09/21/06

Ways to tick off Hiko

1. Take away his sake. In order to does this give yourself a good running start. Do not stop. Do not turn around. Try not to think of him right behind you with a drawn sword.

2. Teach your children to call him Grandpa. Do as stated above.

3. Call him old. Repeat step 1.

4. Take away his cloak and hide it. Keep running. Hope a bear catches you first.

5. Make fun of his pottery. Learn how to duck out the way quickly.

6. Send a herd of temperamental girlfriends his direction. Watch him run fast.

7. Hide his clothes and leave only a women's kimono and sash. Hightail it to the middle of the market area. He probably would not follow.

8. Wait till he's really drunk and braid and style his hair. Have some little girls on hand and say they were just having fun.

9. Hide his sword. Be gone before he finds it missing.

10. Roll your eyes when he talks about how good he is. Be prepared to get knocked on the head.

11. Put him in a room filled with beautiful women. Watch the fun when he finds out they are men in drag.

12. Gather all your friends and go to Hiko's cabin. Pretend you can not hear him yell at you over the noise of the crowd.

13. Invite him to your house. Do not be there when he shows up. Tell him you forgot.

14. When at his cabin, drink or spill all of the sake he has. Act innocent.

15. Make strange noises outside of the cabin at night. Do not let him see you. If he can not sense your presence, he will be a mass of nerves and terror after a month of frustration. If he does sense you, kiss your butt goodbye or beg for mercy.