Disclaimer: It all belongs to Jerry and believe I'm jealous.
Warning: Wishful Greg/Nick. Sad Greg and mean Warrick. Sorta AU.
Only Grissom and a few others that have seen my résumé know that I graduated highschool at sixteen. I skipped two grades and was continually picked on because my intellect. I remember learning in Chemistry class about significant figures, about the numbers that matter when doing scientific equations.
The most unimportant numbers were the zeros. They were placeholders, they were insignificant. They were only there to show that two hundred was bigger and more important than twenty or two. But other than being a helper to the significant numbers they were nothing. Just something meant to take up space. I never really thought about what that meant back then. I just learned the rules about sig figs (the cute name my Chemistry teacher made for significant figures) and took the test. I aced it, of course, and moved on.
But lately I've been thinking about them and I know the sad truth. I'm a zero. I'm insignificant. The others, they don't appreciate me. They see me as a burden. Ever since I finally became a CSI they treat me like I'm in the way. And I've finally realized why I'm here. I'm a zero, like I said before, and I'm just here to show how important they are. To show that without the team here there would only be others like me. People who were good, but not great at their jobs like they are. I'm a place holder, meant to show the greatness of others, but never be recognized for my own achievements.
It makes me wonder, if I had gone to San Francisco instead of Las Vegas would I be significant? Would I be a one or a five or even a nine? Would I be worthy? Or maybe it would be the same. Maybe it doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with. Maybe I will always be insignificant. The realization that I can never be more than I am in their eyes makes me...disappointed?...sad?...angry?...hurt?...yeah, that's the one.
It hurts that after everything, how hard I worked, being in the explosion, making them laugh, breaking the case, that I'm still not important to them. It hurts that they went out tonight and I wasn't invited. It hurts that whenever something happens it's somehow my fault. It hurts that no matter what I accomplish I'm still Greg Sanders: Labrat and CSI wannabe. It hurts that Nick will never notice me, that he never so much as glances in my direction, and it hurts that my feelings will never be returned.
I learned about sig figs in Chemistry class. What I didn't learn was that I never was and never will be significant. I'm a zero, a place holder, something meant to take up space and show how great everything around me is. Insignificant. What a word, what a hurtful, spiteful, truthful word.
"You're insignificant Sanders. You're gum on the bottom of my shoes. Now get out of the way." Greg backed away, shocked, and looked on as Warrick passed by him. The words echoed in his head. Insignificant.
Wow. That sounded better and less hurtful in my head. Please review it's my first CSI fic and I'll be crushed if no one reviews.