"Hello? Chloe? Is everything okay? Do you have any idea what time it is? It's 2 in the morning. My mom is home from Topeka…I hope the phone didn't wake her…"

"C'mon, Clark, ish jus' me… Is your mom there? HI, MRS. KENT! Oh, right, she's sleeping..sssshhhh HEEE!"

"Are you drunk? Chloe? Where are you? Is that music I hear? Where are you?"

"NO……hee, well, Lois and I did go dancing and maybe we did have one too many margaritas….hee. But I'm completely fine, I really….ooops! Hey, watch where yer goin', honey! My best friend is an alien you know..…"

"Where are you? I'll come get you. The music is so loud…"

"Oooh, Clark Kent to the rescue…..dun da dun! Ya know, Clark, I was callin'…

I was callin' because you know, you know what Lois said?"

"I can't imagine…I'm getting dressed so I can come get you."

"Lois said….and I think she's full of it, Clark…Lois said, you and Lex….hee, YOU KNOW….are gay, and for each other…."

"Hang on a second, just putting on a shirt. What? Lois thinks that Lex and I are gay? That's crazy…"

"That's what I said. But then, she started reminding me of stuff….like how she pranced around in star spangled bikini and you acted like she had cooties, like how I've been THROWING myself at you for years, and then, no sex with Lana. All your life you obsess about her and then, one time, and that's it…it's okay to tell me, Clark…I'm your best friend…there's nothing wrong with it if you are…"

"Chloe, are you seriously asking me if I'm gay? Where the hell is my other boot?"

"HEEE! YOU ARE! Ooohh. But, you know, Clark, you are an alien, maybe that's totally normal for your kind…"

"Chloe, you're drunk. I'm not gay. Oh, there's my boot…ugh, Shelby, geez, aren't you old for chewing on shoes? Chloe, I promise, I'm not gay. "

"You're not? Okay, then, big boy….Prove it. Lois and I are at that new club on Williams Street..zip your alien booty over here and show me."

"Show you? What are you asking me, Chloe?"

"Tell me what you'd do to me, Clark…if you weren't gay, I mean…..hee hee…"

"What I'd do…Chloe, this is crazy…I'll be right there, okay? Wait right there, you and Lois, and I'll get you both back to the dorm for the night."

"ME AND LOIS? OOH, you aren't gay, are you? Want BOTH of us, Clark? How naughty….hee..hee…"

"No, Chloe…I just want to make sure you and Lois are safe. That's all. If you want to talk about this more, we can when you're sober."

"I want you, Clark. Jimmy just isn't quite enough man for me, you know?"

"Chloe…"

"Now. Gay or not, I don't care. Zip on down here and pick me up…I'm not wearing any panties, it's pretty much open season right here…I'm wearing leather too, Lois gave me this sweet little dress...can't wear a bra either….the dress is sooo tight…."

"Chloe, you have no idea,..…"

C'mon, Clark….aren't you even a little excited at the thought of me being all commando under this dress?"

"Chloe, oh crap, I just set something on fire! Hold on…Chloe….You're killing me…."

"All wet and sweaty from dancing, and there was some serious girls gone wild crap going on here….I'm really hot, Clark, I'm open for just about anything….and I want you…."

"I'llbethereinfiveseconds." CLICK

"OH MY GOD! LOIS!"

"So? Did it work? He fell for it?"

"Lois, I swear, that was probably the best idea you ever had. Clark's on his way. I don't know how to thank you…You'd better go get me a drink...he'll know if I haven't been drinking at all."

"No prob, cuz. Here, finish mine. Now go in the bathroom and strip off your panties before Clark gets here…I'll be back with a triple margarita."