Pain

Matty MacGregor Devory

Written in October 2006

Re Posted in July 2007

A/N : Okay people ! Here is a Vexen x Zexion really short one shot XD There is not enough ficts about them so I wanted to write one. Please, just keep in mind while reading that English is not my first language and that there may be mistakes... And I did not have a beta reader at that time.
I used the song "Pain" from "Three Days Grace". I don't own the song, nor the band, nor the characters from Kingdom Hearts.

--

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand

--

Zexion liked to hurt himself. He used anything sharp – a knife, Larxene's kunai, a pencil, even his own nails – anything he could sink deep into his skin. He was sick of feeling numb. Since he became a Nobody, the Superior had been telling him that he could not feel. Nothing. He had to get used to that fact. Sadly, he never got used to it. Sometimes – it could happen anytime- he would feel the urge to feel something. Anything. He didn't feel happiness nor sadness but he surely could feel pain. Whenever it happened, he would almost run – almost, because he was Zexion after all, not Demyx who runs in hallways when he is bored – to his room. He would lock the door, sit on his bed, take something sharp and wait in the dark. His brown eyes would stare at some invisible point in the wall until the urge to feel was too much. He would take his time to roll up the sleeves of his jacket, revealing numerous dark scars. He couldn't remember when it started, but he was sure it wouldn't end up anytime soon. The sharp object was then plunged deeply in the soft skin of his wrist. Pain would rapidly make its way all through his arm, reaching the elbow and then the shoulder. For this short moment, he would forget he couldn't feel because he felt the sharp pain. He would keep on stabing his tiny wrist until it was too numb to feel anything. He would watch through half-lidded eyes the blood drying on his skin, turning from crimson to almost black. After maybe an hour, he would wash the wounds, hide them under his sleeves and go back to his daily unchanging routine. His hands would shake, the pain being awoke by every slight contact of the leather on his burning flesh. How he liked this feeling. How he felt alive. He wanted to feel something else but it wasn't possible.

Pain was all he was worth for.

Eventually, the young Nobody hadn't thought that his bad habit could be known to the other members of the Organization. Telling the truth, he hadn't even thought about it. But now, he had no choice. He had to tell someone.

This morning, when he wake up, the pain in his wrists was unbearable. It was the first time it was that painful. Sitting on his bed, he looked down at the wounds. The skin was an angry dark blue and swollen. His fingers were numb. Something told him that it wasn't normal. He was not a doctor but he remembered something someone told him back when he was still humain. Try not to hurt yourself with that razor, it's rusty and may get your cut infected. His eyes were now resting on the knife he used last evening. Blood was drying on it. It was old, so old that he couldn't remember when he had found it.

Now standing infront of the lab's door, Zexion couldn't stop himself from thinking that he was such a fool. He hesitated, staring at the metal door with what could be called fear. He was going to admit to one of his superior, number IV, that he was hurting himself to feel something. It sounded so stupid and so childish. Looking back at his wrirsts convinced him to enter the lab.

It was one of the messiest room in the whole Castle Oblivion. On the numerous tables were resting test tubes, phials, bottles full of strange colored liquids, scalpels...

Zexion's eyes narrowed at the sight of the sharp object. It was glistering under the white lamp. Maybe it would go unnoticed to Vexen if he took only one... "What do you think you're doing ?"

The younger Nobody gave a start. Vexen was standing behind him, his arms crossed on his chest and looking really pissed. "Give me back this scalpel."

"I need it." Zexion replied, clutching the object in his hand.

Number four raised an eyebrow. "What for ?"

"None of your business."

"Listen number six, I don't have time to play your little childish games. Give it back now, I need it."

"Okay..." Zexion gave the scalpel back, his eyes never leaving the shining blade.

The blonde Nobody still looked pissed. "You are sneaking in my lab to steal my scalpels ? What the hell is your problem ?"

"I just wanted to talk to you."

Vexen couldn't hide his astonishment. "Talk to me ?"

Nobody had ever walked in his lab only to speak with him.

"I need your... help. I... hurt myself and I don't know what to do..." Zexion was blushing slightly but his long bangs hid it.

"What ? You banged your forhead agaisnt a wall because you can't see infront of you ? Put a Band-Aid on the bump and it will got away."

Now it was Zexion's turn to be pissed. "No Vexen it's serious !"

"Alright, let me see your wound then."

"I don't want to show them..."

"How do you expect me to help you if I can't see them ?"

The Cloaked Schemer's hands were shaking, but not only because of the pain. He could not feel but he almost felt like crying. How he wished he could cry.

Not looking at his superior, the boy rolled up his sleeves. Vexen couldn't stop himself from staring at the tiny wrists, bloody and scared. There were so many scars... Too many.

He swallowed hard. "What the hell happened to you ?"

"Vexen, please don't ask."

"I need to know, but first, sit."

Still shaking, Zexion sat on a table for there was no chair near enough. He needed to relax or he would faint.

Vexen had brought a lamp and was now examining the wounds closely. Some were old or not completely healed. For what he could see, they seemed to be... self-inflected. For once in his life, the scientist did not know what to say. If he had a heart, he would probably be shocked.

Slowly, almost with care, he bandaged the cuts. Even through his gloves, Zexion's hands felt so cold in his own.

"Why did you do that ?" The older Nobody asked softly.

"Because... I wanted to feel something. I can't feel anything beside pain." His voice was so shaky. "I-I know it's so stupid... It's..."

"It's not stupid. I want to feel sometimes too."

"I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all."

"I understand. But I'm sure ou can feel more than pain. In this world filled with hurt, happiness doesn't always work but it's still here." Vexen lightly poked Zexion's chest. "Feelings don't come from the physical heart we are lacking."

"We can't feel, Vexen. Xemnas keeps on telling us..."

" Xemnas couldn't even feel when he was human. But Ienzo had feelings and Even too. So we can feel."

"It's only memories of feelings."

"Do you want to feel something ?"

"If it's not pain, then yes."

Vexen reached forward and hugged the boy. He didn't know if what he had say was true, but now at least the kid seemed a bit more happy.

--

I know
That you're wounded
You know

That I'm here to save you
You know

I'm always here for you
I know

That you'll thank me later

--

Congratulations ! You have read the whole fict ! I don't know if you had understand it but please tell me what you think of it ! D