Hundred Acre Pain in the Woods

By: KitsuneArasi

Disclaimer: I don't own them. But I do have a vendetta against Christopher Robin after playing Hundred Acre Wood in CoM. You have never heard a girl curse so much as I did at Pooh.

Note: No actual Christopher Robins were hurt in the making of this story.

At least not permanently…

Now, please enjoy!


"Why, hello there."

A smile.

The kid was smiling.

Quite friendly, he was.

Which was pretty damn amazing considering all the bad things Riku wanted to do to him.

This damn brunette.

It was all his fault.


"Riku? Is that your name? Well, it's nice to meet you Riku, I'm Christopher Robin!"

"I know." Riku nearly hissed.

This fairy boy was supposed to be Pooh's best friend.

Key words: Supposed to be.

So none of what had been going on was making sense to Riku's pained and irritated brain.

If he was Pooh's best friend, why wasn't he the one up to his eyeballs in problems dealing with the bizarre little ball of fur?

If he was Pooh's best friend, why wasn't he the one helping reorganize rabbit's cabbages?

If he was Pooh's best friend, why wasn't he rebuilding Eeyore's stick hut for the umpteenbillionth time instead of just finding him a real house?

If he was Pooh's best friend, why wasn't he helping Kanga repair the wreckage that had become of Roo's room?

If he was Pooh's best friend, why wasn't he running into branches trying to catch up to Tigger and get Riku's damn weapon back?

If he was Pooh's best friend, why wasn't he listening to Owl's forty-second story of his great uncle Albert (or was that Great Grandfather Hugo, oh no, no, no, no, it was—ARGH!)

And if he was Pooh's best friend, why the hell wasn't he the one standing in a conga line of talking animals with his boyfriend, getting felt up by a prudish rabbit, and trying to pull an overweight bear out of a hole each and every day?

Riku could cry.

All he wanted to do was spend time with his boyfriend. Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight and all that?

He loved his boyfriend.

He loved him more than life itself, otherwise he wouldn't be sitting here covered in bee stings (the oh-so-funtastical result of today's little Adventure with Pooh bear), waiting for his Sora to come back with some ointment, and trying desperately to keep himself from killing the little pipsqueak before him.

Key word: Trying.

When Christopher Robin asked him what had been going on in the Hundred Acre Woods recently, Riku snapped.

In true tv-mass-murder-coverage style.

Christopher Robin will be living with his impaired mobility for a while now.

And Riku still growls every time he hears the word 'Bear', even where the 'Pooh' has no relation.

But hey, Riku has his Sora…

And Christopher Robin has a motor-powered wheelchair, so it won't be so hard to get Pooh out of holes anymore.


Rage Against the Bear!


I know this may not have been up to par for some of my other works, but it suddenly hit me when I thought about it. Where the heck was Christopher Robin while Sora was busting his butt jumping around on tree stumps and fighting off hoardes of angry bees?

Anyway, hope you liked and please review.