Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own Twilight.
A/N – This is Edward's story of Twilight, told including Stephenie Meyer's first chapter of Midnight Sun. Go to her site to read it there: I am continuing this story from after that onward, so this essentially starts at Chapter Two, because I am taking my story where her first chapter of Midnight Sun ended.
Chapter Two: Decision
Outside the car windows, lush green trees flashed by at incredible speeds: I fought back and forth in my mind with the monster as I sat in the car, driving as fast as I dared. I remembered the scent, the rich, sweet aroma of her blood, her thin, pale skin, her throat –
No. I would not - could not – be that monster again. I could not disappoint my father, not after how much we've been through. I would not take a human life. The monster inside of me roared, and I felt another stab of hatred toward this Isabella whom could destroy everything I have worked toward in these past hundred years.
My car was going a hundred miles an hour at the very least. I came up to a turn, an insignificant crossing of two roads. Two very deadly roads…one side could lead me to loop around and head towards the human girl's house. The other side would lead me straight to the hospital.
Head racing, I struggled against the impulse to turn the steering wheel the other way. The monster inside of me snarled in fury as I pushed past the turn, speeding up to escape the temptation of turning around toward Chief Swan's house.
My mind was in turmoil from resisting so strongly. Even without Isabella Swan's scent permeating the car, even with fresh air all around me, the scent lingered possessively on me. It rested in my nose, in my throat, as if I was to track her at the nearest opportunity.
The little humanity I had left shuddered from the idea: the monster purred in pleasure at the thought.
Within moments, I was at the hospital. Turning the key so my car was off, I leaned my head back against the seat, taking deep breaths again. The rainy, muggy scent of Forks poured through the window, scrubbing at the scent lodged in my mind. Still, the memory remained intact.
I was still too close to her: I had to go further away. Alice's vision came to mind: no wonder she saw me going there. I had to leave Forks to escape the temptation.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, pausing to grapple myself under control. The hate I felt against the creature to come to Forks was stronger now that I knew I would be leaving. I loved our life here, in this small town that seemed almost like a real home.
Yet, if I stayed I would be putting the girl in danger, and I could not do that. I would not take a human life again; I had promised myself this after my adolescent bout of rebellion. I quite simply could not kill again without destroying myself ever more.
If I was to keep my promise to myself and maintain Carlisle's faith in me, I must leave. The logic didn't erase my wish to stay here, born of more than one reason.
As I got out of my car, I mused over the fact that she could not stay in this town forever. After all, she was human; she would eventually die. And we were immortal, and could come back to this town after all who would remember us were gone. This thought helped to strengthen my resolve, my solidity of mind that I must leave to keep myself from turning into that red-eyed monster of my past.
Knowing where Carlisle's office was, I managed to skirt around potential problem humans with ease. Whenever we visited Carlisle here, many of the staff lusted after us. Most of the time, our physical appearances were an annoying inconvenience – except when we wanted something. Mrs. Cope came to mind.
Thankfully, he was in his office when I got there. If I was forced to stay in this hospital for too long, I was bound to attack the blood bank located a few floors below us. Maybe even a few of the other humans in my thirst…I had to stop think about that: it made my resolve harder to follow.
Slipping into the room without a sound, I announced myself by accident as the door closed a bit too hard. Carlisle was sitting at his desk, looking over a folder – a broken femur. He looked up, startled to hear the sound of my entrance. Edward? What are you doing here?
"I'm leaving." I blurted, unwilling to make myself stay in this enclosed hospital with so many blood-filled humans for too long. Resisting Isabella had been overwhelming compared to these humans, but my exposure to her made their scents extra sharp now that she was not here. I had to say my words, and leave quickly.
What? Not another rebellious stage, please…Carlisle blinked at me in surprise, thoughts flying a mile a minute. I caught a glimpse of myself as I had appeared to him after the first - and only - time I had left to hunt humans. The haunted look in my still-burgundy eyes had never truly left, even now that they were back to gold.
I couldn't allow him to think that I was going to be doing this because I wanted human blood again. The point of my leaving was to avoid such an occurrence. "No, no rebellious stages," I answered bluntly, fidgeting by the door. I was anxious to leave; the monster within was growing more impatient to go after this Bella the longer I stayed in this town. "I'm going up to Denali."
Carlisle stood and took in everything about me. Denali? When? Why is he here telling me now? Is something wrong with being in Forks?
I answered, "Yes, Denali. I'm going to be up there as soon as I can: I want to leave now, is possible. I simply came to tell you before I left: I'm sorry I didn't make it home. Esme doesn't know yet, unless Alice told them all…" I was careful with answering only a few particular questions my father had asked, but it was hard to concentrate. I had begun babbling uneasily.
Carlisle frowned. "You didn't answer the last question." That means there is something wrong here. I thought Edward loved Forks the last time we came through. Why is he so nervous? I've never seen him lose control like this.
I was tightly wound, muscles coiled to spring although I wasn't crouched – yet. I knew my eyes had to be black pools by now, and the monster within me was snapping and growling, desperate to hunt down the human girl. Carlisle could see my tenseness, see it in the way I held myself and was glancing around the room rapidly, even though I'd seen everything before.
Any human to come by right now would be in danger. I couldn't wait any longer. "I have to leave," I answered, avoiding his eyes. "I came to ask if I could borrow your car; my tank is nearly empty, yours is full."
Should I give this to Doctor Cullen? My eyes flashed to the door, tense and wary. No, I forgot, the nurses needed this copy – I have to pick up the Doctor's there. My tensed shoulders relaxed as a beating heart passed by the door.
Carlisle took a split second to worry about what had happened, before he nodded curtly, tossed me the keys, and thought, I'll tell Esme where you have gone, if Alice hasn't already. Please, return if you can, Edward. We do want you here.
I replied as I moved to the door. "They probably already have, and even if you wanted me here, I can't stay. Not now." I was running down the hallways as fast as I could go before he could call me back.
Within mere minutes, I was behind the wheel of Carlisle's Mercedes S55 AMG, speeding toward Denali, Alaska and away from the tortuous effect that Bella Swan had upon me.
Sitting atop a high mountain, stargazing, made me feel more at peace then I had for days. The sky looked so brilliant from where I lay - vampire eyes could define every ray of light that reached earth, creating a kaleidoscope of sharp color that was truly magnificent.
The stars in the sky were the same ones my family could see - although they would only see these stars in Forks on a clear night. Taking in another deep breath, I felt nothing but crisp, clean air in my lungs. Devoid of human scent and scattered with that of various animals.
It was as close to a paradise as I would ever reach. Yet despite the peace, I was unhappy. It hadn't been that long since I'd been in Forks, been with my family. Forks was closer to a real 'home' than any other place we had stayed. I was homesick for my family, for everyone I knew. The Denali clan just wasn't the same as my family.
Up here, the possibility that Bella's scent was so strong was laughable, outrageous. It was impossible to comprehend that such a tiny, weak human could force me out of the place I felt of as my true home. My family was there right now, and I should be with them.
I felt another surge of guilt from not saying goodbye properly. I hadn't even spoken to Esme, and probably by Alice's insistence, now one had called yet to check on me. I took another long breath, filling my lungs to their maximum, before releasing the air I had captured.
I had only been here for two days. The clear air seemed to help against some nonexistent problem. I was sure I could even go back if I had handled getting away so well. Would it really be as hard to resist her now that I had a clear head?
Going back home…the thought I had entertained seemed plausible, fulfilling somehow. I could go back to that tiny little town and live my nonexistent life out there for as long as we could. I could go back to my family.
In fact, I would go back. The scent of her, of Isabella, could not possibly be as strong as I had first thought it. I had been thirsty, after all – two weeks without a meal. Besides which, she was a human. She meant nothing to me, or anyone in my family. Why should she keep me away?
My decision set, I sprung up. I would head back tonight. Right now, as a matter of fact. I didn't want to wait any longer than necessary.
I exchanged a quick goodbye and thanks to the Denali clan as whole. I had not told them why I had come here, and though they were sad to see me go, they were happy too. They knew I belonged with my family.
I started driving back down to Forks, knowing that Alice would see me coming before I reached the border of Alaska. The night flashed by as speedily as it had when I had driven up here. The windows rolled down, I gazed out at the landscape as it passed by in a blur, simply thinking.
I had lived so long in this life that it was no longer new. The same routine in every town, the same knowledge taught so often to all the new children and now burned into my memory, and the changes around us, the unchanging. It was nothing different than before, for we had seen it all before; human greed, human habits, and human reactions all melded together. Rarely was there anyone different.
Except for Isabella…I groaned as my thoughts turned, once again, to the human. The human girl who'd made me believe that I had to go. Now that I thought it out, I realized my hatred toward her was unjustified. Of course, I knew it when I was there, but I had unconsciously enforced it to keep myself from attacking her. That logic made sense at the time.
She was different…the mystery of her mind came up. What was different about her? What made her unlike all the other students, the humans who followed the same predictable path of monotony? And why was it that her scent was strong to me, much stronger than any other scent I'd ever caught?
Now that I thought it over, I supposed that her scent might have seemed magnified by the hunger. After all, I hadn't fed in two weeks when I had encountered her. Maybe that was why she seemed to have an incredibly strong scent - but something made me doubt that.
Theories and thoughts raced through my head, but it always circled back to the injustice of it all: why had she come to Forks? What made her decide to live in that inconsequential town? And why now, of all the years to chose from? My mind worked in endless circles.
I took another deep breath. My thoughts had carried me through my trip, and I was nearing the entrance to the town. I caught a whiff of some human, and it reminded me that I hadn't gone hunting yet. I needed to feed. I could return home after I hunted. Alice would have caught my plans in a vision by now.
Turning, I headed back to the outer edges of the town and toward a portion of the forest that I had deemed a small sanctuary for myself. Leaving the car parked at the beginning of a trail, hidden a bit more than usual in case of any hikers, I took off running.
Speeding through the trees was always exhilarating; I could dodge the trees with ease, leap over roots and leaves, and the whole time, not feel as though my lungs were about to burst with over-exertion. I grinned to myself. I loved speed.
I burst through the trees into a small clearing. The trees ringed this circular clearing, the grass was springy and light, and the water in the stream running by would lead past our home further up its path. I had found this clearing by following that stream.
Flopping onto the grass, I relaxed for a few moments in my meadow. I loved it here; when it was sunny and bright in this town, I would come here for at least a few hours during the day. It was especially beautiful in the sunlight. I was here now, just to give myself a little more time alone before I returned home, to my family's questioning.
It was cloudy and rainy today. I sighed as I got up, preparing myself to hunt. I closed my eyes for an instant, savoring the last feelings of absolute control I had. Then slowly, I eased back. My instincts came forward, in turn urging my body on. My eyes snapped open and I darted out among the trees, my senses alert and sharp.
I headed uphill through the forest, sensing my target moving serenely in front of me. A wolf, sauntering through his land: a predator, like I was. But I was in a completely different league than a mere wolf.
It could sense me coming, aware of a vampire approaching as every creature is – even humans were wary, though they didn't know why. Animals were still in touch enough with their primal senses to know why they were afraid of us. Humans and animals shied away instinctively.
Overtaking it, I was drinking thirstily from the creature before it could cry out. The monster inside of me growled, roared, as the filling blood poured down my throat, momentarily quenching the thirst, although it wouldn't be for long. It would take four wolves to fill me, and there weren't many in this forest.
I destroyed the body of the dried wolf, giving myself a quick glance to make sure the blood hadn't gotten on me; a habit, as I hadn't spilled the blood of my victims since the first few times of hunting. Every drop spilled was wasted when not consumed; vampires quickly harnessed the ability to keep ourselves from making too much of a mess during feeding out of the lust for blood that sustained us.
I hunted quickly, my mind occupied with plans. I would go back to my family, go back to the school, and…what? What to do about the human girl…I could ignore her. But then she might seek out the reason for my introverted ways. I could talk to her; like Alice had said, knowing about the human as a person, living and breathing and with life, could help instigate the mind against killing them.
That could work, I decided as I ran back to the car after drinking enough for right then. I would talk to her in - what class was it? Biology - I would talk to her in the Biology class we shared. Maybe then I would be able to unravel some of her mind, as well, I mused. Being unable to hear her thoughts was very perplexing.
I had to give a small smile as the car drove up the path to our home and I parked; I could hear Alice's thoughts from the car. Edward, you're back! I knew you wouldn't be gone for long!
She was the first out the door, the worry on her face from the last time I'd seen her cleared away in her happiness for our family to be whole again. I gave her a tight, tense grin, but she knew I was happy to see her anyways.
I couldn't catch Bella's scent at our home, but it was probable that going anywhere nearer to town, I would catch her scent. I dreaded what might occur if I lost control around her, and tried to remind myself that I had just hunted. I should be able to control myself better now.
Esme's not happy with you, by the way, Jasper warned me as he walked up behind Alice. Standing by the front door, I had uncertainly half-returned Alice's welcoming hug, genuinely happy to be back as well. I gave Jasper a handshake, knowing that he wasn't as completely attached to the family as the rest of us were. And I didn't like hugging anyone, period. Even spunky Alice.
I nodded to Jasper. I had expected as much. I followed Alice back into the house as he came after us. Alice gave me a grin and thought, I only told Jasper you were coming back when I got the vision yesterday. I thought it would be a nice surprise for the others.
I sighed, my face staying straight naturally instead of curving into a grin as I felt like it should. I had never been one for expressing emotions, other than the irrevocable ability of Jasper's to sense them; I wasn't a laughing, open 'person', as my family knew.
Instead, I was the recluse, the detached one. Even Jasper was sometimes surprised at how dispassionate I could be – or rather, made myself be. I answered Alice, "You know, I wish you would have simply told them I was coming back."
She laughed. "But it's fun to have a little secret every now and then, especially when you're not around!" I think this just might be the first time I knew something that no one else except Jasper knew! I really liked it – but I'm happier that you're home. We missed you.
I didn't have the opportunity to respond, as when Jasper had closed the door, I heard the thoughts of my family, upstairs in their respective rooms.
Edward? He's back? My voice had carried right upstairs.
The four members of my family not present downstairs thought the same thing simultaneously. My ears caught the silent noise of the four rushing down the stairs: I was prepared as Esme plunged straight towards me.
My mother – in every sense that truly mattered – would have had tears of joy in her eyes, could we cry. I awkwardly tried to return her hug, holding her close with one arm while the other dangled awkwardly by my side; I really wasn't much of a hugging person.
Her thoughts zipped by rapidly, but I felt a pang of sadness as she relieved her worry, fear, and concern for me. "Really, Esme, I'm fine." I told her as the hug stretched on and I began to feel a twinge of annoyance that she wasn't letting go. She finally released her hold and glared at me, her hands gripping my forearms.
"Why did you leave without saying goodbye, or I'll be back later, or…or anything!" I was worried sick about you! About what could have happened to you! I winced. Now she was mad - visions of Volturi or other vampires finding me and tearing me to shreds ripped through her mind.
I released myself smoothly from her grasp as I replied, "I had to go." My eyes flickered over to Alice. "Didn't you tell them the vision?" A current of unease spread through me before Jasper took it away; I didn't want to explain everything, and if she had told them the vision, then it would be a bit easier to clarify.
Rosalie sniffed haughtily. "Edward, she told us a vision about you killing some human. No specifics or anything." She said it was your duty to tell us. And after he heard that, Carlisle wouldn't say anything, either. But I don't think he knew much of anything about this specific Edward moment…
I groaned and rolled my eyes in annoyance. Now everything would have to be explained. Emmett shifted from foot to foot. "Why did you leave, Edward? Would you have killed this…person if you'd stayed? In fact," he eyed me carefully. "Who was it you were going to kill?" I never would have thought Edward would kill anyone, or be urged to so strongly. He has so much control - nearly Carlisle control. And after his 'leaving Carlisle' experience…
I grimaced at that particular memory, crossing my arms and glaring at the ground at Emmett's thoughts – and what I had to tell them. "The new student…"
Emmett's eyes widened. "The Swan girl? Isabelle, was it?" You were talking about her at lunch; did she guess something? Should we have done something about her while you were away?
I kept my eyes down. "Isabella," I corrected automatically. "And no, she did not guess anything about our family." I tightened my mouth, feeling my anger bubble underneath the surface. No, she hadn't guessed – she'd just nearly been shown first-hand what we were.
I couldn't talk about this right now; being here, hearing their minds again, was making me recount my memories of what happened that day. "I will tell you more later. Right now, I can't." I kept my tone calm with force.
I looked up, enclosing myself again although Jasper could feel what I felt. Confusion, anger, and worry – all about the Swan girl. Edward, whatever's wrong, you know that you'll need to talk about it sooner or later, preferably sooner. Can't we at least know if she's a possible problem?
Rosalie's nostrils flared and she interrupted me before I could answer Jasper. "Why? If this human," she sneered, " is a danger, why will you not tell us anything?" Should we take care of her, Edward? I'm not letting my life be destroyed.
I glared at her: the protective feeling I'd had of this Isabella when Jessica's poisonous thoughts had targeted her rose again, this time at the thought of her being a danger - or in danger. It also didn't help that Rosalie's thought about 'her life' was self-centered – again, as always.
"She doesn't pose any threat to the family. I just need to figure something out. I might tell you, later." I bit out, knowing my eyes were steadily growing darker even though I had just fed that day.
Without waiting, I dashed as fast as I could past them, was in my room before they truly comprehended what was happening. I heard their confused thoughts, their worry, behind me, but I felt…at best, I suppose it could be said that I felt completely, utterly bemused.
Two days after I had come home, and I had still not left my room. I paced along the floor, going through thoughts like wildfire – they were stuck in a vicious cycle. I knew that my actions bothered my family, for they did not know what was wrong. But I could not talk about what was troubling me aloud. It just wasn't me.
I was in my room, but I did not turn on the music. Pacing carefully across the floor, I tried to sort out my feelings, my frustrations. First in my mind at the moment, most recent, was the protective impulse I'd had when Rosalie was unintentionally provoking me.
It made no sense for me to feel this way about an unimportant human girl. Then again, it might be because of the scent attraction; if I was determined not to hurt her by drinking that sweet blood, then maybe the protectiveness was melding into the desire not to hurt her.
Yes, I rationalized, that could be it. If I were so determined not to hurt her myself, then why would I want anything else to hurt her either? Yet the confusion was still there; had I not felt protective of this Bella before I caught her scent? But that was because she seemed weaker than her peers. Yes, and that would also help enforce the protectiveness I felt now. And yet, doubts lingered that had no name.
One matter pushed was pushed away, but many more were still waiting; for instance, her blood itself. What was the problem with me? For it could not be her, not possibly: she was simply a human girl. Why would she be different? It must have been my hunger that day, after not feeding. She had walked into an air vent…
I knew this couldn't be true. There was no point in fooling myself: her blood was magnificent, amazing. The scent…one again, I felt the hunger well up at the mere thought of it. Something about her was certainly different. I had never imagined a scent could be so wonderful as hers. It still lingered in my mind…
There was also her mind to contend with. The impenetrable mind of this human girl was strange, alien, to me. I had never encountered this before; there had never been a mind I could not hear. To have nothing in front of me from this human was too new, too different.
…wonder what he'll think about this. Imagine, us on a peace mission to the great reclusive Edward. He'll probably kick us out…
…wish Emmett would relax a bit. Edward, since you can hear me, we're just wondering what's wrong. Something is wrong, don't deny it, I can feel a multitude of emotions coming off of you; confusion, disgust, fear, and frustration, to name a few…
I paced even as Emmett and Jasper entered my room and took seats on my couch. My mind kept going; how could I not read her mind? What made her different? Did her scent have something to do with it? What made me so eager to protect her from…well, anything?
Recalling the scent again, the pang of now-familiar hunger raced through me; every time I thought of the scent, remembered the tang of her blood, my mouth grew parched at it. Merely the thought of her blood made me thirsty! How was this possible? I had to admit it now: I needed help.
Help was here and I took the first shot at it that was easily accessible. I finally acknowledged the presence of my brothers, although I kept pacing as I had for the past two days straight. "Have you ever smelled blood incredibly sweet before?" I suddenly asked.
I caught them by surprise. No one knew why I was bothered, and now I was starting to talk, and ask for assistance in my problems. It was practically unheard of for me to ask for help. I knew everyone could hear – vampire hearing – but I didn't care. It was bothering me, and I needed to know if someone I could relate to had ever faced this before.
Jasper was confused by my question, as was Emmett. I clarified it, unwilling to look at either of them as I kept pacing. "Have you ever caught a blood scent that was so…strong, like it was unparalleled? A scent…" I frowned, trying to voice my thoughts aloud.
"A scent that is stronger than any you have ever smelled before, so strong that any other seems weak compared to it. Even if it were open and bleeding out in front of you, the strong scent of that particular blood…called you, stronger than flowing blood?" That seemed like the best way to describe it, even though I had to wonder if it would actually be true.
Open wounds were hard to resist, and the scent of her blood was so strong, I doubted non-congealing blood on an open wound would be as appealing as hers. I stopped pacing as I voiced this and stood still in front of them, watching intently.
Jasper spoke first, almost as soon as I'd finished talking. "No, I don't think I've ever caught the scent of anything that irresistible." He met my eyes. So is that the reason behind the pangs thirst you kept going through, when you were thinking up here for the past two days? I simply nodded to him, and he sighed as he got up.
"Well, I can't help you Edward, and you know that better than I do. I'm going to go calm down Esme, but you can probably tell she's starting to panic about whatever she's thinking about." He left silently after that. I do hope that you'll be able to keep yourself from hurting this girl... Oddly enough, that was what Esme was worrying about.
I turned back to Emmett, who was thinking so fast it was hard to keep track of. I simply faded the sound to a buzz and waited for him to speak. He met my eyes with a look of sad acceptance, as though he knew what I had felt and what would be happening. "Well, I've smelled blood that's incredibly strong before, too," he started slowly. "It's that sweet, yet bitter, scent that is nearly impossible to resist."
I nodded tightly, waiting for the answer I knew he was reaching but not wanting it to be true. "Well, that has happened twice with me. When I was less experienced, and not in control as well as I've gotten to be." My chest felt tightly constricted.
I met his eyes, wanting desperately for it not to be true. The 'voices' of my family were listening in the same horror; Emmett had only killed two humans in his time as a vampire, an incredible feat in my opinion, compared to my track record.
But the matching numbers were ominous, and we all knew that I never wanted to take another human life.
His eyes held the sad truth and he let out a half laugh. "Well, it wasn't resistible. If the scent is that strong to you, then I'm sorry Edward, but it's not easy to fight. You might not be able to for long." You've already made it so much further than I - only a few minutes I was able to hold out, then bam! We're moving again.
Emmett was warning me that it was not possible, but it had to be possible, or even probable, that I could resist the draw of her blood. I could not kill another human, especially not her. What?
Why especially not her? That feeling, that strange, foreign emotion, had welled up in me again. I shoved it away, frustrated, as I thought of her scent again. The thirst masked everything else.
I felt the pain twist inside me, show on my face. I grimaced and resumed pacing for a few steps, trying to block the family's voices. They were all worried about me, wondering if I would be all right.
I couldn't explain the nauseous feeling that twisted in my stomach at the thought of killing Bella; it was stronger than the sickening feeling that overtook me at the thought of killing any human in general.
I muttered, "Thank you, Emmett," as I stopped pacing. Running a hand through my hair distractedly, I mumbled to myself, "I have to go hunting."
Emmett frowned at me. "Why? I know you went three days ago, your eyes are lighter." Do you want me to come?
I smiled thinly. "Well, I'm still hungry and if I'm not going to eat the Swan girl in Biology on Monday, then I should get something to eat." In response to his raised eyebrows, I tightened my jaw and said, "Precautions…and yes, I would like you to come."
He nodded and directed to me mentally, I do hope you succeed where I failed. I can't imagine how hard it was to resist for the whole class…God you have control…
I twisted one side of my mouth up wryly. "So do I." I wasn't about to admit how painful it really had been for me, however, or else everyone else would hear the words: after that, I could only imagine what they'd think and worry about.
Emmett snorted and whacked my shoulder with his fist as we walked out of my room. "Ha, ha, Edward." Let's run, Eddie! I growled at his use of my least favorite nickname, and he smiled, running ahead so I had to chase him in order to get my revenge. In the form of a wrestling match, of course.
I was relieved to leave all the worried thoughts of my family behind as we headed off to hunt. They thought I would strain myself, trying not to kill Bella. I nearly laughed aloud, confidence sweeping me up in a sudden shock of hope.
I would control my instincts around her. I would not, could not, become a monster, any more than I already was. Taking her life would surely be a monstrous act. I refused to be a monster – and in that decision, I was assured that I could control myself.
Yet the sweet scent, remembered almost distantly, somehow called to me even now as I hunted with Emmett in the forest.
A/N- I hope that I have captured, basically, the essence of Edward for you to read. I like to think that I have a good understanding of his mind, though not being Stephenie Meyer, who am I to know?
Thanks for reading!