Summary: The list of its uses grows ever longer. Todd wakes up to a distinctly unsexy surprise. Todd/Kurt slash. Sort of a follow up to 'Over the Edge'. Sort of.

Warnings: Mentions of a bed. (LYK OMG!one!1)

Rating: PG-13, for post-coital... in-bed-ness.

Additional Pairings: Zippo (like the lighter!).

Author's Note: Inspired in part by bonnieslasher's Nair pic site and in part by my own armpit hair (it is my muse). Yet another pure-dialogue fic. I never get tired of making no sense.

Disclaimer: Todd and Kurt are both property of Marvel, WB, and some other folks prolly. I just own this pathetic fic. Um, wanna trade?

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Rubber Cement

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"Gyehhh... time is it?"

"Around ten."

"Still early, then."

"Get up, you lazy ass."

"That ain't very nice, Kurt. I want you to say 'please'."

"Oh, honestly..."

"Well, I guess I'm just stayin' here, then, yo. Damn, but this is a nice bed. I could just--mmm--lay here forev--OUCH! MOTHERF--!"

"Heh heh heh heh heh..."

"Kurt! What the hell--?"

"...heh heh heh..."

"Did you braid my armpit hair, you bastard?"

"...heh heh heh MAYBE heh heh heh..."

"Take it--OUCH--out right now!"

"...heh heh heh heh can't heh heh..."

"Whaddya mean, you can't?"

"Hee hee... it's sort of stuck together with--heh heh--rubber cement..."

"...You... BASTARD."

"...heh heh heh... ja, genau(1)..."

"I'm gonna get you for this if it's the last thing I do, fuzzy."

"Maybe, but in the meantime..."

--bamf--

"...have a shave."

"Bastard."

"But a sexy one."

"The elf speaks truth. Now gimme the goddamn razor, Kurt."

"Say 'please'..."

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1. Basically equivalent in this situation to 'yeah, no duh'.