"Of course – that means, only if you want…" He hesitated. Why did he always have to be so hesitant about that?

"I do. And I will always do." I stated. He kissed my hair and lifted me up in his arms to carry me down, where the others were waiting. They started running, but I was emotionally so very exhausted that I fell asleep in his arms.

I woke up when my mom ran out of the house to greet us and tell me how happy she was that I was still alive and whole.

"Mom!" I called after Edward had let me down.

"Bella, you're alright. Thank god, I was worried sick. They always get you out of everything, don't they?" She laughed hysterically and hugged me so I couldn't breath.

"Mom, yeah, well I am a trouble magnet after all. What did you do all the time you were waiting? It must have been a long time for you." I tried to change the subject.

"Well, Edward allowed me to play on his grand…" She smiled like a little child with a new doll. Thank god she didn't have to sit and worry all the time. We walked into the house and up to the guest room where she slept.

"You still want to go with them?" Renee asked.

"Yes, why not?" I tried to sound indifferent, but I had foreseen her being difficult. No need for Alice there – that's my mom.

"Then I'll drive back to Jacksonville now. Or I won't be there until tomorrow, Phil's sister Janny is already waiting for me, she thinks we both need something else to think about… be safe, ok?" She kissed my forehead.

"I will, thank you mom… wait, didn't Edward say she lives in Canada?" I wondered.

"We have to sort out Phil's things … heritage and everything …" A tear ran down her left cheek .

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to …" I whispered.

"Don't worry … I know that I can't do anything more for you. You won't listen to me … why should you. I know the best thing and maybe the only thing left for me to do for you is to trust you … and Edward. You, boy – watch out for my daughter. Make her happy."

"I will!" He promised. I hugged her goodbye and watched her walk out of the door.

"She hopes you will still be the same when we are back…" Edward sighed.

"I will."

"No, you won't. You will be dead, cold, unable to blush and not clumsy anymore."

"If that's all…I will still be the same person. I'm her little Bella, your girl, and just good old Bella in every other way." I laughed, sometimes he could be ridiculous.

"You will rely on drinking blood…I don't want that for you…my beautiful Bella, killing…" He stood behind me and laid his arms around my waist, placing his chin on my head. "And Bella, I want you to consider one fact none of us ever mentioned before: You won't be able to have children."

"I know, it doesn't matter." I simply stated. I knew this, and it didn't change anything.

"Are you sure? Bella, women are made to have children, it's their purpose on earth. Every girl has a space in her heart only a child is able to fill…" He stroke my cheek. I turned around and looked into his face.

"It doesn't change anything, Edward."

"I know you say that, but are you sure? Maybe in a few years you wish you could have a child…then I won't be able to give you one, and you won't be able to have one anymore." There was pain in his eyes once again, I didn't like it.

"Edward, don't you understand? It doesn't change anything if I'm with you or anyone else. Let me ask you a simple question: Wouldn't your fine nose have realised it if I had gotten my period just once in our nearly two years together?" I looked down as his jaw dropped.

"You mean – I'm sorry, Bella. If I had known this … but, …since when?" He held me tight to show me that it was no problem that I hadn't told him until now … that he understood.

"I don't know, but I figured at the age of fourteen … it never really was a problem for me, honestly. It's the way it is for me, but most of the time I was happy to be sure that it would never matter to you… I had feard when I figured that I would love someone who had a problem with it …" I had been sure all the time, that it wouldn't be a problem with Edward because he was a vampire.

"I'm sorry, Bella…"

"For what? You shouldn't keep apologising for things that have noting to do with you. I'm just happy it doesn't matter for you." I blushed.

"Why should it matter? Bella … I love you, and I will … forever. It's just too bad that I'm not going to have that blush anymore …" he sighed. "Are you … do you want to go now? Carlisle's already packed the car, and Alice packed your things." I groaned. I didn't want to know what Alice had packed.

"What did she pack? Have I ever seen anything of it?" He chuckled, but I didn't get an answer. Sigh, why did she have to keep spoiling me? "Let's get going."

He took my hand and lead me to the frontyard. Four cars were standing there, doors wide open: Carlisle's Mercedes S55 AMG, Rosalie's BMW M3, Edward's Volvo S60 R and an unknown dark blue BMW X5. I saw Rose handing her keys very unwillingly to Tanya, while she held a distance to Irina and Kate. Tanya had always seemed to be the most careful and quiet of them, so I figured she had the most appropiate driving style. Jasper was leaning under the back of the Mercedes to hold it higher and was talking freely to Emmett who was fixing the winter tires which he was handling with such ease that I thought I should have let him do my last tires as well, then I wouldn't have had to nearly get squished by an empty car. Edward lead me to the Volvo and Alice greeted me happily.

"We're going to drive with you. Emmett and Rosalie will go with Carlisle and Esme, Carmen and Eleazar take the X5 and Rose had to throw a fit before the three girls could have the keys for the M3." She was overexcited, obviously she really liked Alaska.

"How long is the drive?" I asked.

"At our speed … 'bout five hours." Emmett answered. He had suddenly appeared behind me.

"Wait – we've got to go through Canada and the way up from there to Denali???" How fast were they going to drive? They laughed about my shocked face, and Jasper said:

"Just don't look out of the window."

"Everyone departure!" Carlisle called and we settled into the car: Edward driving, me on the passenger's seat and Jasper and Alice in the back. We drove in one line, all about three times the speed limit fast, to the highway. I decided to not look out and turned the stereo on. I found a halfway appropiate channel, turned the volume down, leaned back and closed my eyes.

Nickleback - Far Away

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know

I smiled. Another song that reminded me of Edward. Well, ok, everything reminded me of Edward these days.

I love you
I've loved you all along
And I missed you
far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

I looked at Edward. He smiled and leaned over to kiss me.

"Watch the road!" I screamed in shock. The three of them laughed. I knew, super senses, but still…

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
Cause you know, you know, you know

I'd withstand all of hell to be with him forever. I'd give it all. I'd give for us. I'd give my life and soul for forever with him. That seemed me an uneven trade, but to my favour. I smiled.

So far away
(So far away)
far away for far too long
So far away
(So far away)
For far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

"What are you smiling at?" The love of my life asked. I once again recognised the frustration that he couldn't read my mind in his voice.

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
(I love you)
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
(and I forgive you)
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me never let me go
Keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me never let me go
(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me never let me go

"I'm thinking…" I just said.

"About what?" He asked, getting unnerved.

"Well … about me, about you, about us … about our future…" I stared somewhere far away still smiling.

"I love you. I don't deserve you, Bella…" He whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"One, you do, don't say that. Two, watch where you are driving. Three, I love you too."

"You two would make a nice soap…" Jasper moaned. Edward laughed and I blushed.

"Honestly Bella, get used to this driving." Alice snorted.

"Edward's driving frightens me, especially when he's not looking at the road."

"Of all the things to frighten you…" Jasper chuckled.

"Where did I hear that one agaim?" I looked at Edward who just shrugged and turned back to the road, following the black Mercedes. I leaned back into the seat and drifted to sleep, although I had a feeling that it wasn't my work … Jasper???

"Bella … Bella, we're there …" Someone whispered into my ear with the sweet voice of my love.

"Huh?" I heard a few laughes.

"Bella, come on, we are here!" I looked around, only to see a large building of red stone, similar to the Cullens' surrounded by a forest of white, snowy trees. It had a few towers and high windows and in the back I could hear a small river. I felt at home immediately. Edward lead me into the house that was as brightly furnished as the Cullen's, but with fur and other warm things that made you comfortable with the cold outside. In the middle of the living room there was a huge white fireplace.

"Come on, we still have our rooms from when we all lived up here!" Edward said and lifted me up to carry me all the way upstairs. Like in Forks, he had the last room at the very top of the house. As he opened the door for me I gasped. The whole room was black and crimson, but it didn't seem dark. The dresser was black with silver handles and a huge silver-framed mirror. Here, he had a huge black four-poster bed with crimson pillows, that was standing high in the corner of the room, in one of the "towers". It was beautiful and suited him so well. He walked over to his stereo, the same one as in Forks, only with just about a third of his CD-collection, and popped Claire de Lune into the player.

"That's our room for the time being…" He stated.

"It's beautiful." I said. And it was, nontheless, it was overhelming how he stood there with his pale skin in front of the black wall…black was his color.

"I had feared you would find it too dark."

"Black suits you so well…" He laughed and that moment Jasper came in and threw two siutcases to Edward's feet.

"Would have been nice of you to help. I just have to hands, you know, and Alice seven bags." I laughed. That was Alice.

Edward and I spent the next hour unpacking. His black dresser was huge. My clothes problemlessly fit in the left half of it, while his filles the other side. As we were finished, we sat on his bed, just bathng in each others presence.

"May I show you something?" He asked. "It's a beautiful place, especially at sundown." I nodded and he opened the window. He swung himself out and onto the roof of the little tower. Then his face appeared in the window again.

"Give me your hands, Bella." I stepped to the window and sat on the edge, looking down. It was terrifyingly high.

"Edward, that's too high," he took my hands and let me hanging in midair just held by his strong arms. "Edwaaaaaard!" I winced. Usually I didn't have a problem with height, but usually I wasn't just held by a pair of hands that coud drop me any miment.

"Don't you trust me?" He whispered. That made me shut up immediately. I had to do everything to show him my trust in him - a trust that reached beyond my life and soul, literally – or he would never change me during our stay here. When would he do it? I would avoid the topic and not pus him. He should do it when he was ready; I would be ready any time. He sat me on his lap and I stared at the reddish sun sinking below the horizon and letting the snowy trees sparkle liek Edward's skin in the sun. I looked at him. He smiled, but his eyes held something more, something I hadn't ever seen in them, something that made positive shivers run down my spine … he was actually looking worward to something – to being with me forever. I smiled and kissed his lips carefully.

"It's beautiful."

"I know it is. That's why I brought you here."

"Edward? Bella?" Kate asked from inside his – our – room.

"We're coming." He answered. I looked at him questioningly. Stupid mind-reader.

"Carmen and Esme are fighting over who made the better dinner for you." That made me burst out laughing so hard that I didn't even realize he had jumped off the rooftop until I felt the impact of sussenly standing upright in front of the garden backdoor of the kitchen.

"Bella, darling, I made something for you to eat." Carmen greeted me.

"But she can't cook, so I prepaed something as well, just in case." Esme added.they shoved me to the table and sat down two plates in front of me. One held a delicious looking lasagna and the other one held some pizza. Ok, so much for that – I loved italian food.

I took a fork and tasted the lasagna. It was wonderful. When I had eaten it I took a slice of the pizza. It was equally wonderful. I looked up at the waiting eyes of both of them as soon as I was full.

"They were both absolutely wonderful. Thank you, both of you" They beamed and shook hands while this time Edward was the one to burst out laughing. I wonder what they were thinking. Edward lead me out of the kichen.

"You should get some sleep. It's already eleven." Just then I realized how tired I really was, alhough I had slept most of the drive. But I wasn't tired enough to hear Esme's tiny whisper …that was most likely the last meal I could cook for her and you… I yawned to hide my smile and Edward carried me upstairs, waiting on the bed while I took my human minute. In the shower I couldn't stop smiling. Most likely I would be a vampire by the end of the week. Tomorrow was Tuesday, it had taken us a day longer to come here thanks to the little Victoria-incident, and I wasn't sure if they celebrated Easter, but I couldn't imagine him wanting me to be changed over the weekend, they would want to celebrate, the way I know them. So I would have to be done by Saturday evening. Take three days – that would make tomorrow or the day after… I turned the water hotter to relax my muscles when I thought of the pain. I would manage it. For Edward. For forever. As I was done I walked back into our room. Edward covered me with the blanket and told me he loved me. I only heard the first few tunes of my lullaby before I fell asleep.

I woke up to the sun shining through my eyelids. I opened them and saw a sparkling greek god leaning against the window. He wore a dark jeans and a black button-down shirt, but what I instantly realised was a single drop odd dried blood under his chin. He had been hunting tonight. I yawned.

"Good morning, love." He whispered, kissing my cheek lightly. His eyes were lighter than I had ever seen them, a golden shade of honey that sparkled in the sun, together with his skin.

"Morning…" I stood up and went into the bathroom, washing and brushing my hair and dressing in a nice-fitting pair of jeans and a blue shirt – exactly the color Edward liked most on me. I stepped out of the bathroom to find Edward gone, so I decided to go downstairs alone. While pasing the clock I realised it was already twelve, and I really longed for breakfast. As I entered the kitchen I found all vampires gathered there and sat down next to Edward. They were all just walking out and when the saw me said bye and that tey would be back by the end of the day. I looked at Edward.

"They're going hunting." He stated.

"And you" He laughed.

"Already went tonight. I couldn't leave you alone here, could I? Carmen wants to be sure she doesn't have to rebuild the house when she comes back." He said lightly. Once again I was happy that he couldn't read my thoughts. Had he really forgotten my obsrever-qualities? I made myself some cereal and Edward watched me eating. When I was finished we returned to our room where I sat on the bed and Edward on the floor, looking at me.

"So, what do you want to do today?" He asked.

"Just sitting here and looking at you is fine for me…" I answered.

"Just looking at me? How uttely boring." He teased. He lifted me off the bed and sat me on his lap. His hands covered my eyes and his lips caressed my neck. I shivered.

"Are you sure you do not want anything else than just looking at me?" He whisperes, his voice like velvet.

"Edward… if I din't know it better, I would say you are trying to seduce me…" I whispered back.

"It's a pity you know it better, isn't it?" My eyebrows went up an inch.

"Edward! You forget I'm still human!"

"Then it is good that I was just planning on changing that fact…" He whispered directly into my ear. I was instantly on alert. Watch exactly what you are going to say now, Bella…

"Mybe that would be quite good, yes…"


"So what?"

"So, what do you think?" He asked. That was it – the question I had only one single chance to answer. The question I had to find the one and only ultimatively correct answer to. I was thinking hard of what to say until it dawned to me, that the truth was the only true way to answer.

"I think that I love you." I whispered with a smile on my lips. He turned me around to face him. What surprised me most was, that he was actually wholeheartdly smiling back at me.

"I love you, too, Bella. This is your last chance to turn back…"

"I would never want that. I'm yours, and only yours. Forever." I vowed. He carefully kissed my lips and then trailed his kisses down my jaw until his cold lips were lying on my throat, just above the vein my blood was running through with a quick pulse. He hesitated.

"Forever?" He asked.

"Forever yours. I love you." I closed my eyes and prepared for the things to come. One second I felt his cool tongue on my skin, the next one I clenched my fists to the sharp pain of his teeth gliding through my skin like it was just a thin layer of paper. Fear cursed through me and I suddenly felt what he had always meant with me being so fragile to him. This very moment he could kill me. I was only so far form absolute death. But I wouldn't regret anything if he did. I would only regret being the cause of the pain he would be in if he actually killed me. But I fought against this thought. I trusted him and I had no right to doubt him. He was strong. He was my love. I did this only for him, and for me, and for us, and for forever. I felt a small sucking on my neck and felt the begining of the fire. The venom had entered my system.

I let out a piercing scream and coughed up blood. Edward pulled back and laid me down on the blankets of our bed. He stroke my hair and licked the rest of my blood from the corners of his mouth. I cringed. My whole throat was on fire by now.

"I'm sorry, Bella" He whispered with a pained expression in his eyes.

"Don't be" I coughed. My voice was hoarse. What would the others think when they came home? Had he planned this? Did they know? Or did he just use the time we had alone?

"Edward…" I whispered, the pain slowly spread into my head and chest.

"Yes, Bella?" He was highly on alert.

"What will the others think? Do they know?" I coughed up blood on the shirt once again.

"Don't worry. It was rather spontanous. I thought I'd better do it without them in the house… Alice surely has seen it by now, but I can't tell you wether she already told the others. I assume Jasper knows because she will have completely freaked out emotionally." He laid his hand on my cheek. I was hot, almost as hot as Jacob, and the cold of his skin was nice.

The fire had consumed my head and I had to shut my burning eyes. My throat was dry and I longed for water, although I didn't know if it would help. I could feel the fire spread from my heart into every direction. I looked at the clock, it said one pm. Three days of this, oh my god, how could I survive this? Then I felt the cold on my forehead and opened the eyes to look into his sorrowful ones which now had a reddish tint to them. I instantly knew a way to survive it: Edward.

"Never leave" I whispered. He kissed the blood from my lips and wiped away the tears that I hadn't noticed falling down my cheeks.

"Never in forever." He vowed. I smiled.

"Bella … my Bella … how can you still smile while enduring this? Look at you and what I have done to you, and still you want me by your side. I'm a monster, and you are so special."

"Edward … cough … I would always want you. What you have done is … making my greatest wish come … cough … true. I can only endure this with the thought of having you by my side. I can stand this … cough … because I do this for the both of us…"

"Hush, Bella. Don't talk so much. I love you, and I still don't understand how I deserve you…" He caressed my cheeks with his cold hands. By the time the fire had consumed all of my body I had a feeling I would die. This was my end. Not the beginning it should be, but the end of all light. What would Edward do when I was dead?

Evanescence - My last Breath

hold on to me love...

you know i can´t stay long...

all i wanted is to say was i love you and i´m not afraid..

can you hear me ?

can you feel me in your arms ?

"Edward … I will die…" I whispered.

"No Bella, don't say this. I know, it seems like but …" I couldn't hear him anymore. The fire had burned my every sense.

holding my last breath

safe inside myself

are all my thoughts of you

sweet reptured light

it ends here tonight

"I love you" …

i´ll miss the winter

a world of fragile things

look for me in the white forest

hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)

"I'll miss you" …

i know you hear me

i can teste it in your tears

I could feel he was saying something, but I couldn't understand him, couldn't see him, could only feel …

holding my last breath

safe inside myself

are all my thoughts of you

sweet raptured light

i ends here tonight

"Don't worry … I'll die happy" …

closing your eyes to disappear

you pray your dreams will leave you here

but still you wake and know the truth

no one´s there...

I heard him like through a layer of water in my ears. He was calling for Carlisle, screaming and yelling in frustration. No one could hear him … they were too far away.


don´t be afraid ...

calling me calling me as you fade to black ...

"Goodbye, Edward … I love you …" …

The last thing I ever heard were his tearless sobs.