Disclaimer: I do not own Loveless, Yun Kouga does. I also do not own the song "A Beautiful Lie" by 30 Seconds to Mars.
"Ritsuka… I promise, I will never let anyone hurt you ever again…"
Lie awake in bed at night, and think about your life. Do you want to be different? Try to let go of the truth. The battles of your youth. Cuz this is just a game. It's a beautiful lie. It's the perfect denial. Such a beautiful lie to believe in…
'This is the fifth night in a row… that I haven't slept.' Ritsuka thought to himself, staring at the ceiling in his cold room. The window was open, and a cool breeze was blowing in on this November night. Ritsuka found it useless to keep his window shut anymore. Usually, the day it got shut, only a few hours later it would be open again, welcoming Soubi through it. Not like Ritsuka wanted him to come through it… every single day. Or so he thought. But for the past three nights, Ritsuka was unable to sleep. 'This isn't like the time before. When I would either sleep all day, or stay up all night. I really haven't gotten any rest at all for the past five nights. Is this dangerous?' he asked himself, 'It's not like I have any choice though…' he replied. Whenever he would attempt to sleep, thoughts would rush through his head, and wouldn't let him sleep at night. So Ritsuka had decided three nights ago, that sleep was useless. He looked at the clock, 'Only three?' he asked himself in his head. He closed his eyes, knowing good and well that it would get him nowhere. But when he closed his eyes, he was taken back to a few days ago…
"Ritsuka…" Soubi whispered, as the two of them sat on a bench near a lake. It was sunset, and the sun was at just the right angle where it made the lake look as if it were glowing. Ritsuka had decided that this was his favorite place to be. There weren't many people near the lake that day, only four or five. "You know I love you right?" Soubi finished, then smiled. He had just felt like reminding the boy.
"That's what you say…" Ritsuka informed him, and then added in a lower tone, but still audible enough for Soubi to hear, "… every single day." Soubi thought for a moment, contemplating what Ritsuka had just said,
" Do you get tired of hearing that?" Soubi asked him. Ritsuka blushed and stuttered out,
"W-when you say it two or three t-times a d-day I do…" he whispered slightly. But deep down he knew that every time those words left Soubi's mouth, his heart would do a turn. As much as he tried to deny it, Ritsuka knew, deep down in his gut, that part of him wanted to say, "I love you too." But Ritsuka knew not this feeling of love. Or so he believed.
"So it's alright for me to say it at least once a day?" Soubi questioned him curiously. Soubi had picked up a habit of telling Ritsuka he loved him every day now. Without realizing it sometimes. He had just looked at the boy and saw how cute he was, and how h stumbled over his words all the time, and got so angry with him. He couldn't help himself.
"I never s-said that!" Ritsuka half-yelled, tripping over his words once more.
"But you never said I couldn't" Soubi smiled at the young boy, noticing him tripping over his words. Ritsuka was currently hauled up in a ball, with his legs against his chest, blushing madly.
"W-well don't!" Ritsuka exclaimed.
"Is that an order?" Soubi asked his Sacrifice.
"Shut up!" Ritsuka got up and walked away in a quick pace. Soubi followed after, deciding not to bring it up again.
Ritsuka was still lying on his bed.
'Why do I say things like that if I'm only going to regret them later on? But telling Soubi to quit saying he loves me, is that really how I feel?' All of these thoughts were running through his head, while he still had his eyes closed, and he didn't even notice the soft patter of footsteps walking across his bedroom floor. And it was only when a pair of soft, warm lips were pressed against his own, that he opened his eyes. There stood Soubi, leaning over him. Ritsuka quickly balled up at the top of his bed, a bit startled to see him. "What are you doing here?" Ritsuka whispered angrily, "Don't you know it's…" he looked at the clock, "…4:30 in the morning!"
"Sorry… I had a dream about you…" Soubi replied grabbing the young boy, and holding him. Ritsuka struggled a little bit, and when Soubi wouldn't let go, Ritsuka just stopped. He let Soubi hold him. They were both still for a moment, Ritsuka still in his embrace, then in one swift movement, Ritsuka broke free. "I'm sorry for waking you up…" Soubi apologized, "you can go back to sleep now. I just needed to see you."
"Gladly!" Ritsuka told him profoundly as he thumped down against the bed, and covered himself up. Soubi got off of the bed. Ritsuka expected him to leave now, but Soubi, being well… Soubi, was always full of surprises. He didn't leave, he merely sat on the floor beside of Ritsuka's bed. Ritsuka was still and quiet for several minutes, and then came Soubi's voice,
"Ritsuka?" he whispered. Ritsuka didn't answer, "Are you asleep?" Still, he did not answer him. He heard Soubi get up.
'Finally…' Ritsuka thought, thinking Soubi was finally leaving. Then just a second later, Ritsuka felt a body lay next to him. Ritsuka soon found that he was getting sleepier and sleepier, 'But I wasn't sleepy at all a few minutes ago…' he thought, And as he heard the steady breathing of the man beside of him, he was almost asleep, but only before hearing four final words,
"Ritsuka, I love you…"