Tide and Bleach

Summery: I have never been able to take all the drama at Mustafar in ROTS, so this is a spoof on why Anakin turned to the Dark Side.

The First and Only Chapter

Padme knew that she was losing Anakin, called out to what was left of the man who she loved.

"Anakin, stop now, come back! I love you!"

"Liar! You are with him!" Anakin accused. "You let him wash the sheets for you!"

Anakin reached out and began to choke her. Being choked, Padme's voice sounded squeaky when she talked.

"Anakin, it wasn't a big deal! I was going to wash them in the morning!"

Obi-Wan descended from the ramp of the ship. "She washed the sheets, Anakin!" Obi-Wan's voice lowered. "She washed the sheets."

Anakin finally let Padme go, and she fell to the ground.

"You washed the sheets for her!" Anakin accused.

"You have washed them yourself."

"I did NOT wash the sheets for her!"

"Your tide with extra bleach has already done that," Obi-Wan said solemnly.

"Don't lecture me, Obi-Wan. I see through the dirtiness of the Jedi. I have brought softness, cleanness, and security to my new sheets!"

Obi-Wan looked at Anakin, horrified. "Your new sheets are dirty, Anakin."

Anakin lowered his voice dangerously. "Don't make me clean them."

"Anakin, my allegiance is to washers, to clean sheets!"

"If you will make me clean them, then you are my enemy."

Obi-Wan nodded, solemnly. "Only a sith sleeps in dirty sheets. I will do what I must."

Obi-Wan unhooked his lightsaber, and Anakin did the same thing.

"You will try."

Before either of them attacked, they heard the sound of munching and turned to see where the sound was coming from. There they saw Padme sitting on a comfy chair, eating popcorn and drinking soda.

"Padme! You're supposed to be dead!" Anakin said.

Padme waved him off. "I never liked that part of the script."

"Oh. Where were we, Obi-Wan?"

"We were about to kill each other."

"Oh, right! Attack!"

Obi-Wan and Anakin followed through a saber fight. The best one ever recorded in history. But then, Obi-Wan used the Force to push Anakin down, and Anakin's mechanical arm landed in the lava.


"I have failed you, Anakin." Obi-Wan hung his head. "I did wash the sheets."

Anakin looked up. "I knew it!"

"But it doesn't have to be this way. How about; I never wash your sheets again. Padme can wash them on Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays…"

"And I can do Wednesdays!" Padme called from the sofa.

"Alright, and Wednesdays. And you can do it the rest of the week."

"What about my arm?"

"I'll buy you a new one."

Anakin grinned. "If you had said that before, you would have saved me a new hand, and both of us an unnecessary workout."

Obi-Wan helped Anakin to his feet. "So how much does a new arm cost?" Obi-Wan asked, getting out his check book.

"Six hundred credits."

Obi-Wan hesitated. "I'll put it on Yoda's bill."

When they all got back to Corescaunt, Anakin and Obi-Wan ran off to a cantina to get a drink… or two or three or four… before Padme found out that they were out so late.

The End

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