So Close
by shiningbright

As he lay there, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the breathing of his roommates and contemplating the recentmost events, he felt his heart tighten in his chest. What had he seen today, but Ginny and Dean, liplocked in the broom closet? He knew she'd had a lot of boyfriends, that she was even more experienced than him, what with his one kiss with Cho Chang back in fifth year. But somehow, seeing her with him made him realize something, a feeling, he'd tried to ignore that had risen to the surface...

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss

Dean lay but two beds away from him, in deep sleep. Harry briefly wondered if maybe there was a potion he could concoct that could get Dean to hate Ginny, so she would see him, realize that he was the one for her. Not Dean. Not Michael. Harry. Harry Potter.

That reminded him of all the other times he'd seen Ginny and Dean together: them snuggling on the armchair, holding hands on the way out to the quidditch field, meeting each other's eyes at dinner. Was he yearning for their intimacy or just Ginny herself? He wasn't sure what he wanted. Then again, he wasn't jealous of Ron and Lavender, so maybe it was Ginny- the redhead beauty who he never had seemed to notice before- he wanted.

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

It was the next morning, and he was sitting in the common room, watching as Dean waited patiently for Ginny at the bottom of the stairs, and then, when she came down, gently kissed her, holding her back. Then they sat down on an armchair in front of the fire, Ginny on his lap. Ron tried not to look at them as he entered the room, but Harry found it hard to look away. A sudden fiery hate bubbled in his chest as he watched them. He'd always liked Dean; Dean was a good quidditch player, who was a decent student and a fun person to be with, but now jealousy erased those thoughts. Dean was the enemy, one to be bested. Harry would woo Ginny and she would forget all about Dean.

And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

The day went by, and in everything Harry did all he could think about was her; her red hair, her sweet, melodic voice, her flower scented perfume. He wondered how he'd never noticed her before, and chastised himself for it. Didn't she like him back in his second year? Didn't she send him a card for Valentine's Day, via the mental Lockhart? Why didn't he notice her then! But no, he'd ignored her feelings and kept on with his life, too wrapped up in his own problems to even see her.

He was so stupid.

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss

And now it was too late; she was in love with Dean Thomas, his own classmate. He had no chance against the smooth talking black boy, no chance at all.

And that was all he could think about as he headed up to Gryffindor Tower after classes one day, his eyes cast downward, when he heard two people- them- fighting.

"Get off of me! I already told you, I don't want to have sex with you!" he heard her voice, rising and lowering at various intervals, wavering slightly. She'd been crying.

"Oh, come on Ginny, I thought you loved me..." answered Dean's voice softly. "You said you did."

"I do, at least, I did. But I'm not going to have sex with you, Dean! It's too early, we're not married, I'm not ready, it isn't right.." Ginny argued. Harry paused at the stairs, wondering if he should interfere.

"I'm sorry," came his voice. "I didn't mean...I just love you so much, Gin, and I'm note sure how to tell you."

"You do tell me. In everything you do," she whispered back. Harry slumped his shoulders. They'd been so close, so close to breaking up. He turned around and headed back downstairs. He needed to go to the library anyway.

Cause I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

shiningbright