Disclaimer: (Sees Amy Sherman-Palladino stalking up with a team of lawyers) Amy! Please, please, PLEASE take him back! I never meant to steal him, he showed up uninvited and just wouldn't leave!

AN: Thank/Blame my roommate for introducing me to Gilmore Girls. When Michel showed up in my head and started chattering, I just couldn't not write down his opinions.

Ze People


"Ze people, in ze box, they are saying tings, and it is not good," Michel complained.

"What kinds of things?" Lorelai teased, "Are we talking 'I spilled coffee on my brand-new shoes' bad, or just 'my life sucks' kind of bad?"

In answer Michel stepped back and pointed at the screen. "Zose kinds of tings," he clarified.

Focusing on the screen, Lorelai's eyes skimmed the page. It seemed to be a rather melodramatic account of a day at the Butterfly Inn. Shrugging she turned to her agitated manager. "Doesn't seem too bad to me. Wait." Out of the corner of her eye she caught the author's name. "GilmoreGirl5? There's more of us? When did we let others into the club? Oh my God, do they even know the commandments?"

"You are missing ze point," Michel whined.

"I think I've got the point loud and clear. There are invaders who have taken the sacred name of Gilmore Girl. Where are they?"

"Zis is my life, and they are writing about it," Michel stuck at it.

"And as far as I can tell, they are doing a great job of it, your mini-me sounds just like you."

"Zey did so wizout my permission."

"What, do I need permission to do my Michel impression now? Terribly sorry, Mr. Gerard, please don't sue me," Lorelai begged, cringing in a comical manner.

"My character is being attacked by little girls with keyboards, and you are too buzy laughing at me to care," Michel summarized for the benefit of the non-existent audience.

"Well, you have to admit, Michel it's pretty funny," Lorelai chuckled. "I mean only you could get so worked up about something on the internet."

"You have obviously not seen ze stories about Rory and her pack of lovers."

"Whoa, my daughter's love life is on the 'net? Let me at it!" Lorelai pushed Michel away from the terminal and began searching the archive.

"Yours as well," Michel commented. "You see now why I am so concerned about the tings being said."

Letting out a low whistle, Lorelai stepped back from the computer and shook her head. "I completely understand, Michel. I had no idea that you and Miss Patty have been secret lovers for years."

An indignant Frenchman stormed through the kitchen, nearly knocking the head chef off her high stool. With practiced ease the Columbian busboy steadied Suki and caught the expensive jar of cooking wine before it could splash onto the open flame on the stove.

"Hey, Michel, where are you going?" Suki called, confused.

"I am going to restore my honor because, apparently, I am ze only one who takes me seriously, anymore."

There ya go people, my first, last, and only Gilmore Girls fic. Please sign the guest ledger on the way out the door.