Hey all. Yup, another story. My other story? Still working on fixing up chapter two, and then post chapter three which I already have ready.nodsnods That chapter is causing problems...blah. I'm sick, too, and the last thing I wanna do is fix it. BUT I WILL. Just give me a while...x.X;
((yes, in this story, Kairi is emo again. Yayy...i love it when Kairi's emo.))
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters...if I did...wouldn't that rock?
hey guys. just editing some of these old chapters. i decided to keep my old annotations, not matter how lame they actually are. :S. ah well. it WAS two years ago that i started this...anyway. im going chapter by chapter. if you want to review, please feel free. these early chapter SUCK. well. at least to me. man, has my writing changed!
-Where Tear Drops Fall-
I remember the first day I started.
I remember I was in my bathroom, taking a cold shower in my school clothes. I remember how much I cried as the water beat down on my soaked outfit. I lay curled in a ball on the floor of the tiled shower. The glass around me was foggy, and I was unconsciously making traveling hand prints down the translucent glass.
I remember I was choking on the myriad of droplets of water that were falling from the brass showerhead. This was probably due to the jagged hiccups and sniffs that were forcing their way out of my body. I was trembling uncontrollably, like everything was breaking away.
Hot tears leaked out of my eyes and collaborated with the cold liquid that fell on my face. My hair was plastered vexingly, covering my already foggy sight.
The tiles were slippery, and the more I tried to muster enough strength to raise my self up, the more my arms slipped and buckled beneath me. I remember I would let out a screech whenever I fell on the hard floor again, and then exploded in more screaming sobs and bulleting tears.
I remember that as my blood-shot eyes slowly lay on the blue razor, the cold water suddenly began to sting again.
I crawled towards it, having trouble staying up on my knees from my intense shaking and bursts of sobs. I remember how I finally reached it, and stumbled when it slipped from my hands. For a brief moment I wondered whether I was being dramatic. I should have been telling myself I could get though it. That there were other ways. But my fingers were acting on their own accord. I was a powerless puppet dangling from the strings of insanity and heartache.
I picked it back up and leveled it with my eye. I tried to appease my sobs as I turned the cheap, plastic razor in my hand; the metal blade giving off a shiny luster. I finally sat against the wall, hardly noticing how wet my clothes clung, or how my toes tingled from cold. I tried to wipe away the water from my wrist and face and realized it made no difference either way. Still shaking, I held the razor in my right hand, and placed it on side of my wrist. I bit my lip; I used to do that a lot.
I remember how blank my mind was, like I was a robot. It seemed like it wasn't me who was doing this to myself, but like I was watching from afar.
And I had no control.
I pressed it against my tender skin, and slowly slid it across the side of my wrist. There was a piercing pain, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the blood that was seeping out of the surface of the wound, and then traveling down my arm, almost like the water itself. I liked the sight of my blood silently gushing out of my detriment…it was almost hypnotizing.
And I was almost scared. But once again, it seemed like it was out of my control…
I remember feeling a sudden wave of relief wash through my body, making me completely forget about the pain. I remember it felt so good, like an ultimate high that released all of my stress, all of my sadness…and drained it all away.
And all of my emotions went with it.
My violet eyes shot open as the morning bell echoed through the building; signifying first period breakfast was in half an hour. My eyes rolled around the dark room from under my quilt and sheets of auburn hair in exhaustion. My lips formed a straight line as I sat up in my bed, sheets pooling around my body.
My mind quickly flashed to the dream I had last night, making me want to feel that pleasure once more. I shook my head, trying to get rid of that intense want…just like I did every morning. I quietly cleared my throat.
It was the end of the month; meaning new patients were joining The Center.
The Center was really called "Destiny Rehabilitation for Troubled Boys and Girls", but "The Center" is easier to say. And by "troubled", they meant anorexics, druggies, bulimics, slashers, and depressed and anger management-ed teens.
Most of us, like me, were sent here against their will, while others come here on their own to seek guidance.
The Center had always been claimed to be one of the best rehabs in the country, and that's why some new recourse kids come and go during the turn of the month. Meaning, the current patients were expected to be at their 'best'.
Yeah right, like I give a fuck.
My eyes shot to the bed next to mine, where my roommate was groaning in her pillow.
Her name was Namine, and she was an anorexic patient here. (Like almost every other girl here…) But I never really talked to her. I never talked to anyone. I only talked when I needed to, and usually only in one or two words.
"I hate the turn of the month." I heard Namine growl into the bed, making it very hard to make out. "Don't you?"
I didn't know why she was asking me. We both knew I wasn't going to answer.
She just sighed and slowly made it out of her bed. She dragged her bare feet and wobbly ankles until she made it to the door, flipped the light switch on, and sluggishly made it to her wardrobe. I squinted my eyes in the light as the room finally focused to my sight.
I didn't particularly enjoy the milieu of the room; it was rather bland and un-ornate. There were two identical twin beds against opposite walls of the room, two plastic wardrobes, one small desk, and hardly any walking space. It almost seemed like a cubicle. There were no decorations allowed. This was because the owners didn't want anything to promote any 'unnecessary' behavior. There weren't even locks on the doors. Not to mention there were snoopy attendants guarding all of the hallways.
I grudgingly got out of bed and made my way toward my wardrobe, almost tripping on yesterday's shoes. I growled inwardly, and pulled a drawer with much force. It finally opened, no thanks to all of my un-kept clothes, which made it difficult to open and close.
I glanced over my shoulder at Namine, who was holding up two spotless outfits and leveling them to her face, deciding which to neatly fold away, and which to wear.
"Hey Kairi, what do you think about this one? Does it make me look fat?" Namine asked, half smiling and holding up the two Size 0's so I could see them.
Seriously, there was no way that girl could look fat. It looked like she was already petite and thin before she became anorexic.
So I just turned back around to my own wardrobe, trying to find a clean outfit. I heard a sigh from the girl.
"Hmmm…okay then. I pick…" she trailed off, obviously trying to decide which on to wear. "I choose this one!"
I looked over my shoulder again to see which one she chose. It was obviously white, just like all of her clothing. She claimed that white made her look thinner than black did. We turned our backs to each other as we slowly began to dress, not bothering to make the other promise not too look, we already went through this process every morning.
After we both were dressed, we walked out of the door, along with a bunch of other people. I always thought it was weird how the boys and girls dorms were mixed. You would think they would separate us like they do everywhere else. Regardless. I tried not to let details like these vex me too completely. I tended to over-think.
"Hey guys!" a familiar girl squeaked behind us. We didn't bother to look back.
"Hey Selphie." Namine replied tiredly, lacking any emotion. We both knew how excited Selphie got during the turn of the month.
Selphie was bulimic. It hardly showed though, she's been here for four months and was going to 'graduate' soon. This means she was going to leave us at the next turn of the month. I've been here for two months, and nobody seems to see any sign of recovery. Probably because I always refuse to talk in Therapy and one-on-one psychotherapy whenever I was assigned. They decided it wasn't worth it, and canceled the one-on-ones. So at least I don't have to deal with that anymore…
I'm not sure if that has ever occurred before. I didn't really pay attention, but sometimes I got the notion that I was some sort of legend here at the Center. People were generally scared of me. I didn't think I was that scary. But then again I wouldn't rather it any other way. I even get this notion from the attendants. Sometimes I hear them whisper about me when I walk by.
"Why aren't you guys EXCITED?" she questioned, with wide green eyes shining. She jumped in between us and rested her elbows on our shoulders. Namine rolled her eyes and I bit the inside of my cheek to showcase my boredom.
"Awww…come on! What if a cute guy comes this time?" Selphie asked us, grinning. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder that made me jump.
"Did anyone say cute boy? 'Cuz there's one right here." I turned my head, and there was Tidus, grinning stupidly. I noticed Selphie narrowing her eyes at him.
"Tidus, Tidus, Tidus…we all know how revolting you really are." Selphie said in jest, but Tidus frowned.
Tidus suffered from depression. You wouldn't think it becayse he was always grinning. But whenever he is thinking to himself, or zoning out, we all see the deepest sadness you could possible imagine form in his eyes. He didn't like to talk about it too much; he only talked about it in one-on-ones. Not in our Therapy.
Therapy was a group thing, where a bunch of people would talk about their problems everyday in a large room that reminded me of a carpeted music room, because there were small steps and levels, where it seemed different instruments should go.
In The Center, you pretty much only make friends in Therapy, considering you see them everyday. Everyone else, you pretty much ignore.
"Whatever." Tidus frowned again. I looked at Selphie. She seemed to regret her words.
We finally made it to the cafeteria, a large room with rows and rows of lunch tables. We headed toward the lunch line. I was in the back of the group. I was always in the back of the group. I held my tray in my hand and looked down blankly, thinking about Therapy and the new person who was bound to show up.
This was because Rinoa, an anorexic girl, left early the night before. And because they usually do Therapy trade by boy-girl-boy-girl, a boy was definitely coming,
It was my turn in line, and I chose waffles with syrup. I always got waffles with syrup.
I followed the others to our assigned table, where all of our Therapy members were supposed to sit. I sat all the way at the end, trying my best to avoid conversation, and instead focus on my waffles.
"We have Therapy third period, right?" Aerith asked politely, folding her hands infront of her. She was already there when we got there.
"You ask that every day, and we give you the same god damned answer. Because we always have group third. Jesus…" Tifa shot, balancing her weight on her arms on the table. Aerith apologized weakly, silently going back to her food.
"Come on, Tifa! Give her a break, she's just curious." Namine retorted back, shaking her head.
Aerith was anorexic, too. It was obvious; she looked so weak and got tired from just walking from room to room. Tifa, however, had anger management problems and was somewhat of a wanton. One of the councilors makes her work out everyday in the Gym to let out her anger. But it sort of backfired, because not only could she cuss you out, but now she could kick you ass.
It was quiet again. No one talked. But that's when we heard a booming laugh that sounded only too familiar. Everyone but me turned his or her heads to see who was coming. It was Axel and Roxas. Axel was laughing hysterically from some joke he obviously just told. How do I know? Because Roxas doesn't make jokes. Roxas just sits in a corner, just like me. But at least he talks.
Axel had drug problems, and claims he became addicted to pretty much every drug he's tried. Roxas had cutting problems, also like me. I think he also had some drug history, too. He scared most people when he talked... but he just had a staid personality and was a little intimidating.
"Hahaha! You guys should have heard the joke I just told…it was hilarious!" Axel exclaimed in his regular levity ways. He slid down the bench of the table, ending right next to me.
"Hey, hey Kairi! …What's crackin'?" he snickered, leaning closer to the side of my face. I didn't move, I was already used to this by now. So I just gave him a side-glanced glare. He got bored with my lack of attention and moved away. Axel really liked attention.
"Really? It was funny? I didn't see Roxas laughing…" Tidus said in honest confusion. Roxas narrowed his eyes at the blond, and adjusted his beanie so his bleach-golden spikes weren't sticking out like they always did. Tidus was also sort of a ditz. Something I thought he exhaggerated it. But I shouldn't be so quick to judge.
It was quiet again, and we all focused on our food.
"So…" Selphie started, squinting her eyes at her pancakes and poking them with her cheap plastic fork, "do you think the new guy will be hot?"
"SELPHIE!" everyone at our table yelled irritably, except for Roxas and me of course.
Just then, the second period bell rang, and everyone began to file out of the cafeteria with the cafeteria attendant by the door, letting everybody out. I had Lounge first, meaning the room with the T.V. and sofa. I walked down the hallway alone, the voices of the other kids echoing through the walls. The floor tiles were the ones you found in Hospitals, and the walls were half white, and half of a worn out flower wallpaper. I noted how many tissue boxes and 'happy signs' were lining the hallway, so I decided to count them out of boredom.
I was at fourteen when I reached the nearly empty room. During my Lounge, I only had two other people from my Therapy: Roxas and Aerith. They were both sitting on the pleather couch, Roxas flipping through the channels aimlessly. He always was the one who flipped through the channels. Everyone else was too scared to ask him if they could use it.
I guess it was easier that way though…I didn't want to spend my lounge period listening to a bunch of retards fighting over the controller.
I plopped down on my favorite squishy armchair and crossed my arms against my chest.
"Oh hello, Kairi." Aerith greeted, with the largest smile she could muster. Roxas just put up a finger withought even looking at me, signaling a 'hello'.
More people came into the room, and they either sat on the floor and watched as Roxas flawlessly flipped through the channels with skill, read some kind of book, or take a lazy morning nap.
I was hardly watching the T.V.. It felt like time passed by quickly because it seemed that only minute later, the third period bell rang. I waited for Roxas by the door, who was currently helping Aerith get up withought falling.
Roxas has always been protective of Aerith and I. He used to be slightly protective of Rinoa, too. But I never really understood why he helped us. Aerith and I were pretty much in every period with him, so I let that be my little answer.
We walked down the bland hallway, and I re-counted the boxes of tissues and signs as we walked down. Fourteen. I counted correctly.
We finally reached Therapy, and I quickly headed for the back, nearest to the corner. My Therapy group walked in one-by-one, and nearly all of the cheap plastic seats were taken up from the circle, except for one, which was right next to mine. Typical. They didn't like me very much.
Yuna, who was our Therapy councilor, sat nearest to the door, crossing her legs and clearing her throat.
"Well, we all know Rinoa left as an early graduate last night, which was a sad loss to our group." She explained, obviously trying to build up non-existent suspense for the new kid. I wasn't amused. "But I'm sure we all are very proud of her for recovering well." A few people nodded.
"So we have a new patient-" but the sudden bursting of the door abruptly cut her off. Everyone snapped his or her heads towards the door, even me, because a scrawny boy was standing there, panting with a huge grin plastered on his face. His crystalline cobalt eyes made me stare blankly. He caught my eye for a moment, smiled again, and then looked away. I rolled my eyes to the side, but keeping a corner of my sight on the flushed boy.
"Hi! I'm Sora."
Ummm...yeah. I just want to make this clear that I DO NOT CUT MYSELF. I was inspired by someone/something. No names.
Okay...now that that is clear...i hope you all like it. The next chapter should be up after i fix the chapter two in my other story ((which might take a while)) Check the story out if you want to, it's gonna be wicked...i swear. BUAHAHA...im so excited for both of these stories.
Okay. that took longer than i thought it would. Shit. Gotta keep going!