Half a Navigator

Don't own Ranma 1/2 or Disney.

Ryoga had been smashing his way for two weeks through the alternating heat and humidity of the Amazonian rainforest, the Congo, and some place with unbelievably large trees, a native called it Midworld and rode off on a three-eyed six-legged creature that leapt from one huge branch to another.

He hoped never to see that place again, though it seemed familiar somehow. He left at a dead run from a giant snakelike demon covered with silver fur and nothing but teeth on the end nearest to him. A perfect shi shi hokodan only slowed it enough for him to round a trunk and find himself in a pine forest that was cooler but still humid.

That night, once again in a hot, wet forest he set his pack down and lifted the flap to retrieve his tent and other camping supplies. Inside, what appeared to be a chunk of one of the blasted trees lay on his tent. It looked like a small slab of rosin or even amber. On the flat upper surface were growing a half dozen mushrooms with smiley faces on the caps. "Huh? Those look just like aging mushrooms except for the faces. Buwah ha hahahaha! That's why that place was so damned familiar."

A calculating glint came to his eye and he checked the height of the mushrooms with the ruler marks on his survival knife. They were all seven centimeters. He quickly, carefully scraped them and put them into a plastic ziplock bag. "Finally, Ranma, I can ruin your happiness!"

He tossed the chunk of 'amber' off into the trees where it landed in the crook of a tree. Immediately, woody neurons grew out to join with the wood of the tree, signaling the birth of a sleepy child in green bunting. Fortunately for the earth, this was a planet in a nearby star system as well as being an island surrounded by vegetarian pelagic life. The spread was limited, for now.

It had been a month since Ryoga had found the mushrooms. In that time he had crossed several continents, moved through thirty-six realities and destroyed three budding civilizations by ranting at a fulcrum point, or nexus of their history. He had turned at least two benevolent super species into paranoid, gibbering idiots whose version of Satan was now called Ranma, the Destroyer of Happiness.

Hild looked upon her great-grandson in the scrying mirror and smiled. "Kami-sama, for ruining my fun and dumping me when you found I was knocked up, Ryoga will exact my revenge! HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO cough cough!"

As the Lost Boy contemplated his depression by his campfire, he heard a shrill screech of "Ranma YOU JERK!" and saw his nemesis fly from Akane's window, above and behind him. The window glass fell about him as he grinned evilly. "I've got you now, Ranma. Your happiness is as dead as the leaves in winter. Heh heh."

The next morning Ryoga was waiting for Akane as she left the house for her morning jog. "Hi Akane. How is everything going?"

"Oh Ryoga! When did you get back?" The girl asked, while giving the boy a radiant smile.

"Ah. Err…I camped out in the yard last night and realized where I was when I saw you just now. A…uhh. Akane, while travelling I came across a recipe that I thought you could make for Ranma. It's a Cajun dish called blacken chicken." Ryoga reached into his stuff space and whipped out the mushrooms, some frozen chicken breasts, spices and a sheet covered with his scrawled directions.

Akane took the culinary ingredients in hand. "Why Ryoga. You're such a good friend. It's a shame that that jerk doesn't appreciate what you and I do for him."

"Well. Heh. If you fix that up…he will."

"I'll just take this stuff in and hide it from Mr. Saotome. Will you be here tonight to try some?"

"I'll try my best! But, you know my sense of direction. Last week I went into the restroom in Tokyo and stepped out in New Orleans." As Akane went back into here house, Ryoga grabbed his pack and immediately got lost. 'It's a good thing that Akane doesn't taste her cooking and Ranma's the only one that tries it any more. I'd better stay lost for a few days.'

That day at school Akane prepared the ingredients that Ryoga had given her in the Home Economics kitchen during study hall, unconsciously hiding the evidence by destroying school property instead of Kasumi's kitchen. The finished product was a flat, blackened pancake like mass. The mushrooms looked like raisins scattered over the top. Akane had, of course added a few things to enhance the flavor and had to flatten it with her mallet to keep it stationary. "I know. I'll just cover it with the melted fudge that class 3-b left behind. If it works for sweet and sour pork…"

At home, Akane set the instrument of Ryoga's vengeance on the low dining room table. The innocuous looking concoction had broken into chunks that looked like candies. Well, candies that had a barely discernible purple glow and smelled like the chocolate that hid…the underneath. She then ran out to the dojo to snag her fiancé.

As Akane disappeared, Nabiki entered the dining room. Her Tendo daughter chocolate radar kicked in. 'Kasumi, dear, thank you, thank you.' She thought as she grabbed a couple pieces. Tossing one into the air, it went down hardly touching a tonsil. As the second one was being chewed, she came to a horrified conclusion. Nabiki gave out a hoarse "Akane…" and ran for the porcelain goddess and Dr. Tofu's self service stomach pump, left behind from the last haz-mat crisis, not noticing the slowly changing fit of her clothes.

Ranma followed Akane into the dining room, curious as to what the tomboy was up to now. There was no pall in the air, wafting from the kitchen, so he reasoned that it couldn't be an Akane produced meal. Could it? The blue haired girl noticed that some of her concoction was missing. 'I hope that Ranma doesn't get upset that someone tried his food.' "I made something special just for you. It's a gaijin dish, sweetened blacken chicken."

Ranma's right eye began to twitch and his legs began to feel watery in a conditioned response. "Ahhh. Akane, ya know that I told ya that I don't mean any offense, but I ain't never gonna eat any more of your cookin." He slowly began to back away from his now glowing fiancé.

Before he could back out of the door, over five hundred pounds of panda connected to his head through a panda elbow. This stunned the pigtailed boy. A sign said, "Ungrateful boy!" flip "Eat the food that" flip "your loving fiancé" flip "cooked just for you."

Behind Genma, Soun was watering some potted plants strategically placed by Kasumi. "Waaah! My baby is taking bridal training seriously! WAAAHH!"

Kasumi walked in with a bag of groceries and took in the tableau with instant understanding. She began to frown at the two fathers with a significant expression. 'Poor Ranma. This can't end well.'

Akane took advantage of Ranma's temporary stupor and took several pieces of her dish and crammed them into Ranma's mouth and pounded them down his throat with the handle of the shinai that she pulled from somewhere. Reflex caused him to swallow, then reflux brought most but not all back up, spewing Akane from head to foot.

As Ranma was bent over trying to breathe, Akane's aura changed from red to black tinged with red and bilious green. "You goddamned bastard! This is what I get for trying to do something nice for you! Well GO TO HELL!"

As Akane wound up for the mother of sucker punches, she noticed that Ranma was now shorter than her without even changing gender. But that didn't distract her from the task at hand. With a cry of "Pervert Punch!" She sent Ranma through the Roof to rapidly dwindle to a small point and vanishing in the late afternoon sky.

At that moment, Nabiki walked into the room with a haggard look on her face and said in the voice of a child, "Akane don't let anyone eat that stuff you cooked."

Akane stared at her former older sister, "N-Nabiki…is that you?"

"Damned right! Your food did this to me!" Noticing the extra missing material from the plate, "And I guess it has done it to Ranma as well. I hope that you haven't killed him, Sis. I don't think I would be very credible trying to defend you in a courtroom now." She looked at the small hole in the roof with a serious expression.

Akane and Kasumi spoke in eerie unison, "Oh my!"

Ranma had been rising up to about ten thousand feet and had temporarily leveled off. A silver ship had been pacing him for the past five minutes, but the unconscious child paid no attention. After passing through some high altitude rainfall, she elicited a response from the ship, which began to approach her. A hole opened in the side, swallowing her before changing its own shape into a sleek, needle pointed craft that was leaving the sol system a few minutes later.

First chapter and not necessarily to be completed. Just an idea. Have a rough outline for maybe two or three more chapters.