Here I am with my second story! Ok, it's a oneshot, but I don't care! It was fun to write. Don't you just love dreams? This story was inspired by a dream, but I'll talk more about it after the story. So, without further adu, I give you Inkpot Paradox!
Edit 6-23-10: Whoa, there were some issues here! I wish someone had mentioned the weird formatting, but then again maybe it only changed recently…
Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High. If I did, there would be a very obvious lack of Kyouya and Mori, because I would have kidnapped them.
Dust. Dust. Dust.
Scurrying around in a mad dash to clean the summer cottage's dining hall before it opened for breakfast, Fujioka Haruhi held an overly fluffy feather dusted in a death grip. She ran from one place to another, ridding everything in sight of allergy inducing particles, from the tables, to the piano and the two desks in opposite corners of the room.
Haruhi paused in her dusting of the far desk, wondering why a dining room had a desk, two for that matter, and why both had an inkpot and feather pen sitting on them. She turned to retrieve a broom, but thought she saw something red out of the corner of her eye. But when she turned back to the desk, there was nothing there.
"Bet it was just my imagination...I've been spending too much time with the hosts and their red roses." Haruhi thought. Dropping the feather duster in a bucket of cleaning supplies, she grabbed the broom and began to sweep out the corner under the far desk.
Once again, Haruhi thought that she saw a red object, only this time it was shaped like an arrow...and hovering over the out-of-place inkpot. That rang a few bells in the girl's head that she couldn't identify, so she continued with her sweeping. If she had turned around again, she might have realized that there was indeed a red arrow over the inkpot, randomly blinking in and out of existence and growing bigger and smaller.
"Why me? The one place that I can get away from the Host Club, and I keep seeing things that remind me of their...insanity." Haruhi agonized, staring up at the ceiling.
Haruhi turned her head, still tilted up to the sky, towards the door. Multiple shadows moved outside the window, and hushed voices echoed in the front corridor off the dining hall.
The brunette approached the door cautiously, glancing at the clock to only to discover why it seemed so strange for there to be a knock on the door.
"Damn rich bastards..." Haruhi muttered, the clock reading that it was still half an hour before the cottage opened for the first day of the summer tourist season.
"IS ANYONE IN THERE?" a loud voice yelled at the window. It was strangely familiar, causing Haruhi to once again pause. She raised an eyebrow, and prepared to open the door with her best I'm-so-glad-you-could-come-but-I'd-really-rather-be-elsewhere smile...
...only to have said smile fall right off her face when she actually opened to door, seeing the last people she wanted to see at that time, minus one.
"HARUHI! It's alright, daddy's found you!"
Before Haruhi could react, she was smothered in the vice-like hug of the Host Club's king, Suoh Tamaki.
"...I wasn't lost, baka." Haruhi said while struggling to free herself. Tamaki's left eye twitched, and in a flash he was curled up in the fetal position in the corner, growing mushrooms while muttering to himself forlornly.
"If Baka King is here, then that means..." Haruhi slowly turned back towards the door (she had somehow gotten turned around in Tamaki's psycho hug) and nearly groaned when she saw more people, and Hunny waving at her.
"Haru-chan! We came to visit you at work!" the loli-shota exclaimed happily from the ever stoic Mori's shoulders.
"Hi Hunny-senpai, Mori-senpai. How are you?" Haruhi asked, approaching the cousins. Mori nodded with an ever-so-slight smile, and Hunny nearly fell off of Mori's shoulders bouncing up and down happily.
"Great Haru-chan! Do you want to eat cake with me?"
"Sorry Hunny-senpai, I have to work." Haruhi said, then turned her attention back to the door.
". . ." the Host Club's daughter experienced an extremely violent twitch in her left eye, followed by another, and another, and lastly, one in her right eye. The boy in front of her was a mismatch, and incredibly angry looking. He had either dark brown or black eyes, it was hard to tell because of his glasses (and really infuriated expression). His hair was a vibrant red-orange, falling into his eyes messily. Plain blue jeans and a black t-shirt graced his frame, and a laptop case and clipboard loaded with papers was clutched under his right arm.
The red-haired boy stepped inside and stood there, steam almost literally pouring out of his ears. After him came the infamous Hitachiin twins, giggling and whispering to each other, periodically glancing at the red-haired boy and laughing outright. This seemed to fuel his rage more. His eyes clearly showed that at that moment, he would have given everything to strangle the twins with the strap on his laptop case.
Everyone was accounted for, except there was that red-haired boy and someone else...
"...Where's Kyouya?" Haruhi asked cautiously. The Hitachiin laughed even harder at this, and Hikaru raised a finger, only to have it pushed back to his side by Kaoru. Red (as Haruhi was starting to think of the boy) growled, his upper lip raising slightly as he sent a death glare at Hikaru.
"Haru-chan, Kaoru and Hikaru were being naughty again!" Hunny yelled from atop his perch. Mori nodded and looked at Red with sympathy in his eyes, then turned his attention back to the boy on his shoulders.
"Mituskuni, are you hungry?" Mori asked the smaller boy, who nodded. Both were quickly gone to find sweets for the loli-shota.
Haruhi turned back to the twins, watching them laugh and point at Red. There was something vaguely familiar about him...
...his stare could freeze a normal person's soul...
...there was a calculating look in his eyes...
...he clutched that laptop like it was the only thing between him and the apocalypse...
...at times his face was a perfect mask, but at others it looked like the epiphany of Vesuvius...
And that's when it hit her. The twins were laughing at Red because of how he looked, because they knew what his normal appearance was. They were laughing because the Ouran High School Host Club's Shadow King currently had bright. Red. Hair.
Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.
It was all Haruhi could do not to turn around and walk away. There was no way that Kyouya had willingly dyed his hair red, and with the look on his face, it was more likely that he was tied down with a couple hundred feet of rope and a few rolls of duct tape. Or...
"Hikaru, Kaoru, what in the HELL did you two do to Kyouya?" Haruhi asked the offending twins. They shrank from her gaze for a fraction of a moment, and then latched themselves to her, one on each arm.
"It's his own fault, you know,"
"He should have just helped us out,"
"Because then he wouldn't look like that,"
"And we would have a new outfit to sell."
Hikaru and Kaoru took turns speaking, starting with Kaoru. Kyouya became more agitated with every statement, and was just about to drop his precious laptop and kill the source of his torment when Haruhi intervened. She wiggled out of the Hitachiin's grasp and spun to face them, grabbing Kyouya's shirt and dragging him next to her.
"Ok, explain WHY he looks like THIS." The brunette pointed at Kyouya's hair with each emphasized word as he stood there like a limp doll, obviously wishing that he were anywhere but there.
"Well..." the twins exchanged sneaky glances, then started into their tale.
"Kyouyaaaa." Kaoru whined, causing the stoic Shadow King to flinch and turn.
"Yes, Hikaru?" Kyouya responded, adjusting his glasses to rest securely on the bridge of his nose.
"It's Kaoru. Unless you want to play the 'Which one is Hikaru game'."
Twitch. Only this time, it was Kyouya's turn.
"No, I'd rather not, thank you. And why are you whining at me?"
"Because. Haruhi-chan isn't here, so Hikaru and I were wondering..."
POP! Hikaru popped up, though from where it would always be uncertain.
"If you'd let us use you as a model for a suit we designed." Hikaru finished for his younger brother.
"No." Kyouya answered promptly and went back to typing away on his laptop.
"Why?" the twins asked in unison.
". . ." Kyouya paused in his typing for a moment, then continued on.
"Oh come on, it's not like we're gonna hurt you,"
"And besides, we haven't ever had a boy to dress up before!"
After finishing their little 'it takes two to say a sentence' session, both boys swung their arms around Kyouya's shoulders and began to drag him backwards out of his chair. But the Shadow King had other ideas...
Kyouya grabbed onto the table his laptop was occupying for leverage and stood up, startling the twins into letting go of him. He grabbed his laptop and strode towards the door, but before he left, he turned and smiled evilly.
"Have a nice day, Hitachiin."
The twins exchanged glances and frowned.
"That didn't work, did it, Hikaru?" Kaoru asked his brother. Hikaru slowly gained a sneaky grin, followed by a malicious glint in his eyes. He threw his arm over Kaoru's shoulder and turned so they were face to face.
"Don't worry, Kaoru, I have a plan." Hikaru said with a maniacal laugh.
TWO DAYS LATER
Kyouya stepped into the shower, rushing to get to his summer business lessons on time. He grabbed his shampoo and poured it in his hand, not bothering to look at it before rubbing it into his black hair. He quickly covered himself in soap and rinsed, jumping out of the shower again and drying off. He did all this without his glasses, including getting dressed in a black business suit and blue tie.
Kyouya's glasses were sitting on his dresser by the mirror. He picked them up and expertly placed them on his nose, then turned to grab his things...only to see his reflection in said polished piece of glass.
"Oh...HELL NO!" the boy yelled, leaning closer to the mirror and staring at his hair wide-eyed. Tentatively, he pulled on a few strands, only to realize that they were real. His once black hair was a vibrant red, making him resemble a clown. A VERY angry clown.
"What am I going to do? If I go to my lessons like this, there will be no more respect for Ootori Kyouya, just a whole shitload of laughter. What to do...what to do..." Kyouya leaned on his dresser, his fists clenched tight. An idea was starting to form in his mind, and he quickly set it into action.
"Maid? Could you get me some black hair dye?" Kyouya asked into the phone, waiting for a reply. It came; only, it wasn't exactly what the Shadow King had expected.
"Sir, if you don't mind me asking, why in the world do you need black hair dye?"
Sigh. "I suspect that a certain set of twins messed with my soap as a form of childish revenge. I currently resemble the two of them, in a way..." Kyouya trailed off, once again staring at his reflection in the mirror. He heard the maid giggle on the other end of the line.
"I'll get some, though it might take a bit of time."
"Thank you." Kyouya hung up and sat on his couch, thinking up all sorts of ways to get back at the Hitachiin twins. There was only one problem...how did they turn his shampoo into clown soap? Kyouya stood back up and went to the window. It was open, as he suspected it would be, and had a long rope hanging out of it, attached to the window sill with a grappling hook.
"Where were the guards when they did this? And how did they not wake me up?" 'Red' followed two sets of muddy footprints to the bathroom, amazed that he didn't notice them earlier. That would have saved him a whole world of trouble.
Kyouya was thoroughly ticked off by then. He fell over on his couch, staring at the ceiling as his eye twitched. The Hitachiin twins had been in his room. At night. WHILE he was asleep, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants. They would never have missed an opportunity like that, and they probably had a few hundred pictures of him.
"Come in if you must, otherwise just slip the dye under the door." Kyouya grumbled, still lying on the couch. He had changed out off his suit into a black t-shirt and jeans, fearing that the hair dye would ruin his first outfit.
"Sorry Sir, there wasn't any more...oh God, you look like a clown..." the maid stopped half way into the room, staring at Kyouya's new hair color.
"I'd prefer if you didn't stare at me, though I have to agree with your last statement." Kyouya said firmly, masking his anger perfectly in an uncaring tone.
"S-sir, there wasn't any more black hair dye at the store." The maid looked over at the wall, praying that she wouldn't incur her young master's wrath.
"Did you check the other store?"
"Y-yes, but there wasn't any there either."
"Tell me, did you check everywhere for black hair dye and there was none, is that what you are trying to imply?" Kyouya pushed himself into a sitting position on the couch, looking at the maid. His eyes betrayed his anger, both at the twins and at the stores.
"Yes s-sir. There is no black hair dye. Every store is sold out." The maid gulped and shuffled her feet, staring at the floor.
Kyouya sighed. This was definitely going to be a looooong day.
"Tamaki, we have a problem." Kyouya once again spoke into the phone. He ran a hand through his red hair, secretly praying that everything was just a horrible dream.
"What is it, Kyouya? You sound...not happy." Tamaki answered, sprawled on the floor in his room.
"I'll give you a hint. It has two heads, two bodies, and a very large appetite for revenge."
". . ." Tamaki raised an eyebrow in thought. "The twins did something again."
"Correct. Wow Tamaki, I never took you to be that clever. Now, can you guess what they did?" Kyouya smiled slightly, though it wasn't a good smile...
"They broke your laptop?"
"They stole your laptop."
"They photo-shopped another picture of my daughter?"
"They tried to find my daughter and you wouldn't tell them her location, so they kidnapped your father."
"...No...Tamaki, why is it that everything you just said had something to do with either my laptop or Haruhi?"
"Haruhi isn't part of it?" a frown was evident in the King's voice.
"In a way she is...only because if she was here, I wouldn't be in this mess."
"Did they start harassing you?"
A twitch and a long pause. "NO. Those two idiots dyed my hair RED!"
Tamaki laughed on the other end. Clearly, he had a pretty good idea of what Kyouya would look like with red hair, or he didn't believe him.
"No really, what did they do?" It was the second, apparently.
"I just told you Tamaki, they dyed my hair red by infusing my shampoo with something."
Tamaki paused for a moment. "Why would they do that? Their usual pranks aren't that mean."
"I wouldn't be their male mannequin."
Giggle. "Male mannequin?"
"Don't you laugh at me Tamaki; I could easily send over my private army." Tamaki stopped laughing immediately. Kyouya almost chuckled as he heard his friend gulp.
"There's an easy solution for this, Kyouya."
"And what would that be?"
"Dye your hair black again."
Kyouya sighed and fell over on the couch, the phone cord stretched to its limit.
"Every store within a 10 mile radius is out of black hair dye, I checked myself."
"Did you check an 11 mile radius?" Tamaki asked playfully.
"Tamaki..." Threatened Kyouya.
"Hehehe, how about I call Mori-senpai?"
"Why would you do that?"
"He might have some black hair dye. I'll call you back in a few minutes. Bye!" Tamaki hung up, leaving Kyouya in a disgruntled state.
"I'm gonna kill that guy one of these days, and then bring him back to clean up the blood."
Fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on Kyouya's door.
"Ootori, are you in there?" a deep male voice asked from the hall.
"Yes, what is it?" Kyouya answered, by this time sprawled on the floor with his laptop, typing out a foolproof plan for revenge.
"You have guests here to see you."
Kyouya sighed and saved his work, then shut his computer off.
"Send them in." he said.
"...to your quarters?" the man at the door asked in confusion.
"Yes, to my quarters. I will not be leaving until they arrive, and only if they bring the necessary items."
"As you wish, master, I'll send them up." The man left, muttering about how strange the 'master' was acting.
"Great, just great. Baka King just had to go and tell everyone, and now they all get to see me and my red hair...maybe I will kill him today. And then the twins can clean up the blood." Kyouya contemplated.
The door burst open and silence filled the room.
There was a gasp, then a cough and choking noise. These were followed by two identical giggles, a loud laugh and a childish voice asking, "Who is that Takashi?"
"If any of you say one word, I will personally kill you." Kyouya said. He looked up at the intruders, a slight smile spreading across his face as he took in the scene before him.
Tamaki stood inside Kyouya's room to one side of the door, while Mori, with Hunny on his shoulders, stood in the frame, Kaoru and Hikaru held captive by the backs of their shirts that were gripped by Mori's hands.
"Takashi, who is that? He looks kinda like Kaoru and Hikaru, doesn't he?" Hunny asked, glancing back and forth between the twins and Kyouya.
"Hello, Hunny-senpai." Kyouya said and rested his head back on the floor. Hunny gasped and tried to clamber down from his perch.
"Kyouya, you're Hika and Kaoru's brother?" Honey tipped over till his head was level with Mori's blank face, trying to get a good look at Kyouya.
"No, I am not related to the baka twins. In fact, it's their fault that I resemble them so closely." Kyouya said, his voice muffled by the floor.
"What did they do?" Concern laced the loli-shota's voice.
"I'm not quite sure, why don't we ask them? Kaoru, Hikaru, what did you two do to my hair?" Kyouya looked up at the twins pointedly, smiling slightly at their frightened faces. Then again, it was a bit hard to be frightened of a red haired boy lying on the floor...unless you knew that he had his own private police force to command at will.
Hikaru took charge standing up as straight as he could with Mori gripping the back of his blue tank top.
"It's your fault, you know, it would have been so simple to just be our model for a few hours,"
"But you didn't want to, so we had to teach you a lesson that you wouldn't forget,"
"That you never underestimate the Hitachiin twins,"
"Or you'll regret it." Kaoru finished, linking arms with his older brother.
Kyouya picked himself up, brushed invisible dust from his black t-shirt, and grinned maliciously at the twins.
"So, I suppose that you also prevented me from returning my hair to its natural state, is that correct?" Kyouya took a step towards the other Hosts. The twins tried to take a step back, but were stopped by both Mori and his fists gripping handfuls of their shirts.
"Of course not, why would we do that?" Kaoru said nervously. Kyouya sent him a death smile/glare.
"Ok, ok, we bought out all of the black hair dye in the stores around here to keep you from going back to normal as if nothing happened. But, we will give you some, if you agree to work with us." Hikaru said with a grin.
"No. I will not help you with your little clothing projects, that's Haruhi's job." Kyouya answered and sat on the couch. He motioned for the others to join him, which they did willingly. Tamaki sat in the armchair, while Mori occupied the far couch with a twin on each side and Hunny on his shoulders, as usual.
"But she's not here!" Kaoru whined.
"That is not my problem. My problem is this hair of mine, and figuring out how you got into my room last night." Kyouya leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes.
"How about this. If you tell us where Haruhi is, then we'll use her for a model and let you off the hook. We'll also give you hair dye. That sound good, Kyouya-senpai?" Hikaru leaned back also.
"Alright. But there is one more condition."
"What is that?"
"How in the hell did you two get into my room last night?"
"That's not a condition, that's a question!" Tamaki blurted in, getting a few raised eyebrow stares from the others present.
"It is a condition, when the question is so that I know how they got in; so that I can make sure that my guards are updated on their...guarding skills. I do not like the idea of these two buffoons," here he pointed over at the twins, his eyes still closed, "being in my room while I am sleeping."
"I don't think that anyone would like that thought." Mori said in monotone. Kyouya cracked one eye open and looked at the senior, smiling slightly.
"No, I believe that they wouldn't, Mori-senpai." Kyouya said. Mori nodded and lifted Hunny off his shoulders and set him on the couch next to him. "Well, are you two answer my question or not?"
"Did you know that Kaoru and I made camouflage clothing a few years ago...?"
"Ok...so you spiked his shampoo with red stuff. But why is he so angry still?" Haruhi asked skeptically, hoping that it had nothing to do with her, as this whole damn situation had so far.
"We were poking him while singing 'the wheels on the bus go round and round', a marvelous American song, on the way over here in Tamaki-senpai's limo. Do you know it, Haruhi?" Hikaru answered, moving to poke Kyouya again, but was stopped by what could only be called The Glare of Doom.
Kyouya growled and moved to grab the older Hitachiin's neck, but was pulled back by Haruhi, her hand still on his shirt.
"So I'm guessing that I have to model for you two as payment?" Haruhi glanced at the red haired twins, just then noticing the duffle bag in Kaoru's hand.
"It is you fault that Senpai looks like that, you know." Kaoru answered in a sing-song voice. Haruhi twitched.
"Heck no, not again. Not unless you tell me, no, show me what I have to model." Haruhi twisted around as the twins advanced on her, stopping when her back was to the dining hall. She realized that Kyouya was being dragged around and let go, the twins still going after her.
"Don't touch me, or else you're going to regret it." She threatened.
"What are you gonna do? Sic Tamaki on us?" Hikaru and Kaoru asked in unison, their long arms reaching out to grab Haruhi, but her back was to the door, no escape routes open.
A flame lit in Haruhi's eyes, one filled with mischief and malice.
"No, I'm going to sic my father on you."
It took only a few seconds for the two boys to realize that she meant her real father. The one that cross dressed and worked at a gay bar. The one that nearly killed Tamaki, and the one that was capable of scaring anyone, even Mori.
The current positions of the Hosts that remained in the front corridor were: Haruhi by the door, the twins in front of her, and Kyouya, looking very bored by the dining hall entrance. Haruhi noticed this first, only because she was the only one that could see Mori and Hunny, with sneaky grins on their faces (a real rarity in Mori), creeping up behind Kyouya. Mori clutched something in his hand, something small...
...and a bit like a jar...
No, that wasn't right; it was more like a tiny crystal pot.
"Oh no." was all that Haruhi got to think before Mori had poured the contents of the inkpot over Kyouya's head in an attempt to turn his hair black again.
"Did it work, Takashi?" Hunny asked, looking up at Kyouya with hopeful eyes.
Kyouya twitched, then turned to look at Mori in bewilderment.
"This is the last time I go to ANY of you with my problems. EVER AGAIN." Kyouya yelled.
Please r/r, it makes me happy. Thanks for reading!
The dream I had that made me write this was about 15 seconds long and made no sense. It started with Haruhi answering the door, and the hosts walking in. Then came Kyouya, who had red hair and looked pissed. Mori and Hunny snuck up on him (somehow everyone but Haruhi made it too the desk in the far corner) and poured ink on his head. Haruhi got ink on her hands and was trying to reach the others without getting ink everywhere, but it didn't go so well. And the whole dream was from Haruhi's point of view! Doesn't that sound fun? :D
PS: After I finished this, I reread it, and realized that it would be highly unlikely for there to be Host Club during the summer, and seeing as it was during the summer, at the Host Club that Kyouya turned down the Hitachiin's offer to be their mannequin, it seems that this whole thing makes no sense time wise. So please discredit all that, I'm far too lazy to go back and fix it right now. Anybahoozers, hope you liked it! -vanishes in a puff of smoke-