I didn't realize

I didn't realize it at the time, but he really did care about me. Although he would still hit me if I

annoyed him, he was just trying to teach me. I didn't even realize just how much I cared about

him, until it was too late.

I didn't realize I loved him, until he died.

I still remember that day, five years ago, when we lost Sanzo. The day started off as normal, Gojyo

threw a pillow at me at two o'clock, complaining about my snoring. I never could get back to sleep

after that, so I went down stairs to get some breakfast. (I was starving to death!) In the kitchen,

I heard voices. Sanzo and Hakkai were already up.

"I know Hakkai, but what am I supposed to do about it. There's absolutely nothing anyone can do,

not even you can stop it now."

"You can't just accept it and move on! There must be some way of fighting it! You can't just give up

hope." Sanzo sighed. Nobody noticed me stood at the door.

"Tell me how to fight it and I will. But until you do, I'm going to have to accept the fact. And so are

you. There's nothing you can do. I'm dying, deal with it."

No! my sun can't die. I can't let him. There must be some way of fighting whatever it is he has. I

wont let Sanzo die. I can't let him die.

"How long do they think you have left?" Hakkai asked. He didn't like the answer, and neither did I.

"They don't think I'll survive tonight. They said I'm going to get very sick, and that I'll be in much


"Sanzo?" My voice was quivering. I was real scared.

Both Sanzo and Hakkai turned to me. I was shocked to see tears in Sanzo's eyes. Hakkai was

doing his best to hide his, but I could see he was crying too.

"What's going on? Why are you talking about dying? You're not going to die are you?"

Sanzo nodded slightly. "I have an illness. I wont last the night."

"NO!" I shook my head, "you can't die! I won't let you! I wont let you! You can't!" The tears that

came to my eyes stung. How could he be so accepting about it? Why wasn't he fighting like usual?

The Sanzo I knew would never let illness take him! I threw myself at him and began punching his

chest, being carful not to hit too hard. "You can't die!" I told him over and over, sobbing into his


What really surprised me, and also made it real for me was that Sanzo didn't push me away. He

actually hugged me. Above all else, this made it sink in.

Sanzo was going to die.