Modern Day Love
Monday 12:32 am
Bless...it's a little chilly!
Need my hoodie...ahh, much better.
Despite my mood, I manage a smirk. It's black and much too big for me, with a crude skull and spoons crossed beneath it.
It reads 'Cereal Killer'.
...maybe I shouldn't be sitting out on my rooftop in the middle of Feburary...but it felt like the best thing to do right now. It's a good place to think, a roof. I can see the stars and the moon is so bright. I've spread my blanket down, maneuvering quietly as to not wake anyone in the house. I'd be killed if I were found up here.
I lay down, gazing at the stars, my cheeks aren't wet anymore, and my sobs have stopped. I don't understand it really, it just came out of nowhere.
I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life.
I think I've known for a while I loved him, I just...couldn't say it, even to myself...And now it's thrust itself in my face the moment I know I've lost him forever. I can feel my heart aching and burning...it's a new sensation, and one I really don't care for.
Maybe I should explain.
Earlier tonight, it'd been wonderful. I've known my absolute greatest and most best friend Aerith Gainsborough for approximately ten years now. We met in second grade, and we've been inseparable ever since despite how different we can be. She's like my sister, and I love her.
Then there's Cloud Strife, my other best friend. I've only known him for about four years, but still, I feel like I've known him for a lifetime. Our personalities mesh, we've got a good connection, and I love him, too.
Although...I didn't know how much...
It started with us three going to see Beauty and the Beast. A few of our classmates from school were putting it on, and I wanted to see it. I invited another friend, but, he's just antisocial. So we go, and I'm happy, and we're all happy...and the play is bloody awesome! It's so good, although the Beast's costume is hilarious, and Aerith and I have to stifle laughter half the time.
However, Cloud's not happy. I know Cloud has had the biggest crush on Aerith since he first laid eyes on her. I don't know if it's any big deal or not, but Aerith doesn't really seem to have that much interest in him...
Until the late.
He's so sad during intermission, and I try to cheer him up, and make him feel better while Aerith's in the bathroom, but I can't. I just can't concentrate on what he's saying, because I have this overwhelming impulse to kiss him on the cheek. I toy the idea in my head, wondering what he would say...I then wonder why I even want to kiss his cheek, but I've no more time to ponder it, as to the fact Aerith has returned.
So the play goes on, and it seems Cloud has cheered up, and I'm glad for it. I never like seeing him sad. After the play, Cloud takes us home. He drops me off first, and that's no surprise to me. I change, and go downstairs to check my e-mail. It's then I get a call.
"Tifa! I am so happy...I'm like walking on...I can't even begin to explain."
"Whoa, Cloud, calm down...what?" I ask, not really paying attention.
"I had to pull over, that's how happy I am...I mean Tifa, just look at the stars...don't you ever just look at the stars?"
"Uh, Cloud...you do remember the fact that we had astronomy together last semester, right?"
But he's ignoring me.
"Why are you so happy? You're never this way."
"Why? Because...Aerith and I just kissed."
I think I've dropped the phone, but my entire body is numb, so, whose to say?
"Uh...yeah..." I try to sound bright and cheery for him, while trying to catch my breath.
"Isn't it great?"
"Awesome." Did he notice my voice shake.
"Uh...listen, I need to go, so I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
"Yeah! Definitely, I want to talk some more."
I don't even wait for him to respond.
Are these tears? Why am I crying? Cloud's with Aerith now, I should be happy...it's something he's wanted for a long time now, something that I've helped him with...so why am I crying? Why can't I stop sobbing, what is this pain in my heart? Since when do I care that he's in love? ...
I don't...because, he never truly was in love...because every other girl was nothing, so I had no worries, I had no reason to bring out the fact I loved him...because, no girl posed a threat...but her...
I thought...she told me...but...how can this be happening?
I know now, though, why I am crying.
I know I love Cloud, and have always loved Cloud, and always will.
But I also know now that since she's got him, I'm never getting him back.
Now I am numb,
I can't feel my legs...
My heart's pounding in my head
It can't be happening,
I can't breathe,
I'm gasping for air
That just isn't there...
Oh release me from
This painful captivity
My heart's in two pieces
And fallen apart
Deny me, oh sweet beautiful bliss
You, overjoyed by a simple kiss
My hands are shaking...
I hid even from myself
And this I cry for help...
I'm crying blood,
Suffocating on life,
I'm done and through
With this fight.
A/N:...well...I don't really know about this, but I'll try...the poem is by me, and actually written on the night this happened...the OOCness probably comes from the fact that this actually happened in my life...and it sucks...sucked...still sucks...but yeah! I know you're all like WHERES THE CLOTINESS! and I'm like SORRY! It'll come, eventually...but right now will probably be depressing...but don't worry, I'll give Tifa a happy ending, even if I don't get one.