A/N: Severus Snape and Lily Evans. I thought it was interesting. I'm not very happy with the way I wrote this fic. First I wanted to do one of those stories where names aren't mentioned until the end... then I got impatient doing that. Also I wanted to follow with the emotions of Snape mostly, but then I wanted to get in Lily's mind too. I wanted to keep this fic short, but while I was writing it I wanted to make it longer. So I'm thinking about turning this idea into a different longer story although I'm not entirely sure if I will or not. I know so much I could do with it if it was longer. Thinking a title for this thing was kinda hard too for some reason too. Oh well. Read and review if you'd like. Feedback is always nice wether it's good or bad and thank you for reading.
Disclaimer: I mean really I would think everyone in the world by now knows who owns Harry Potter. If you don't know here's a little hint... it aint me.
Neither one of them had anything to say to the other, yet both of them knew that they wanted to say something. The silence wasn't exactly awkward, but it wasn't pleasant either. The two of them had been secretly meeting for a few months now and although nothing had ever happened between them they both knew they felt something for the other. They both knew it was something a little more than friendship. The only thing they had ever shared was conversation although there were many occasions he wanted to take her into his arms and kiss her passionately...
"I was just trying to help you." The girl finally whispered quietly referring to the events that had happened earlier that day. The events that he had tried to lock away in his mind.
The boy felt horrible about the things he had said to her earlier. He had hoped that she wouldn't have brought up anything about it, but she did. He knew she would have. But he didn't know how to explain his actions. The excuse he had was a poor one.
"I'm sorry." He told her sincerely. "It's just everyone was watching..."
Yes, everyone was watching. Everyone just stood there and watched as he was humiliated in front of the school. Everyone except her. She was the only one that stood up for him. Not even any of his so-called friends from his little gang had done anything to help him. It was this girl in front of him going against everyone she knew for him. And he was worried about keeping up their act. Worried that his gang might find out how he had befriended a Gryffindor. He was already a social misfit. He couldn't really afford to be anymore of an outcast than he already was.
Tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ears, she nodded. "So you called me a mudblood." She responded slowly as if she was wondering wether to forgive him or not. Being muggle born herself she didn't know the full impact of the word so it didn't bother her much, but she had heard it was a horrible word to consider witches such as herself. And of course she understood why he had done it. If word had gotten out the two of them were friends... well she wasn't entirely sure what would happen. It just wouldn't be good. Yet deep down for a few weeks now she had admitted to herself that she wanted to be more than friends with this boy.
The two of them fell silent again lost in their own thoughts, neither one of them looking at the other. "Lily," He started, looking up from the spot on the ground he had been staring at. Her startling green eyes looked into his. What ever he was going to say he couldn't remember it now. All that he could think about now were those beautiful eyes.
"Severus, you're spacing out again." She smiled warmly. A blush crept onto his cheeks. There had been many times he had gotten lost in those eyes of hers. It wouldn't be the last time either. At least he hoped. Sometimes he wondered how long they could keep up these secret late night meetings. Sooner or later one day someone would notice the looks they gave each other as they passed in the hallways. Sooner or later one day they would be caught sneaking out of their common rooms in the late night. Sooner or later one day someone would find them talking in the empty classroom as they often did. Sooner or later it would all end. "What are you thinking about?"
"I didn't..." He didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. "You know everything there is to know about me, Lily." Which was almost true. Lily was the only one at Hogwarts that knew the most truth about Severus Snape. She was the only one that he had talked to. And she would be the only one.
No one would ever know that he was half blooded. His mother was a witch and his father was a muggle. Sometimes he wondered if his father abused his mother because of that very reason. To prove that even though she was a witch, she had no power. That she was weak. He also wondered if that's why his father had never paid any attention to him except when he hit him. Because he knew that Severus would turn out to be just like his mother.
This was also the reason he was so interested in the dark arts. Even though for a long time he didn't know there was such a thing as magic he had wished often as a child there was something he could do. A curse. What he had done to his mother. No one would understand.
That's one thing he liked about Lily. She didn't try to understand because she knew she couldn't. Her family was warm, loving, and caring. But just because she didn't understand didn't mean she didn't listen. He loved that she listened to him. That she was comforting when he needed her to be and always strong.
"Potter is quite fond of you." He didn't know why he said it, but the words just escaped his mouth. His pointed nose snarled in disgust at the thought of James Potter with this wonderful girl.
"James Potter is a pompous jerk." Lily blinked unsure how to react or why he had even brought it up.
"I heard he asked you out." Severus said quietly as if he didn't want to show that he did indeed care.
Lily frowned. Why did everyone think the best match would be between her and James Potter? She was completely unattracted to him. The person she was interested in was sitting right in from of her and he didn't even notice. Or if he didn't do anything about it. "He did." She replied. "And I told him no that he made me sick. In more or less words." After thinking about it for a moment curiously she asked, "Why?"
Another blush made it's way on his face. "No reason." He said.
Lily sighed dejectedly. There wasn't any way he was going to make the first move even if he was truly interested in her in the same way. She knew him well enough to know that he was too shy for that. Still it frustrated her to no end. If anything was going to be done she would have to do it. She didn't want to keep this up forever. If nothing was going to happen between them she wanted to know now. She didn't want to waste her time pining after someone that didn't want her. Although she was pretty positive he did. At least she hoped.
"We've been doing this for months now. I'm kind of tired of it. I like you." He was shocked by her sudden outburst. "I'm not going to keep doing this. Either you like me or you don't. But I'm tired of keeping things a secret."
He didn't know how to respond. Not with words. Placing his hands on the back of the chair that was in front of him, he stood up and went over to Lily. Bringing her feet down on the table she had them propped up on she also stood up and closed the distance between them. Holding her breath she waited for a response from him. He leaned in and kissed her.
Wrapping her arms around his neck she pulled him closer to her. His hands slipped around her waist holding her in his arms. Neither one of them wanted it to end. They broke the kiss breathing heavily for air. Lily had kissed a few boys before, but it was nothing like that. That moment was one of those magical moments that she read about in books at home. The only girl that Severus had kissed was Bellatrix Black on a dare. Lily was ten times better. A hundred. A thousand times better. He never wanted to let this girl go.
"I love you, Severus." Lily whispered closing her eyes as he leaned his forehead against hers. "And I don't care who knows it."
Hearing those three little words made him happier than he had probably ever been in his life, but he somehow failed to say them back. It wasn't because he didn't want to say it. He wanted to say it more than anything, but knowing if he did it would mean there was no going back. And at that moment in time he was mixed up in some very bad things.
The Dark Lord was on his rise to power and Severus had vowed to help him along with his Slytherin gang. Lily couldn't be mixed up with that. He wouldn't let her be. There was a chance she would have been hurt or killed if they even thought about being together in such dark times. And turning against Lord Voldemort during this time wasn't even an option.
Lily had a worried expression on her face. "What's wrong?" She asked immediately noting the look on his face.
What was wrong? He was a traitor. A traitor helping the most power evil wizard of all time rise to power and invincibility! She didn't have to know that though and there was no way he could explain it to her. "Lily, we can't." He whispered to where she could barely hear him, but she did. He still held her close to him.
Surprised by this, Lily struggled out of his grip and pushed him away. "What do you mean 'we can't?'" She yelled outraged. "Do you care about me or not?"
Why couldn't she see it was more complicated than that? If he said yes knowing Lily like he did she would have done anything to be with him. None of it would have a happy ending though. There was a very good chance she could have been killed by the dark forces. If he said no...
If he said no his heart would be broken. Lily would never want to see him or talk to him again, but she could move on. She wouldn't be hurt because of the things he was into or what he was doing. She would be safe. They wouldn't have anymore late night conversations. Their secretive adoring stares in the hallways would stop. Instead she would look at him like she did Potter. A look of great dislike. But she would be safe.
"No." He finally said. "I don't."
It was a lie, but his talent in Occlumency made it believable. He could tell she was trying hard not to break down right here in front of him. Tears still formed in Lily's eyes, but she kept it together. She was always strong. It took everything he had to not walk up to her and brush the tears away from her cheek.
"Ok." Her voice cracked. Not waiting for him to say anything she ran out of the empty classroom. Severus ran after her, but stopped as soon as he reached the doorway and realized what he was doing. The only time he had ever felt love he had to let her go. With his back against the wall he slid down to the floor.
Things after that weren't the same between them. In the hallways when he desperately tried to make eye contact with her, her eyes quickly went to the floor. In class when they were forced to talk it was strictly on the subject at hand and nothing else. The only thing that remained the same was how she stuck up for him. When James and his gang continued to bully him, she would be sure to tell James how immature he was.
It killed Severus when she started dating James in their seventh year, but no one would ever know that. He knew eventually that she would move on forgetting about him, but why James Potter? He hated James more than anything and always would. There were things Potter had done to him that he could never forgive him for. But Lily. Even if she was with James Potter he vowed to protect her with everything he had. Even if she didn't know it. After all he would always love her.