By L.M. Boulevardes
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender
Azula's Point of View
My father once said that I was born lucky and that my brother was lucky to be born. I always saw it rather the opposite. I was unlucky to be born, but Zuko was born lucky.
When I said that once to Mai and Ty Lee, they assumed it was because he was first in line for the throne being both older and male. The older part I didn't care about. The male part I did envy, very much.
When people saw that I could bend blue lightening, they marveled and cheered. A natural born prodigy, they called me. I remember the joy I felt when during balls, when Zuko was sent to bed and I was kept up late, bending and showing off for the nobles attending. My father started giving me private training sessions, which I basked in. I wanted attention, but it was hard to come by at times. I was the younger daughter – worthless.
The training sessions with my father were my favorite part of the day. I remember the hunger that haunted his eyes as he looked at me. He'd ruffle my hair and tell me how many battles I would dominate, how many suitors would be begging for my hand. My father was a man who was used to getting what he wanted, no matter what the cost. I was so stupid as a child; it never even occurred to me that he would turn his hunger on me.
What had started as innocent training sessions quickly turned to my nightmares. What people saw was a young girl being carefully taught to hate everyone her father did and fight all his battles. They saw malice, arrogance, greed. They did not see the overwhelming fear. No one was around for that fateful training session that started so innocently and ended with his hand between my shaking legs.
"Feel the pleasure of the battle, Azula," he'd sneer in my hair. His body would press against mine so I felt something hard prodding into my lower back. When I learned what it meant, I promptly threw up. Worse was when I learned Ty Lee and Mai didn't face this, that I was alone. The most horrible part was knowing there was nothing I could do. My father was the most powerful person around.
Every night since then I've woken up at least once in the night screaming from the nightmares. That day was just the start of something much worse. Only a year later he started to rape me.
I remember that night too, when he came in drunk and I shied away from him. This was the night after the Agni Kai, I time I never felt so alone. My mother had been missing for years; my brother could not make himself useful and so up at a good time. I was never so abandoned and scared. I watched the moon over his shoulder as he raped me, trying to ignore the horrible pain of being torn apart from the inside out. I watched the moon and wished I could have been born a water bender, that I wasn't so helpless.
He filled me and I never felt so empty and hollow. The sticky secretion stained me, I've never felt like I truly washed everything away. When he finally left, I laid in my bed and watched the blood of bites stain my white skin in varying shades of red, brown and pink. It smelled like rust, salt and copper. It was sticky and warm between my legs, seeming to burn me at times. I could not find the strength to scream; I was left gaping there like a fish, silently bleeding.
A year after that, after so many countless rapes he released me to finish my brother's job and find the Avatar. What my father doesn't know is that I'm herding the Avatar to our weak spots, that I am giving away the secrets. What my father doesn't know is that I don't plan to capture my brother, my uncle, or the Avatar and his friends. I fight in my father's style so the Avatar will know how to defeat him. What no one knows is that every night I pray to Agni that the Avatar will win.