have you screaming in ten minutes top!" Naruto got into a fighting position, ready to prove his worth as a ninja, while Ino slapped her face in embarrassment.

"Naruto, you ass, let's go." Ino grabbed Naruto by the back of his jacked and started to drag him away.

"Ino, c'mon, stop, I gotta prove to her that I'm a man. It won't take long. I'll even do it right here for everyone to see."

Anko merely grinned and licked her lips. "Ooh….kinky. Maybe you should let him go and try to prove himself. It'll be entertaining at the least."

Ino ignored everyone and continued to drag a protesting Naruto away.

Anko turned to the red-head in her arms. "You hear that, kid says he'll have me screaming in ten minutes top."

Gaara smirked and thanked Kankuro for the limited edition Icha Icha Seduction he received for his birthday. "I'll have you screaming in five."

'Powerful, rich, and possibly good in bed……this is too good to be true.' "So, you got a place here in town, or should we head to my place?"


"C'mon Ino-chan, I didn't know she was referring to that." Naruto and Ino were currently at Ino's apartment and Naruto was on his knees begging while Ino had her back turned to him. After clarifying what Anko was really talking about, Naruto stuttered like an idiot while Ino played the universal 'I'm a pissed off woman right now' card. "I said I'm sorry Ino. Please look at me."

"Why should I? I'm obviously not the only girl you look at. Why should I forgive you when you were flirting with Anko right in front of me?" Of course she wasn't serious with her accusations, but Naruto didn't need to know that.

"Aw geez Ino, you should know that you're the only one I want to look at or be with. I love you and no one else!"

Ino opened one eye and looked at Naruto. "Really?"

"Yes really!"

"Okay then," Ino turned and faced Naruto, "to whom and only whom do you belong to?"

"I belong to you and only you."

"Who's mine and mine only?"

"Uzumaki Naruto is yours and yours only."

"To who do you dedicate your life as her slave."

"I dedicate my life as your slave, Yamanaka Ino-sama"

"Who's my slave bitch?"

"Uzumaki Naruto."

Ino grinned. "Okay then, slave, come and kiss me and pleasure your master."

Naruto returned the grin and said, "Hai, goshoujin-sama."

After locking lips, only one thought was made coherent. 'I could get used to this whole master/slave relationship.'

Author's Note: Ok…..been gone for awhile. I was just trying to keep myself updated on current Naruto stuff. Lots happened…..Asuma died and Orochimaru died…..shit…..I had to redo part of the plot cuz of that. I'm trying to keep this story close to original story line as possible. I also noticed that most of the real good stories have omake in there somewhere. Aight, I'll give you guys a short one here. Enjoy.


Ino and Tsunade were walking along the paths within the Konoha forest. All of a sudden they came upon some tracks. Ino freaked out and shouted, "Oh my God, those are bear tracks. We better be careful so that we don't run into any bears."

Tsunade, being the great Sannin she is, did her best to calm the frantic Yamanaka. "Calm down Ino, there's nothing to worry bout. Those are only deer tracks and we have nothing to worry bout."

"Really? Wow, you're so brave and smart Tsunade-sama. I'm glad I'm out here with you and no one else." Ino had her hands clasped together as she practically worshipped the Hokage with her eyes.

Thirty seconds later, the two blondes were hit by train.

Author's Note Part Two: I would like to once again reiterate that I do not have a negative view on blondes. HOWEVER, I guess I do attack blondes quite frequently. But on my defense, it's only a sub-group that I attack. I only attack the really really really hot female bimbo and gullible blondes. If you fall under this category, you have more than the right to chew me out. So, if you fall under this category, please send me your name and phone number, hell your address as well, through my email with also a picture of yourself in a minimal to none amount of clothes (preferably nude, not naked…..I am a professional). I will endeavor to give you the apologetic sex that you so deserve from me as soon as I possibly can. Peaceout.