This has been sitting in my head forever..but I haven't been able to get it out. This idea..in my head it's so much better but I don't know how to put it into words. Sometimes I just find myself wondering "What if Soubi really hates Ritsuka deep down inside? What if his so called 'jealousy' is just frustration that someone dare weaken the fragile bond he was ordered to build?
"I love you, Ritsuka."
Soubi says it so calmly. He says it like it's natural. With that small curve of his lips and eyes crinkled with a smile. He says it all the time,and I hate it. I hate the way he says it, I hate how he looks when he says it, and I hate how it makes me ache inside when he says it. It hurts, burns, tears, destroys me when he says it…because I know he doesn't mean it. He says it because Seimei ordered him to. I yell at him, send him away, and order him NOT to say it...but he does...because as he said, "Seimei's word is law." Sometimes I can see a flicker of determination on his face as his says it if I'm looking for it. I wonder if behind those expressions he's loathing that he has to say it. Maybe…behind those kind words and gazes he's barely tolerating me. I'll never believe him when he says it…I can't…I can't risk breaking what small amount of hope I've worked so hard to build.