A/N: So, basically I'm dancing in my pants about the season premiere in a few hours. So I just had to get one last story out before. Hope you like. I own nada, wish I did. No warnings really… but don't hate me if you're a little brother or sister and think I got this wrong. Or if you're a big brother or sister and think I got this wrong. I just love Dean and Sam's relationship and I know the relationship between me and my brother and also between my friend and her little brother… so I just kinda put them all together and this is the gumbo. Wow, I'm weird. Blame it on excitement.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know why it is the way it is.
But it is.
Welcome to my world.
Maybe I should try and clear things up a bit, eh?
Do you have a little brother? Or a little sister maybe?
If you do, then you'll know what I mean.
And if you just so happen to be one of those "youngest kids" then listen up. Because we, the big brothers and sisters of the world, deserve a hell of a lot more appreciation than you give us.
If you've got a younger sibling, then you know how they seem to know exactly how to push you. If they want to hurt you, they know exactly what to say.
"Are you that desperate for his approval?"
Yeah, Dean thought, you've never had to work for it Sam. I do.
"That's the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic, like you."
I listen to Dad because he always knew the safest and quickest way. I wanted you save and home in time to do your homework.
"You hate me that much? You think you can kill your own brother? Well then go ahead. Pull the trigger. Do it."
And in the end, Dean was the one who apologized first.
They know how to make you laugh and how to make you guilty with just a few choice phrases.
Now, I'm not saying that we, the older brothers and sisters, don't have this intuitive gift as well… we just choose to use it for good rather than evil.
Well… unless it's a special situation.
But for the most part we sway to the good side.
And if you're a little brother or sister and you're shaking your head calling me a big, dumb, idiot… shush. You push us to the dark side. So there.
If you've ever hurt your little brother or sister, or made them cry… you can't feel right again until you apologize or buy them something or make sure they've forgiven you.
It throws you out of whack to not have them near where you can keep an eye on them, and even if you tell yourself you really don't care about his friends or her boyfriends… your first instinct is to kick ass and take some names if they hurt him.
No one messes with my fucking little brother but me.
That's damn right.
"Hey Sam, you know that guy I shot? There was a person in there."
"You didn't have a choice, Dean."
"Yeah, I know. That's not what bothers me."
"Then what does?"
"Killing that guy, killing Meg. I didn't hesitate. I didn't even flinch. For you and Dad the things I'm willing to do or kill it just, uh… it scares me sometimes."
- - -
Then there's that baby thing.
They come in and push you right out of Momma's arms and you end up on the floor, watching and trying anything to get your parent's attention.
But then, you discover your new toy.
Then immediately after, when you try to pop its head off like all your other toys, you learn that, no, this is not a normal toy.
This is your baby brother.
"Take your brother outside as fast as you can. Don't look back."
Dean took his baby brother and all the weight that responsibility held.
He's never looked back.
And you're supposed to be his big brother and protect him and love him and teach him to be just like you.
Except, you never want them to be you.
You want them to be so much better.
Because they deserve all the things you can never have.
"You know, if you're hinting you need my help. Just ask."
"I'm not hinting anything. Actually… uh… I want you to know. I mean, don't think…"
"Yeah. I'm sorry too."
"Sam. You were right. You gotta do your own thing. You gotta live your own life."
"You've always known what you want. You go after it. You stand up to Dad. You always have. Hell I wish I… Anyway. I admire that about you. I'm proud of you, Sammy."
"I don't even know what to say."
"Say you'll take care of yourself."
"Call me when you find Dad."
"Okay. Bye Dean."
And for a long time, to them, you're God.
But as they get older and observe your screw ups, which you try so hard to hide from them because to them you want—need to be perfect, just a little bit longer. They realize that you're not a hero. You're just a person.
"Have you ever actually watched daytime TV? Its terrible."
"I talked to your doctor."
"The fabric softener teddy bear, ooh, I'm gunna hunt that little bitch down."
"Yeah. Alright, well, looks like you're gunna leave town without me."
"What are you talking about? I'm not going to leave you here?"
"Hey. You better take care of that car or I swear I'll haunt your ass."
"I don't think that's funny."
"Ah, come on. It's a little funny."
Sam looked down, out the window, at the ground, anywhere but at his brother.
"Look Sammy, what can I say? It's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story."
"Don't talk like that, alright? We still have options?"
"What options? Yeah. Burial or cremation. I know it's not easy. But I'm gunna die. And you can't stop it."
And that's when the trouble starts.
Because in truth, you're each other's kryptonite.
And they know how to use it better than you do.
It should hurt, when they get better than you. But it's funny, because it really doesn't.
"He's sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home."
"You don't think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?"
"Where is my brother?"
"Deep down I'm just jealous. You've got friends, you could have a life. Me? I know I'm a freak. And sooner or later everybody's gunna leave me."
Sure, it might damage your ego and you might argue that no, "I'm still older and still better" to their face. But when you're alone you remember the past and smile at the person you've helped shape.
And through everything, all the fights, all the screw ups, all the hugs and all the tears. You pray they still look up to you like they used to.
Because the memory of them watching you with amazement and awe is what keeps you on the straight road.
So yeah. Little brothers and little sisters, no one will love you your big brother or your big sister.
Because God knows they love you more than words can express.
"Hey, Dean. What I said earlier, about Mom and Dad…I'm sorry…"
Dean raised his hand. "No chick flick moments."
Sam laughed, Dean hadn't changed. "Alright. Jerk."
Even when they are being dicks.
September 28, written to quench her insatiable thirst for the season premiere.