Title: Losing You

Author: DisasterousLetdown

Pairing: Jack Sparrow, Will Turner

Rated: PG-13

Genre: Angst

Summary: Turning his head to the sea he stares out upon the vast expanse of ocean and feels a heavy dose of longing in his heart. This longing isn't for the sea though, no it is a much deeper need than that, it's for a certain person that he can no longer reach.

Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately pouts


Losing You

Ever so slowly Jack walked down the beach with only his thoughts for company and at the moment they were his worst enemy. He felt like he was walking in a dream because this certainly couldn't be reality, he just wasn't ready to accept it. He was bewildered and at the same time an ache had settled in his heart, he felt like screaming even though he was aware that it would get him nowhere. There wasn't a thing he could do to prevent the events that occurred, no matter how desperately he wanted to. He thinks back on the past month and regret fills his soul, if only he had agreed... things wouldn't be the way they are now.

He lowers his head to stare at the ground beneath his feet and ceases his walking. Turning his head to the sea he stares out upon the vast expanse of ocean and feels a heavy dose of longing in his heart. This longing isn't for the sea though, no it is a much deeper need than that, it's for a certain person that he can no longer reach.

I didn't get enough time with him, wasn't aware a the short amount a time that I was given. He thinks to himself, feeling depression setting in. If only I had known, if only I could go back... I'd do right by him. I don't have that option anymore though, I missed the opportune moment and now all I be left with is regret.

Memories flash through his mind from time to time and even though they bring tears to his eyes they also bring a smile to his face. Most are from times when Jack came to Port Royal, snuck in of course, and spent many hours with Will Turner on a secluded beach much like this one. They talked of old times and of the future, but never crossed the line of what they meant to one another. That line had been crossed eventually however and that was the last conversation Jack had with Will. That brief conversation haunts Jack now, replays over and over within his mind, leaving him no peace...

Making his way to shore he sees Will sitting in his usual place, a place they have been meeting at for years... ever since the events with Barbossa and his crew. Jack can't risk getting caught in Port Royal again for he would surely find his way to the noose that has been inevitably waiting for him, but he refuses to never see his friend again so they devised a plan to meet on the beach in a secluded spot on the island... luckily no one comes here. With their meetings being at night though they seriously doubt they will ever been caught.

When Will sees Jack's figure walking in his direction a smile that could light up the entire island crosses his face and Jack can't help, but smile in return. They embrace tightly when they are within arms length and Will buries his face in Jack's neck. He breathes in the scent that he has missed so very much before reluctantly pulling away. Jack gives him one of those coy smiles he adores and plops his body down onto the sand. Will soon joins him and looks his friend over for it has been so long since he last saw him.

"You look good; I guess your travels have been to your liking." Will says softly.

"Aye mate, been all 'round the world." Jack responds with a smile while his mind thinks, Can think of a place I'd have much rather been though.

"I missed you." Will admits softly. "Once a year just isn't enough, maybe..."

Jack doesn't allow Will to finish his sentence however, he has a pretty good idea of where it is going anyway so might as well get this over with. "I know it be tough Will, but we really have no choice. 'Tis what we're handed so we might as well be grateful fer what we be given." Jack says in a tone that leaves for no discussion as he stands, Will is quick to follow of course.

"I don't believe that Jack. I've sat back and allowed this to go on, but I can't any longer. I don't want to be left to watch you sail away again; I don't want to stay here in Port Royal waiting another year for your arrival... I want you to take me with you. I want to sail with you on the black pearl, experience life with you."

"Lad ya don't know what ya want, the pirate life ain't fer ya." Jack says with a laugh, though it sounds more forced than anything.

"You said I had pirate blood in my veins that I'd have to square with one day so don't give me that bullshit Jack, I have squared with it, have accepted it in fact, and I'm telling you I want to go with you this time." Will says in a firm and confident voice that makes Jack take a step back in surprise.

"Just why would it be that ye want ta come with me?" He asks even though as soon as the words pass his lips he regrets them, he doesn't want to hear Will's words for they have never crossed this line before and he had never intended to. "Never mind, ferget that question... I don't want ta know. Wouldn't matter anyway 'cause the answer be no either way."

Will doesn't want to give up so easily though, obviously wanting this line to be crossed. "I want to come with you Jack because I want to be with you, I want to be a part of your life and I want to be by your side for always. I want you to show me how to truly live Jack because I could find no better teacher. I also want you to be a part of my life..."

"Okay Will that be enough." Jack says firmly as he begins to walk away, but to his frustration Will follows him stubbornly.

"I want to come with you Jack because I love you."

At those last three words Jack stops in his tracks and Will nearly collides with him. He whirls around to face Will and grabs him by the shoulders, looking at him like Will just killed a person in cold blood. Will stands his ground though; looking back at Jack... daring him to deny that he loves him in return.

"Go ahead Jack, deny that you love me, but I'll know the truth." Will says softly, but with a firm edge to his tone. Before Jack can respond however Will pulls him forward and catches his lips with his own. Once Jack recovers from the shock the kiss becomes rough and passionate, all tongue and teeth. Will tilts his head to the side to give Jack better access and Jack takes full advantage of it. He has wanted to kiss Will for so very long that he isn't going to miss this opportunity.

When they pull apart, only from lack of oxygen mind you, Will is smiling and panting. He has a firm hold on Jack's waist and Jack can tell that he doesn't want to let him go.

"I'm not 'bout ta deny anything Will; we both know that I love ya as much as I love the pearl... I just can't take ya with me I'm sorry." Jack says regretfully, though he tries to hide this from Will.

The smile drops immediately from Will's face and tears fill his eyes. "Why Jack? Why are you so insistent upon pushing me away? Don't you want to be with me?"

"Of course I do love, but the sea be no place fer the likes a ya and the life of a pirate be a tough one. I couldn't bear it if ye were hurt, I won't allow that ta happen. Ya best interest is ta stay here and we'll meet up every year."

"That's not enough Jack!" Will exclaims as tears slide down his face.

"It's all I be havin' ta give ta ya." Jack says softly, wiping the tears from Will's eyes only for others to take their place. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't do this Jack." Will pleads one last time, looking at Jack with such a wounded expression that Jack has to look away.

"I'll be seein' ya in a year." Jack says as he lets go of Will and walks away.

Even though he wants to he doesn't look back, he can hear Will's anguished sobs and knows the sight would kill him. In his mind he keeps telling himself that this is for the best and that within time the lad will understand.

...Now as Jack sits alone on a beach he realizes that he should have took a chance, should have taken Will aboard the pearl with him. That way he could have kept him safe and spent each waking hour with him as well. He knows he was stupid and the worst part... he can't change anything. He has to somehow live with his regrets and mistakes.

He lowers his head once again and stares at the piece of paper clutched within his hand, he has read it about a thousand times and each time the words sink in a little each time. He received the letter just today, three months since his last visit with Will. He is slowly coming to accept what has happened and he can feel the tears just below the surface, begging to be released.

Captain Jack Sparrow:

I know you are more than likely wondering why I am contacting you and I will get straight to the point for there is no easy way to say this. Though you may have thought no one knew how close you are to Will I am quite aware. Now don't freak out and think others know about your "secret" meetings as well, I assure you I am the only one that knows. As you know Will and I have always been good friends, he doesn't keep much from me. He has told me about many of your visits and I am glad you two have managed to stay in touch.

The reason I am contacting you Mister Sparrow is, regretfully, I have some bad news. I knew you would want to know and probably wouldn't know unless I contacted you. Well I don't really know how to say this so I am just going to say it. There was an accident, just recently a band of pirates rowed into Port Royal with the intent to steal whatever they could get their hands on. Norrington and his men cornered them however and I probably need not mention that the pirates were in a state of panic. I know right now you are probably wondering why I am telling you all of this and I promise to get to the point this time. Like I have already said, there is no easy way to say this... Norrington somehow managed to corner them inside the smithy. Unfortunately Will was inside at the time and before Norrington could shoot one of the pirates slit Will's throat with his sword.

Now I will tell you that Norrington has scheduled for the pirates to be hanged and by the time this letter reaches you I am sure they will have already been hung. The pirate that killed Will however was killed immediately by Norrington so Will received justice that I assure you.

I am really sorry to bring such saddening news Jack; I really hate being the one to tell you, but knew you'd want to be informed immediately... I know how close you were to Will. You can come see me any time you like though; I would very much like to see you. If you'd like to visit Will's grave I can make that happen I promise. I hope you are well Jack and if you want to get in touch with me to make arrangements to visit Will's grave just send me a letter back using the name Edward Livingston. No one will question it I promise.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth Swann

Jack's eyes leave the now scrunched up letter and stares up at the darkening sky. Slowly his eyes flutter closed and he can envision Will with that soft smile of his. In his mind he can see Will's hair softly blowing in the wind, he wants to reach out and runs his fingers through said hair, but knows he can't. Will's bright brown eyes are sparkling with mirth and it is just like Will is standing right in front of him, like has done many times.

"It hurts so damn bad Will... losing ya. I'm so sorry fer pushing ya away, I want the chance ta make it right, don't want ta live without ya. Ye should be with me right now." Jack whispers softly, barely audible over the ocean's waves. "Why did ya leave me here alone?"

Slowly Jack's face scrunches up and his last restraint falls away as he does the one thing he has been able to avoid, been strong enough to push away... he bursts into tears, his pain filled sobs filling the silence that surrounds him.

And somewhere in the heavens an angel cries with him.

.The End.