My Dwindling Sanity

Rating: T

Pairings: None really … I guess it could be taken as implied Hyuugacest/Uchihacest? But only if you squint, tilt your head to the left, stand on one foot, and like that whole incest scene.

Warnings: Swearing and OOCness and … uh … spoilers for anyone who doesn't know about Oro-chan and the whole Hyuuga Main/Branch House crap?

Genre: Humor

Word Count: 300

Disclaimer: Please see my Profile for details.

A/N: 0.o Seriously, FTW?


"Sasuke," Itachi decided, "is sooo my bitch."

"Well, you did murder your entire clan and made him re-live it several times due to a bloodline ability Sasuke will never obtain because he only has one best friend and he couldn't kill Naruto if he tried, as well as attempted to capture said best friend for your own nefarious purposes, as well as just being an evil bastard that made your younger brother go all "grr must be an avenger". Which was, in retrospect, really obnoxious." Neji said reasonably, eyes hidden under cucumber slices, face painted with … gloop the color of his eyes, and his head under one of those huge hair-drying machines.

"Hmm …" Itachi contemplated while in similar position.

"On the flip side, that stupid main house whore Hinata is so my bitch. She calls me nii-san, can you believe that?"

Itachi pouted and replied sulkily, "Sasuke still calls me Aniki."

There was a small pause.

"Yes, well Hinata didn't run off to get raped by some snake pedophile for power she's never going to get."

"That may be, but Sasuke isn't a little whiny skank who defers to, and can't even beat, her lame Branch House cousin."

Neji flew into sitting position, cucumbers sliding off his face.

"Only I can talk about Hinata-sama like that!"

Itachi picked off one of his own cucumbers and took a dainty bite. In full bitch-mode, he turned to Neji and purred, "Hinata-sama? Maybe you have another relationship, maybe master/slave, hmm?" He finished off his cucumber with a flourish.

Red faced, regardless of his appearance, Neji threw himself to his feet and stalked toward the door.

"Same time next week?" Itachi called after him in a silky, smug voice.

Neji paused, and then reluctantly gave a curt nod before the door to the beauty salon swung closed.


I have no excuses.

(Insert standard demand/plea/bribe/threat for reviews)