Disclaimer: I unfortunately don't own Justice League or anything by D.C. (Wish I did though…)
Fatherhood in the Justice League
Oliver Queen pondered the unfair realities of life. As the Question would say, surely there must be some conspiracy behind it all today…
"Green Arrow, please report to the Watchtower immediately."
Oliver Queen pondered the possibility of tossing Mr. Terrific out of an airlock after conveniently wrapping him in chains and gluing his feet into a block of cement. Why?
1. Dinah was on a League mission.
2. Which meant that Ollie was currently taking care of their eleven month old daughter.
3. Which also meant that Ollie had gotten ZERO sleep.
4. Which also meant that Ollie was starting to see why the Question thought that Sesame Street was really a mind controlling ploy of Neo-Nazis to create a new breed of Hitler's Youth.
5. And also quite conveniently, the Green Arrow could not possibly find a babysitter on such short notice.
Solution: Screw Mr. Terrific and his anti-fatherhood dictorial policies against bringing your children to work.
"You want to go to work with Daddy and help him kill Mr. Terrific?" Ollie asked sweetly. The curly blonde haired baby smiled sweetly up at her father, as if to say 'Yes, let's go kill him now!'
"Good girl," Ollie crooned. "No one messes with Daddy's Girl."
Emily Queen smiled sweetly, which Oliver Queen took as further approval of his plot to murder Mr. Terrific.
The Green Arrow ignored the snickers as he walked down the corridors of the Watchtower, armed with his bow and quiver, a blue baby bag (because no way would Dinah condone pink), a green teddy bear, a portable crib, and a cheerful blonde baby girl.
Sometimes it was necessary for new fathers to suck up their pride.
Not that the Green Arrow objected to shoving the object of his affections at other Leaguers and demanding that they acknowledge her superior cuteness.
Just like he had just done moments ago to Shining Knight and Vigilante.
They had done an admirable job of complementing her before slipping around the green clad, diaper bag toting archer and racing fearfully towards the exit.
"Time to kill Mr. Terrific now Princess," Ollie cooed as he stepped into the Watchtower's main control room. The Green Arrow froze as he registered another sight.
1. Mr. Terrific was no where in sight.
2. However Vic Sage, AKA the Question, was busily typing away at one of the computers.
3. A small, red haired baby girl several months older than his own was busily slobbering on the blue fabric of the Question's trench coat.
"I see that you could not find a babysitter as well," the Question said calmly. He continued to type at the console as his daughter now stared curiously at the new blonde haired intruder. Emily Queen stared back at the other little girl.
"Where's the bastard at?" Ollie questioned, setting up Emily's crib next to a curious Elizabeth Sage.
"I assume that you are referring to Mr. Terrific?" Vic Sage asked. He paused in his work long enough to pry his trench coat away from his daughter and place a stuffed toy monkey in her chubby arms.
"Who else?" Ollie asked dryly. "What's he need us for anyway?"
"Well, in answer to your first question, I believe he is currently yelling at Booster Gold and Blue Beetle."
"What about the second question…" Ollie started as the doors swished open to admit another Leaguer. As if on cue, both the Question and Green Arrow's eyes riveted on the dark skinned Green Lantern and his precious cargo:
1. A Flash diaper bag (Wally's idea of a joke.)
2. A baby carrier
3. A nine month old Rex Stewart.
"Terrific must die!" Ollie shouted.
"Where's Shayera?" Vic questioned calmly. John Stewart looked at the two Leaguers and their children and then down at his son. His eyes drifted back to the other four.
"What the hell does Terrific want?" John asked crossly. This was really bad timing for him.
"I was starting to ask Vic that," Ollie said.
"I don't know," the Question answered. "He called when I was…"
"Pony!" Elizabeth Sage shouted, pointing her finger accusingly at Emily Queen.
"She is not a 'pony'," Vic corrected. "Emily is a little girl, just like you."
"Pony!" the little red haired girl repeated adamantly.
"Pony?" John asked.
"That's her favorite word of the week," the Question answered tiredly. "She's calling everything a pony. Helena made the mistake of letting her watch Blue's Clues."
As if on cue, Oliver Queen started to hum the theme song to Blue's Clues, receiving a glare from both men.
"What?" he asked innocently. "It's better than Sesame Street."
"So you finally agree with me?" Vic asked.
"Of course," Green Arrow answered. "I now see the errors of my ways. Sesame Street really is a tool for recruiting a new Hitler's Youth."
John Stewart stared at them.
"I don't want to know," the Green Lantern finally said. John set Rex down on the floor next to the girls. The half-Thanagarian boy studied the two girls suspiciously.
"They won't kill you Rex," John said.
"They might," Ollie quipped. The three fathers watched as Rex's baby fingers slowly inched towards Elizabeth Sage's toy monkey.
"No!" the little girl shouted. She picked up another toy and threw it at the little boy, bouncing it off his head.
"Vic!" John shouted. He scooped up his crying son and tried to calm him down. Elizabeth Sage stuck her tongue out at the would be thief.
"What?" Vic asked innocently. "She has a right to defend her toys."
"Is it his fault if your son gets beat up by a girl?" Ollie asked. "Not that there's anything wrong with getting beat up by a girl," he quickly added, lest a female leaguer took what he said the wrong way.
Rex Stewart finally stopped crying, so John set him back on the floor…
…Only to get bonked in the head by a flying doll from Emily Queen, who had taken a sudden interest in the new game.
Another crying session ensued.
"Ollie!" John threatened. Oliver Queen held up his hands in defense. John Stewart turned his glare back to Vic Sage.
"What?" the Question asked. "Can I help it if my daughter is a trend setter?"
"What's going on in here?" A new voice asked. All eyes, well…three pairs of adult eyes, turned to look at the tall, beautiful Amazon.
"John's getting mad because our girls keep beating up his son," Green Arrow said proudly. Diana's eyes lit up in a smile as she surveyed the two little girls.
"Good for them," Diana cooed.
"Don't take their side!" John yelled, holding his son protectively. Rex glared down at the two little girls, who were now the very image of angels.
"Why are all of you here?" Diana questioned seriously. "This isn't a place for children."
"We couldn't get a babysitter," Came the collective answer.
"I came to murder Terrific," Ollie also added helpfully. Diana raised an eyebrow.
"Mr. Terrific's not on duty today," Diana answered. The three men stared at her.
"I'm telling the truth," Diana said.
"What?" the Amazon asked.
"Who the hell called us?" John asked angrily. As if on cue, a red figure zipped into the room, froze, and then zipped back out in a flash.
"YOU'RE DEAD WALLY!" John threatened. Diana hid a smirk as the speedster's prank began to become apparent.
"Hmm…" Vic muttered, suddenly typing away at his computer. "The fears of Wallace Rudolph West: clowns, scary women, Batman…."
"WALLY!" Oliver shouted. "WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN, I HOPE THEY'RE EXACTLY LIKE YOU. IN FACT, I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE TWINS!"
Three years later, Wallace Rudolph West found himself cursing Oliver Queen.
Author's note: Just a fun little one-shot. I'll get back to my other stories soon.