Here goes. The last chapter of Operation Orochi, and the conclusion of the A'E'P (Annoy Evil People) stories.
In Which Orochimaru Beats the Crap out of the Authoress
Orochimaru was laying happily on his bed. Sarai was gone, Sasuke was back to normal, and Kabuto worshipped him (but that's normal.)
And the reason for his happiness? Well, to put it short, he beat the crap out of the evil girl who put him through this whole ordeal. How you might ask?
-How The Authoress Got the Crap Beat out of Her-
So I was sitting at my desk, wondering how I was going to write this story when someone stole my powercord. And then I got up, walked to the Tech Support office at School (yes, I was at school) and bought a new one. Amazing, yes?
So I was writing when I realized that Orochimaru was starting to do his own stuff. Like, in my story. He was doing whatever he wanted. And I would write something. And he would change it. And that meant one thing: Sarai was in serious trouble. So then I groaned and thought, 'Why, oh why, did I have to write this?' So I, being the insane, deranged person that I am, slammed my head against the computer screen.
Instead of my head hurting a lot, and me yelling, "Oh FUCK that hurt! I'm a dumbass," my head actually… went into the computer. And then all hell broke loose. Just so you know, I'm Saira.
Saira blinked as she stared at her surroundings. She stood up, reaching her full 4 feet and 9 and 1 half inches (((yes, I'm 14 and I'm that short. Get over it!!! And don't laugh!)))
'Where the hell am I?' she thought blankly. The ominous woods were out of place – there were NO woods at home. Just a bunch of fields and cows and turkeys. A kunai whizzed out of nowhere and embedded itself extremely deep into a tree. 'Luckily for me, it was a tree, and not me. Oh fuck. There are NO kunais at home… oh shitshitshitshit…' (((I usually don't swear this much. But I think the situation calls for it.)))
And then, for the icing on the cake, Saraiyu Uzumaki popped out, hair disheveled and panting. She bent over, panting, for a moment, before straightening and staring at the short, Asian, four-eyed girl in front of her.
"Oh hey, Saira. Nice of you to drop in."
"Uh… no it isn't! I didn't write myself in here! I AM FUCKING HERE. OMFG I AM GOING TO DIE!!! NOOOOOO!" Sarai giggled and fell over laughing. Saira contented herself with sending the other girl a dark glare © the Uchihas (yes, it was copyright infringement! ZOMG!) , which only sent the Uzumaki further into hysterics.
And then the party was over as Orochimaru burst into the surroundings, purple with rage. Livid, he yelled incoherently at Sarai. "OMFGWTFWHYTHEHELLDIDYOUPOURICEINMY – ACHOO! - MATRESSIWASSOCOLDLASTNIGHTANDNOWIHAVEACOLDANDI – ACHOO! – ANDNOWITSALLYOURFAULTANDIHATE – ACHOO! – YOU!"
Saira stared. "Who-a-watta-whata-wuta?" She managed through her shock.
Orochimaru stared at her blankly. "Who are you?"
"Um… A goddess."
"Yea. The patron goddess of pranks, it just so happens." Saira grinned cheekily, before adding, "Good job, Sarai. I always knew you were a faithful worshipper." Sarai sent the Authoress a glare that held no true hatred. Just a lot of silliness.
"So you're immortal?" Orochimaru asked, eyes growing wide with excitement.
"Er… sort of. See, my brother (the god of Everything-That-Is-Evil) kind of stuck me in a… erm, mortal body. So… I kind of can die. But I'll only be sent back to the Divine Realms." Saira explained, as Sarai sent her a hand-message. Good job, bullshitting your way through an explanation. FYI Orochi-kun is... um, obessed with imorality.
Why thank you, Sarai. Saira responded, though the angle of Sarai's hands implied a great deal of sarcasm. And then she added, I'm not stupi -
But she was cut off as Orochimaru started stroking her and muttering, "Immortal... flesh! Immortal... flesh!!!" So, naturally, Saira jerked away with a disgusted look.
"So… all the pranks Saraiyu played… were inspired by you?" Orochimaru asked, pouting slightly at the fact that Saira looked like she wanted to take five hundred baths to get Orochimaru's germs off of her (which she did).
"Well, see," – 'Oh fuck. I didn't knows he was that smart.' – "Well, technically… um… I kind of orchestrated this whole thing. The Sarai-Annoying-Orochi-kun-Without-Getting-Killed thing, I mean… um, yeah."
Orochimaru smiled sadistically. Saira actually gulped.
So after Orochimaru gave me that ©Creepy Pedophile Grin, I sank into darkness. After the big, purple, icky tongue hit the back of my head quite painfully.
So where was I then? Well, I was tied up. Sitting on a chair, yes, my hands were tied behind the backrest, my ankles to two of the legs, and just a random rope around my tummy. It hurt. But I was sure that I would hurt a lot more by the time I managed to escape back into reality.
And first in came Kabuto. Fortunately, or unfortunately, he didn't see this as a "Beat-Up-the-Person-Who-Put-Me-Through-Hell-And-Back session. He saw it as a Whine&Complain session."
"WHY DOESN'T OROCHIMARU-SAMA ADMIT HIS LOVE FOR ME? I HEARD HIM WHEN HE WAS WITH DR. EMMA!" Kabuto wailed, throwing his hands up. Then he sat down calmly and pushed his glasses on his nose. And then he started ranting. "Idon'tseewhattheproblem withme is. I meanIloveOrochimaru-sama and I guesshelovesmetoo, but its all those Uchihasfaultbecauseheisinlovewith Sasuke now, andhelikedItachi-kun before andthatmakesmereallyreallysad can you writeaprettyscenewhenOrochimaru confesses hisloveforme, pleasepleaseplease???!"
I stared at him blankly for five minutes before what he said processed in my brain. "Ah. But I did! The one when Sarai and Sasuke found you sleeping in his bed!"
"Oh. Oh right! Arigato." And then he left.
The second-place winner for the Most-Emotionless-Bastard-Alive (first place was Itachi-kun.) Sasuke sauntered in, hands jammed into his pockets and an attitude that screamed 'DON'T BOTHER ME I'M TOO BUSY BROODING'.
"… You made me laugh. LAUGH. YOU MADE ME FREAKIN LAUGH! LAUGH. LAUGH. I LAUGHED. WTF WHERE YOU THINKING?" Yea, it wasn't his attitude who screamed that. It was HIM.
And that was all he could get out before some stray Winds pushe dhim back into his seat (courtesy of Sarai). So he resorted to sending me an ©Uchiha Death Glare.
"Um… because that was the joke? The usually Stick-Up-His-Ass-Stoic Uchiha Sasuke laughing… ?" I trailed off, hoping he would pick up the hint. And he did.
I learned this how?
He lunged at me, and grabbed my throat.
SASUKE! WTF GET THE HELL OFF OF HER! Sarai signed frantically to the rage-engulfed Uchiha.
NO! She insulted me! She made me laugh! Sasuke's signs had the hint of a whine.
Want some CHEESE with that WHINE? I signed mockingly. Sasuke glared, but removed his hands and stalked out of the room, most likely to go and brood in some dark, broody place.
And then Orochimaru walked in.
"Um, hi, Orochi-kun?"
"You. Goddess-girl" – (I love how he thought I was actually a goddess!) – "Why the fuck did you put me through the tortures that girl devised?!" he raged, his face livid by now.
I shrugged. "It was fu" –
"DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT WAS FUNNY, BECAUSE IT WAS NOT FUCKING FUNNY!" Orochi-kun screamed in my face. Wow, that guy has totally lost it. And then to push him even further, Dr. Emma materialized out of nowhere.
"Hey Saira-sama, Sarai." (1)
I grinned and waved.
"Oh! Oro-kuny! Hallo, dear child, are you feeling better?" Dr. Emma asked in a fake sympathetic tone.
"No." Orochi-chan pouted. "The mean Authoress-Goddess put me through TORTURE!"
"Well, at least she didn't put you in a tutu and make you dance to Barbie of Swan Lake." Dr. Emma commented with a ©A'E'P Insanity grin.
And then Orochimaru started beating the stuffing out of a fake Sarai, Saira, and Dr. Emma. Because Sasuke was nice, and helped us out with a Replacement Jutsu.
-END OF HOW THE AUTHORESS GOT THE CRAP BEAT OUT OF HER-
So this is the chapter in which Orochimaru beat the crap out of the Authoress. At least, that's what he thinks he did.
(1)I'd just like to poke fun at the Real Dr. Emma and tell her she called me –Sama!!!!
The End of the Series and Story!!!
I hoped you liked it, please review!