We're the chipmunks alvin simon theodore :P i am a chipmunk fear me

III. By popular demand...(Well, sort of) the REN TAO™ unit is here!

Thankyou for purchasing the REN™ unit. This unit can do all sorts of pathetic things, like:

Emptying your fridge of all its dairy products
Spearing people with his kwan dao and then slowly spit-roasting them and feeding them to the local strays. (He likes to pretend he's Jamie Oliver and an assassin in one.)

The baby REN TAO™ unit does not appreciate being told it has a girl's name, or any sort of physical contact. Oh, and it only drinks milk. If you attempt to feed it anything else (i.e. bananas) then the REN™ unit will throw it at the walls and yell. Any time you want it to shut the hell up and go to sleep, get a really big TV and use it to play REN™ a film of cows jumping over a fence.

Do not let the REN TAO™ unit get into close contact with any Westerners because he hates them (as stated in episode 33). He also enjoys getting into mega-arguments with the HOROKEU USUI™ unit and his favourite thing to do is drink milk and play with his punchbag. If you come home to find bits of stuffing all over wherever the REN™ unit might have been then he probably got really annoyed and ripped up his teddy.

The REN™ unit has pretty much made it clear he doesn't want a girlfriend, but if he moans about that then find him some pretty Chinese girl in skimpy clothes (not Jun) before he gets nasty. If you fiddle about with the switch on his back a bit, he might kiss you, or ask you what on earth you're doing and smack you leaving you lying on the sofa whimpering and clutching an icepack to the side of your face until the mark goes away.

REN™ also enjoys cosplaying, but he always wants to be Ed from Fullmetal Alchemist for some reason. Probably because they're both short and have bad tempers.

Your questions answered by Yours Truly, Akimi

Q. Why does the REN™ unit insist on eating nothing but meat and wake me up and 3am on a consistent basis by meowing outside my bedroom door?
A. He is suffering from delusions of Neko-ism. Take him to a psychiatrist...preferably a sexy one.

Q. My REN™ won't shut up about Horo Horo.
A. You must have been sent one of the Shonen-Ai version. Unless you like that sort of thing, you can send it back and we'll give you a normal one.

Q. Is the REN™ unit supposed to keep kissing the JUN™ unit.
A. Hmmmm...no.

Q. The REN™ unit is obsessed with Instant Messenger and won't get off the computer to let me look up hentai and play violent video games. What can I do?
A. Oh, leave him alone. He's just cutely discovering the electrical wonders of the 21st century.

Want to know what underwear size Ren takes so you can get him a birthday prezzy? Curious about what he keeps in that little box he won't let you look in? Call 1800-CHINESETAKEAWAY.