Category: Buffy, Romance(Spuffy)
Spoilers: None
Rating: M
Setting: A year after the final of Buffy
Summary: Buffy visits Spike's grave on the anniversary of his death.
Authors Notes: Another Buffy fic inspired by a song by Delta Goodrem. Some bits of this fic are taken from my fic 'one wish' which is basically the same concept except its Spike visiting Buffy.
Disclaimer: none
Feedback: Welcomed

Buffy Anne Summers walked through one of the beautiful fields that Rome had to offer. She found that if you walk somewhere enough times you wouldn't even remember that you going there. It was like a second nature. Your feet will just take you there and that was true to where she was heading now.

The sky above her was bright and there was only a couple of clouds. The sun shone brightly and lit up the beautiful green grass as she walked across it.

She couldn't count on one hand, or even two how many times she had visited this spot or how long she stayed. She slowed down in front of a single tomb stone. Placed in the middle of the field, surrounded by wild flowers that took her breath away. Carved into the stone was the name of the man she had loved and lost.


He gave his heart and soul

And saved us all

Slowly Buffy knelt down in front of the tomb stone. She gently traced her finger over the letters of his name.

"Happy anniversary, Spike" She whispered a small smile crossing her face.

She sighed and placed her hand flat against the marble stone.

"I can't believe its been an entire year since...It really has been the longest year of my life. Things have changed but, something's haven't. Obviously I'm another year older. I've been training some Slayers and that's made me a little bit stronger" She sighed in content again and smiled "I'm also a little bit wiser that a year ago. Hard to believe I know"

"Dawn's happy here. She going to school here. You'd be proud of her, really. She wants to become an artist. She's really good too. She misses you. And she's hated the way you two were when it ended. You used to be so close"

She pulled her hand away and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Xander's found someone knew" She said "Her names Kate. She's really nice. I think you'd like her. Her ten year old daughter is a Slayer. You'd have like her too. She keeps teasing Xander" She said the last bit with a laugh. "Of course he still loves Anya and always will" She whispered

"Willow and Kennedy are engaged. They've been traveling the world. I think they're in Australia now. Looking for Slayers" Buffy explained "Giles and Andrew are in London, they've rebuilt the council only a much better version"

"I'm happy here too" she said softly "I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder. Or wonder when the next apocalypse is going to strike. I'm free, Spike. But I know that if anything does happen I'll be ready. I'm not like I was then. So much younger. Now I know what to do. I feel it. And its all because of you"

Tears suddenly filled her eyes but she didn't bother wiping them away.

"I - I still can't believe what happened a year ago. Down in the Hellmouth. You were so brave, Spike..." Buffy stopped and tried to swallow the lump that had started to build in her throat. "And I just...can't forget about it. What you did. What you said. It touched my heart. And I'm s-sorry that I waited till the last minute. That you thought that what I said didn't mean a thing" Tears were rolling down her cheeks now but she didn't care. "I miss you with all my heart. And I do truly love you. I just didn't know it then"

Buffy paused when she noticed the slight orange tinge in the sky. She hadn't realised how late it was. She gazed at the setting sun and realised how much she wanted to share it with him. Fresh tears sprang in her eyes as she knew that she could never again share anything beautiful with him.

"I'm so sick of crying, Spike" She cried out. Her head hung low "I feel like my tears should have run dry by now. But I also feel guilty if I'm not grieving for you. God!" She threw her arms up and ran her hands through her hair "Why does life have to be so unkind"

She sobbed, her head in her hands. She felt like she had been crying for a lifetime. Finally she sat up and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands.

"Sometimes..." She began in a low voice "...I just can't understand it. All the men that I let into my heart end up leaving me. Angel died and then he came back and I drove him to another town. Riley left as well and you...You died. I don't think I'll ever understand why I'm so cursed in the love department"

Buffy smiled and once again traced his name.

"I remember you telling me, you know after I was brought back that you...dreamt about what you could have done to save me. Save Dawn. I thought it was a bit weird but I do that sometimes too. There are many times where I have questioned myself about what I could have done...What more I could have done to get you out. Sometimes I think that if only I had taken that thing" She said bitterly "Off you then we might have been able to make a run for it" Buffy sighed and placed both hands on either side of her legs. "But I know that I'm fooling myself over you. I mean it was day and the sun was up so we wouldn't have gotten very far"

"I think I better get going" She said after a long pause. She grinned again. "Andrew's staying with us and I don't trust him alone in our apartment" She chuckled and stood up. "I bet I know what you'd say if you saw me wallowing in pity" She cocked her head to the side. Imitating his trade mark expression. "You'd tell me that I've gotta pick myself up and take a look around. Dust myself off"

Just to show her point, Buffy actually dusted the dirt off her pants.

"Because life's too good. Right?" She asked. Nodding her head she added "I've said it once and I'll say it again." She stopped, kissed her finger tips and gently placed then against the stone. "My love for you will never end. It doesn't matter that we're so far apart. You're forever in my heart, Spike. And on this anniversary I'm only reminded that you're watching over me. I love you"

She turned and slowly made her way across the field in the dark. One year. One year today. Her friend. Her lover had died to save the world.

"Buffy!" Someone yelled from a distance

Buffy looked up and was startled when Dawn came running up to her.

"Dawn what? Is everything okay?" Buffy asked

Dawn stopped, out of breath panting. "He's alive" She gasped

"Who?" Buffy asked

"Spike. Spike's alive" Dawn yelled happily


"He's been alive for over a year" Dawn explained "Andrew told me. And he needs help, Buffy. He's with Angel and they're fighting another apocalypse"

Buffy tried to fight back the new batch of tears and the sudden rage she felt towards Spike. Here she was grieving for him and he was enjoying life in LA.

Dawn looked at her sister carefully. She had expected Buffy to rejoice or something.

"B-buffy. Did you hear what I said?" Dawn asked "Spike's in trouble. They need help"

"Lets go" Buffy said and started to walk away.

Dawn ran after her to keep up.

"We're gonna help?" She asked brightly

"Yes" said Buffy "I'm going to help save his stupid ass before I kick the hell out of it"