Series: Part I of a Naruto x Sakura songfic Trilogy
Genre: Romance / Angst / Songfic
Paring: Naruto x Sakura
Spoilers: Some slight spoilers concerning the "Retrieve Sasuke" arc and the fight at the Valley of the End (like who wins); there's a list of times Naruto saves his teammates, too
Summary: And I hurt myself, by hurting you…
Word Count: 1,839
Disclaimer: Naruto is still not mine. And Hurt belongs to the obscenely talented Christina Aguilera.
Dedication: This goes out to dbzgtfan2004 who asked me to make more.
Seems like just yesterday when I saw your face.
Tears streamed stubbornly from green eyes as the young woman tried to muffle her sobs. It had been a year. A whole year. And she was still crying.
You'd think there'd be no more tears after that long, but it was always the same. During the day it was easy to pretend, easy to forget. It was at night, when the shadows of her mistakes haunted her, the tears started to flow.
It was hard to believe it had been so long. So long without that sun-kissed hair and those sky-blue eyes. No matter how much it had always annoyed her when he was here, now that he was gone, she found she missed his overly loud boasts and challenges. But mostly she missed his ever-ready grin, the one that made you just want to smile back.
That infectious grin was always present in the back of her mind, like she had only seen him at the ramen stand a moment ago, instead of at Konoha's gates a lifetime ago.
The sobs grew louder.
You told me how proud you were and I walked away.
"Ano sa… Sakura-chan, I…"
"Well? What is it?" The pink haired medic-nin in training crossed her arms and stared at him pointedly.
"I just think it's… really cool what you're doing!" He grinned widely. "It's so cool you're gonna be a famous healer like Tsunade-no-baachan!"
"Humph." The girl tossed a strand of hair out of her face and turned away from the grinning blond. "I'm only doing it so I can help Sasuke-kun," she said haughtily before leaving him at the gates.
She didn't notice the smile disappear.
If only I knew then what I know today.
Too late she realized how dull the village was without his sparkling smile and childish antics. Too late she realized how accustomed she was to having him around. Too late she realized how empty everything was without sunshine.
It wasn't until almost a week after he left that she realized how much she missed him.
She burst into Ichiraku, breathing heavily. "Sorry I'm late Naruto, I-"
It was then her eyes swept over the restaurant and noticed the lack of blond hair. It was then her mind replayed for her what had happened a week before. It was then she remembered he was gone.
That was the first time she broke down and cried.
I would hold you in my arms.
I would take the pain away.
Thank-you for all you've done.
Forgive all your mistakes.
Sakura hated herself sometimes. More then Neji hated the main house. More then the Konoha citizens hated the Kyuubi. For all those years, ever since they were academy students, Naruto had been right there. And what had she done? Hit him with blunt objects and insulted him.
All those years she could have shown him an ounce of affection and didn't. All those years she could have tried to be a friend the villagers didn't want him to have, but didn't.
Even after he had almost died to bring back Sasuke for her she had merely turned away. She had decided to do it herself. No "thank-you," no "you tried." Nothing. Not even an "It's okay" for failing the most important mission of his life.
There's nothing I wouldn't do.
To hear your voice again.
Sometimes I wanna call you.
But I know you won't be there.
And now Sakura wasn't training for Sasuke. Now Sakura was training for Naruto. So she could help him bring Sasuke back. So she could yell at him for being stupid and selfish and for leaving her alone. So someone would pick up the phone when she dialed his number on accident.
Ohhh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do.
And I hurt myself, by hurting you.
But what she wanted to do the most, what haunted her at night and made her cry for hours until she finally drifted off in exhaustion, was to tell him she was sorry.
She was sorry she ignored him in favor of Sasuke. She was sorry she thought he was useless. She was sorry she blamed him for not being able to bring back Sasuke. She was sorry for making him leave.
She was so sorry it hurt. The need to apologize ate away at her all day. Everytime someone bumped into her in the hallway and said sorry, she cringed. Everytime someone came into Tsunade's office late and apologized, she twitched. So at night she let it all out. By screaming her throat raw and crying herself sick.
Sometimes I feel broke inside but I won't admit.
Sometimes I just wanna hide cause it's you I miss.
Tsunade was worried about her, she could tell. And that wasn't surprising since every morning she came to work with puffy eyes and a sore throat. More then one person had found her scrubbing at her eyes in the bathroom and stealing cough drops from Tsunade's medical kit. But she swore it was nothing.
"My mattress is uncomfortable," she insisted. "I just have trouble sleeping.
But it was all a lie.
And when Tsunade found Sakura in one of the empty hospital room on the anniversary of Team 7's first day together, tears pooling at the corners of her eyes, chin trembling, at first she though the girl had lost her mind.
But when she saw a severely shaking hand caress the blindingly white hospital sheets on the bed and heard her apprentice whisper, "Why did you have to leave me here?" Tsunade thought she was pinning for the Uchiha. Kami knows the girl was enough of a stalker to have his frequently visited hospital room memorized.
On her way out, Tsunade happened to glance at the number of the room and stopped dead. It was a room she had memorized by heart. "Demo… this is…. Naruto's room…"
Sakura didn't leave it all day.
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this.
And unlike the other genin, Sakura refused to believe there wasn't a one hundred percent chance that he was coming back.
"But Sakura-san," Lee tried to tell her, "Naruto-kun might try to go after Sasuke-san himself."
"Yeah Forehead, you know how that baka is, he doesn't think anything through."
"Naruto is not stupid!" Sakura yelled, to angry to even care that she had started to cry and the other shinobi were looking at her in ill-concealed shock. "And he WILL come back to me!"
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down on me?
Are you proud of who I am?
As a kunoichi, Sakura knew that living in the past was useless. You had to live for the present, or be lost in memories. But it was hard, when all she remembered was that the last time she spoke to him; he told he was proud of her. But that was before she had left him there without thanking him for what he was doing for her, without saying goodbye.
She wondered if he still felt that way. By now, she was probably as good a medic-nin as Tsunade, but only because she though Naruto would think she was weak. She trained harder than any other ninja in the village.
All she needed was five minutes with the blond. Just so she could learn if he was still proud of her. That knowledge alone could help her stop crying herself to sleep every night. Because if Naruto hated her… there was nothing left.
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back
Sakura was depressed though, she wasn't stupid. She knew that there was a very slim chance that Naruto was coming back for any amount of time before the two-and-a-half years he was due was up. He thought Sakura wanted Sasuke back, so he would train until he could do it.
If she had learned one thing from all of this it was, "There are no second chances." And Sakura had learned that the hard way. No matter how hard she cried, she couldn't take back not thanking or saying goodbye to Naruto. She wanted that moment back, that moment at the gates, so she could beg him to stay here with her. So she could tell him that it didn't matter about Sasuke, not anymore, all she wanted was Naruto's bright cerulean eyes sparkling at her.
Ohhh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I hurt myself, by hurting you
"I'm sorry Sakura-chan… I couldn't… bring him back for you…"
Sakura frowned at the blond boy in the hospital bed, the one covered in bandages. "It's because no one's as strong a Sasuke-kun," she said.
Naruto looked down at his hands fisted in his lap. "I'll become strong for you Sakura-chan. I'll become stronger then that teme so I can bring him back for you."
It was a perfect opportunity to thank him for trying, to tell him that she would help in any way she could. But she didn't. All she said was, "You better. You promised me."
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much I've missed you
Since you went away
Ohhh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
Sakura had six months. Six months between when Sasuke left and when Naruto abandoned her. She had six months to tell him how much she appreciated him and all he had done –was doing- for her. And she let it all slip through her fingers, like the wind.
And with six months to tell him how she felt, all she did was remind him, everyday, "You promised me, Naruto. You promised me you'd bring back Sasuke-kun." And she liked watching him push himself harder and harder and harder because she knew it was all for her.
But trying to get back those perfect moments, the ones where she could have just blurted everything out, was like asking for water in the middle of Gaara's desert. It was useless. She would never get them back.
Ohhh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
Saving Sasuke from Haku. Saving Sasuke from Orochimaru in the Forest of Death. Saving both her and Sasuke when Gaara went crazy. Now doing all of this to save Sasuke from the clutches of that snake. Things Sakura couldn't do and Naruto could do, and did, without question. Without any one needing to ask or thank him for it.
And I hurt myself by hurting you
And Sakura knew it hurt Naruto to have never been thanked by her, because it hurt her to know that Naruto thought this was what she wanted. And to know that he was hurting because of something she could have said, and didn't, only made her cry harder.
A/N: Ta-da! Another songfic one-shot!