Title: It's your place.
Paring: Yuki Eiri / Shindo Shuichi.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters even if I'd like to have my lovely Yuki just for myself . They are the property of Murakami Maki-sama.
Summary: Shuichi and Yuki just are at the beginning of their relationship and the teenager wanders if his boyfriend cares for him. Or if he only sees him as a toy. It's a little POV Shuichi.
A/N: Hi! It's the first time for me to publish a story in English. I'm sure that there'll be a lot of mistakes because, even if I'm pretty good in English and that I read a lot of fanfictions and books in this language, I have some difficulties to build my sentences. So please, no flame! Lol. I've got some friends on ffnet, who are English-speaker authors, and who asked me to translate some of my stories that I've already submitted in French on this site. So read and enjoy…
Thoughts in italics. Speaking in bold.
It's your place.
Shindo Shuichi awoke, naked and alone, in a king size bed that wasn't his. He was laying on his back and was only covered by a sheet that was up to his stomach. The night he just spent wasn't really restful; indeed, the bed with still humid from his last activities with his boyfriend. Four times! he thought. One more than the last time… It's my second time with Yuki but it still hurts. His half-closed eyes staring at the white ceiling of the room, he remembered the last events that just occurred with his lover. As cold as Yuki was, he always graced him with gentle strokes and kisses during their love-making. Despite those tender touches and the pleasure that the tall blond man gave him, the singer kept being in pain. If only he could relax… But he couldn't manage to… Sex was not what he wanted from the writer. He felt frustrated that his lover didn't respond to his feelings.
But what did you expected from him, Shuichi? He said it: he doesn't like guys, he's not gay.
I'm not gay neither! he answered himself.
But you fell for him and he's a man. If with that you're not gay, I don't know how to call it…
Oh, shut up! I already know he doesn't love me as much as I love him. Actually, he doesn't love me at all.
Shuichi sat up in the bed. He was glad for having spent such a good night in the arms of the one he loved, but he missed something; he missed the feelings. He didn't expect the blond to be crazy in love with him… Just to be a bit… a bit… a bit kind. But there was no kindness.
He's sometimes gentle with me, and then he was worried when I was sick… He even came to my parent's house to see me…
There is a difference between being worried about someone and having feelings…
But it shows that he cares for me… Even a little bit.
Anyway… Pour Shu-chan who still believes that Yuki may love him… He would have been worried for an old woman who would have faint in the street but that doesn't mean that he would really care.
With his hand, the musician pushed back the pink locks that were over his teary eyes. He was still tired and he felt good in this bed… He wanted to take a shower but he could hear the water pouring in the bathroom, meaning the gorgeous writer was already there. Shuichi decided to stay in bed until he could take a bath so he laid down and tried to sweep away all the questions that haunted his mind. But of no avail. One question made him doubt even more. If Yuki didn't feel anything for him then why did he made love to him? Two times?!
It's just because you're his new little toy. A new distraction… You only make his sexual life more interesting.
But what sort of man, asserting he doesn't like guys, would have sex with one of them if he doesn't feel attracted at least?
Attracted! It's the right word! It's only sexual attraction! Nothing more.
Shuichi refused to accept this idea. He felt something more. He felt that he was giving something special to Yuki. Something the author couldn't find anywhere else or with any other partners.
Speaking of other partners… He must have dozens of them! You're just one among the others. Do you really think you can bring something more to a man who already have all what he wants? He has the body of a Greek god, he has talent, money, beautiful cars, fame, and most of all, all the women in Japan! He needn't you!
It was right. What could Shuichi bring to that man? The singer wasn't really gifted or beautiful, he didn't have money and most of all, he wasn't a "good fuck". So, why did Yuki burden himself with a brat like him?
Just a new distraction… He's just interested by the "novelty". If he cared only a bit for you, Shu-chan, he would pay attention to don't hurt you while fucking you.
But he always says he doesn't like it when I cry and…
Of course he doesn't like that! Who would like to see a 18-year-old boy crying like a drama-queen at the first little annoyance? He doesn't like scandal so he only prefers to fuck you if it can make you shut your mouth up!
No! Even if Yuki was cold, I don't think he would play with people's feelings… It's not as if I didn't tell him I love him…
Are you sure? This guy is as warm as a pick-ice! How can you be sure what he would do or not?
Shuichi turned over himself, his back to the door, and put the sheet over him, covering up his shoulders. In spite of the seeming truth, he was still convinced that the novelist cared for him. And most of all, he refused to believe that Fate was a cheat and would have put the great love of his life on his way and that this great love would never love him. There always was a reason when things happened, and if his way crossed Yuki's one, there was a chance for him to be loved by the blond.
Stop dreaming, Shuichi! You are losing your time with him. Find you a kind girl who would love you and would never hurt you as much as he does. Who would never torture your heart. He's a cold-hearted, insensitive, selfish bastard… It would be a miracle if you managed to be loved by him in the future!
Only psychos don't find love! Then I'm not even sure of that. He's too beautiful, too intelligent, too…
Kind? Haha! Nice joke! You'll make me die from laughing!
Ok, maybe he's not really kind. But nonetheless, he has such a beautiful soul that I refuse to let him like that. Now, I know what I can bring to him: I can teach him love. So even if I have to be tortured every day by him, even if I have to bear his coldness… I'll be with him to give him all my love, because I am sure he's a good person.
And what will you do if he learns love then gives his heart to somebody else than you?
At least, I would have managed to teach him love! And it's all I want! he exclaimed for himself.
He finally managed to make that stupid little voice inside of him shut up! Shuichi closed his eyes, a grin on his lips. He was finally alone with himself. He was so quiet he didn't notice the water had stop pouring. Neither did he notice the soft sound of steps on the fitted carpet in the room.
It was Yuki, wearing black pants and a white and unbuttoned shirt. He sat down on the edge of the bed, behind Shuichi. As the boy had his back turned to him, he didn't know he was awake. On the other hand, the singer noticed the presence of his lover as soon as the writer sat beside him. But for some reasons he didn't understand, he stayed silent and motionless. Yuki took a cigarette and lighted it. This little brat was still asleep… But he could figure it was justified since he spent all the night crying like a baby and whining some "It hurts… Yuki… I want to die…". Tsss… Baka! Four times… It must have been too much to bear for him since he wasn't used to sexual activities. Yuki smiled in a mocking way and as he draw once more on his cigarette.
He still couldn't understand why he let that whimsical brat, who cried all the time for very nothing, invading his life. But he was sure of something: he was pretty cute when he was sleeping. Silent and cute. Of course, at that moment, he couldn't even see his face since his back was facing him but he knew how he was while being asleep: smiling to the angels and whispering his name and only HIS name… "Yuki…" in such a cute manner. Figuring this image of a sleeping Shuichi was making his heart beating really fast. He tried to calm it down but the more he tried, the more it beat fast and hard. It nearly hurt. How that brat could made him feel like that while simply sleeping? He only was an annoying baka who stuck to him like an old chewing-gum to his shoe. That pink-heard punk was always whining for a kiss or a stroke… Exactly what he hated… But Yuki always gave in.
Why? Why Shuichi had that hold on him? A tear, a sorrow and Eiri was feeling guilty, ready to do anything that would make his cute singer smile (even with a frightening smile). He was even ready to go and see his father to make Shuichi happy. Nobody, not even his sister Mika managed to make him go back to Kyoto. Nobody except Shuichi.
Yuki crushed his cigarette in the ashtray near him then turned to face Shuichi's back. From Shuichi's point of view, he felt Yuki moving on the mattress behind him. All of a sudden, he felt the sheet getting off of his shoulders to his hips. What the hell is he doing? The singer had his answer pretty soon since he felt Yuki's hand slightly stroking his skin along his backbone to his hips. Whereas he expected the blond novelist would go further, his hand only went back to his shoulders then to the nape of his neck. Shuichi stayed silent and shuddered at the smooth contact with Yuki's skin. He felt good, secured and in trust. Then the warm breath of the author behind his ear made him shiver. Two strong arms wrapped around him softly. The pink-haired boy relaxed in his lover's arms, whispering:
He nestled in the writer's embrace as he said:
Weren't you sleeping?
No, I was thinking…
Really? About what?
About you, Shuichi answered.
And I am happy in your arms… I feel as if it's my place… And I'll never let anybody else take this place from me!
Yuki grinned to himself and was glad that Shuichi couldn't see him. He felt a feeling of relief building in him when he heard those words coming from Shuichi. He tightened the embrace and put his head in the hollow of the singer's neck.
I love you, Yuki.
I don't know if I love you but I know I won't let you go… I won't let you leave me… As you said: it's your place.
A/N: Did you enjoy? I hope it was great for you. So let me a lil' review to tell me what you think about it.