Sighing as he dropped his keys on the table in the dark, Gideon fell into the overstuffed lounger, feeling every one of his middle-aged years and mired in filth. Leaning his head back against the smooth leather and rubbing his face with both hands, his tired eyes burned with fatigue; his body exhausted and completely drained.
Of course that would be the very time his mind chose to start firing off a mile a minute. Analyzing behavior, motivations; the desire for youth and beauty that drove the average pedophile. Men like Rawlings who blithely preyed on children and never saw anything wrong with the type of love they were so eager to experience and express. Was it the smooth softness of their skin? The innocence in their eyes? What was it that caused otherwise normal, average men with perfectly respectable jobs, homes and families of their own, to cross that line?
Spencer was less than half his age.
So what did that make him? Just another pedophile a few years too late?
Turning on a lamp to banish the not-quite midnight darkness, Spencer came and straddled his lap. Throwing long arms around the older man's shoulders he ordered gently, "Stop it."
"Stop what?" Gideon refuted, gamely playing along. Not that Spencer didn't know what he was thinking, after all. He was a profiler as much as Gideon was. Still, Gideon tried not to feel the comforting weight resting on his legs, or the heat of that solid body around him. Not to take a deep breath and just breathe in the younger man's scent, as was becoming more and more prevalent lately, in order to use it to ground his restless thoughts.
"You're not like that guy, Jason," Spencer told him quietly, seriously. "You're not Rawlings. You're not a pedophile."
Gideon looked at him, wanting to believe the lie. It was nights just like these that he wasn't so sure. "Spencer, I have a son older than you are."
"And I'm pretty sure that son is not me."
Gideon snorted in surprise at the flippant observation. "Well that's good to know. No trips to Jerry Springer then?"
In the low lamplight Spencer was smiling that wry twist of humor he sometimes had. "I never knew my father, Jason, not really. And that being said, I'm really not looking for a replacement this late in my life…"
"This late? Spencer you're only 24 and I'm – "
"- older," Spencer placed a finger on his lips before Gideon could finish. "But I'm taller. And my hands are larger than yours. It doesn't mean a thing, Jason. Not unless you want it to."
He was right and Gideon knew it. It was just that, in their line of work, sometimes it was far too easy to overlook a line already crossed… "I don't," he admitted. "I don't want it to."
"And neither do I," Spencer told him firmly, leaning in to kiss him. "I'm old enough to know what I want, how I want it and who I want it with."
For long moments neither said a word, content to stay the way they were; Gideon slouched in the old leather armchair with his much younger and only slightly taller lover draped over him. Their foreheads pressed together, Jason wrapped his arms around the slim hips while Spencer's arms rested around his shoulders, those large hands cradling and caressing the back of his head.
Gideon spent the quiet just listening to the sounds of the old house settling and the sharp, high chirps of the crickets outside. Getting his head around this latest darkness and telling the guilt that always brought out his own self-doubts and worst fears after a particularly bad case to take a hike.
"I'm not sure I like the new haircut."
He hadn't meant to say it. The observation had come out of nowhere and he felt Spencer smile. "It'll grow back."
And it would but still…he would miss being able to tuck those errant strays away. Miss watching Spencer run them back behind his ear. "Don't use so much crap on it next time," was the next mild complaint. "I can't run my hands through it without looking for a hand towel."
Spencer laughed, a short snuffle where his lips pressed warm and soft against his own. "If I don't, I can't brush it back. And with the short cut it gets in my eyes. But I could always shower to get rid of the gel now." Pulling back, Spencer grinned, and Gideon answered that compromise with a grin of his own. He dropped his voice to the husky drawl Gideon loved so much, suggesting, "Keep from ruining the pillows."
"Good idea." Gideon approved, taking one of his wrists and holding him in place when Spencer made the move to get up. "I guess I can live with it for a month or two. Though what was up with those glasses? And that sweater?" Gideon shuddered in only half-feigned horror. "I thought Morgan was going to have a heart attack choking on his coffee when he walked into the meeting room. I wasn't sure I was all that far behind him."
"Totally the reaction I was going for, and I owed him for that protractor, slide rule and pocket protector set he left on my desk last week, " Spencer admitted with a gleeful chuckle. Shifting off his legs, he pulled Gideon out of his favorite chair and kissed him quickly, before the older man could protest. "But I don't want to talk about Morgan. Right now I want to go to bed and do very naughty and very grown up things with you."
Suddenly not so tired anymore, Gideon's smile softened, and though the guilt was still there, at least he had managed to assuage it enough that he wouldn't be crippled by it tonight. Tomorrow was another day. "I think I might can be persuaded to go along with whatever it is you have in that very intelligent brain of yours, Doctor Reid, " Jason agreed, the hands on the younger man's hips pulling him closer. This time he initiated the kiss, making sure to leave Spencer breathless before he pulled away.
"I was hoping you would."
"After a shower."
Sighing at the pointed reminder that Gideon thought he needed to wash his hair, Spencer ignored the humor now lurking in the dark eyes. Instead of making a face as he might have yesterday, he grew thoughtful, "You know there are so many grown up and naughty things we could do in the shower, " he nodded brightly. "I wonder if anyone's ever done a research study on the viability of 2-in-1 conditioner as a makeshift lube?"
Eyebrows raised in challenge, Gideon leaned in to whisper in his young lover's ear, nipping at the lobe and feeling him shiver. "And what makes you think I'm going to use conditioner when I press you up against the tiles and fuck you in the shower, huh little boy?"
Spencer only cast him an evil little smile, leading them both down the hallway to the back of the house. "Who says the lube was for me?"
After that, all Jason could do was follow where Spencer would lead.