Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru no go…I never will own an anime (sighs) but I always can dream . No did I write "Tears and Rain"James Blunt so p

How I wish I could surrender my soul;

Shed the clothes that become my skin;

See the liar that burns within my needing.

Touya Akira walked home, in the rain. The bag of groceries was clutched tightly and was cumbersome as he reached the door. Struggling he unlocked his front door to his apartment and stepped in. He sighed and turned the light on, the apartment sprung to life as the lights flickered on over head. The apartment seemed empty for some reason today. He looked around at the schedule for the upcoming matches. Shindo had been a no show for a long time. Why? Didn't he finally reach his goal on catching up to him? Touya shook his head, "Shindo, will I ever understand you?"

"I won't play you until I'm ready," Shindo had told him. It was the last time they officially talked to each other before he became a pro. Then the screaming match in the hospital, after the game after Mejin Touya and Sai was still locked away in his memory. There had to be a connection with Sai and Shindo. And now, Shindo was right behind him, he had caught up just like he promised. But something pulled at Akira's heart, something was wrong with "his rival". Otherwise, knowing Shindo Hikaru, he would be pounding on the door demanding a game.

He looked through his grocery, then muttered a curse. He had forgetten the lotus root that was the reason he had gone out in the frist place. A frown shunched up his face, "Damn you Shindo Hikaru."

How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.

How I wish I had screamed out loud,

Instead I've found no meaning.

Hikaru had gone out for a walk. It was very early in the morning.
The first time in a long time he had even stepped outside the house. His parents were oblivious to his sudden depression and skipping of meals. And that didn't matter. Now the reckless and worry took over his legs. Now they seemed to have a mind of their own as he walked right to one of the closet Go Salons. There was no shout of glee from the back of his head.

"Hikaru! Let's play! Let's play!"

"Ok, ok! You can play a game!"

Now the back of his head was silent. His eyes made the recognition and his legs once again took off in a complete opposite direction. There were no thoughts that passed through his mind, except one, Sai. He wanted to try and play anyone. Would he still be around? Why did he leave? It wasn't fair. Then a splash on his cheek caused him to look up at the sky. Then the downpour came. He was in the park, while everyone else was running towards the closest shelter. The water was cold, biting at his face and hands, slowly leaking into his sneakers. He did not care. He was too tired to care. He would endure it, maybe Sai would come back. "I should have left you just play Sai. I would let you play forever, if you would just come back. I promise. You can play every single game! Just come back! Please, Sai!" Then his vision blurred and he couldn't tell if he was crying or if it was the rain. Hikaru just stood and looked up at the sky with a lingering question, "Why?" As soon as it fell from his lips, the gray sky swallowed him whole.

I guess it's time I run far, far away

find comfort in pain,

All pleasure's the same

it just keeps me from trouble.

Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.

He didn't know how he got down the street. Everyone was just a blur as they pushed past rushing for shettler. He chuckled darkly; you think Godzilla was here, ne Sai? Again there was no answer in his mind. He sighed and just dodged a car that flew by, his blonde strains getting caught in the wind. There was another chuckle, he just realized where his feet were taking him. Back to the Go Institute, but his heart couldn't even bare to be in the same room as his Go board let alone a whole building that was built upon the game.

A rough shove caused him to loose his balance and shake his head at the stuttered apology. He just waved it off and continued walking in no particular direction. Just let the rain come and bring back Sai.

"Shindo!" then came a shout from a faintly familiar voice. Hikaru turned and was frozen, Touya Akira stood in front of him soaking wet glaring daggers at him.

I've heard what they say,

but I'm not here for trouble.

It's more than just words

it's just tears and rain.

Of all the people I run into, Akira growled angrily as he just barely saved his dinner from the gutter. Then he froze as he looked at Shindo. He almost thought it wasn't Shindo Hikaru, the boy who walked into his father's Go Salon and played a tutoring game. Only Touya was being the one tutored! No, that boy had passion. That boy had a fire that no one could put out, everything he did was a walking contradiction. His Go was incredible and yet he had to be an insei first, and then become pro, just like everyone else. Akira had learned that the hard way after a few interactions. Shindo Hikaru was an indescriblely difficult character to understand. But, this boy in front of him was dripping wet, sad, and hollow. He couldn't be Shindo.

"Shindo?" he asked again.

"Ah, Touya," Hikaru stated with a small smile and nervous laugh, "Gomen, Gomen,I didn't see you there."

"Where have you been?" Akira snapped. Wasn't it raining one of those other days when they were going at each other's thoarts? "Are you aware that you've missed your matches! What the hell kind of pro are you?"

Hikaru looked up from the cement, looking past him. Akira frowned, this wasn't the Shindo he knew, he would be spitting something at him and then dragging him off to play. Only for them to get kicked out or scare off the customers with their shouts over a single move. For a moment the rushing people did not matter, the rain was the only noise as it echoed in the streets and ran down both boys' bodies.

"Why do you care?" Hikaru asked darkly, "it's not like you know me."

That statement caught Akira off guard. He stuttered for a moment then said, "I've accepted you as my rival! And you've finally reached your goal! Now you're just throwing it away. I don't understand. Haven't you've been chasing me for all these months, for me to see you as my equal rival?" Why does it hurt so much at the fact that his boy did not seem to care. Why? This wasn't Shindo. It was like that second time they played Go only out in the flesh. There was no way to beat, let alone argue with Shindo. What was this feeling?

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;

Hold memory close at hand,

Help me understand the years

Hikaru didn't know how to answer Touya Akira. Frankly, he couldn't even think straight. Now, there were no answers because Sai wasn't here. Nothing really mattered. He just wanted Sai to come back. Touya Akira could play Sai, he would let Sai play Touya Akira any day, every day. Just bring him back. He shook his head, he couldn't let Touya see him like this, no the boy was right he hadn't come all this way just to cry in front of his rival. He gave a sad smile, shook his head and turned away. Then the world went from gray to black.

How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.

How I wish I would save my soul.

I'm so cold from fear.

Shindo turned without a response and then collapsed. Touya didn't know his heart stopped beating, but it did. He was running up to the boy who was only two feet away from him. His voice was incoherent and distant. The shouts to the boy reached deaf ears, he checked pulse and breathing, trying to remain calm. It was staggered but there. Then he checked his forehead, it was red hot. How long? How long had Shindo been out in the rain? He thought frantically, trying to get his mind in order. Then for some reason his body took over the thoughts of his mind as he pulled out his cell phone and made the call.

I guess it's time I run far, far away

find comfort in pain,

Hikaru didn't know where he was when he woke up. The room was white, surrounding with beeps, and uncomfortable silence. Weakly, he sat up and looked around, he was in the hospital. How the heck did he get in the hospital? He looked around the room and his eyes landed on Touya Akira.

The boy looked intense with worry as he paced back and forth in front of his bed. Long hair swishing to play hide and seek with his face, eyes were intense as when they played Go. However, the expression was foreign to Hikaru, it had worried etched in stone. "To…uya," Hikaru tried to speak, his mouth was dry and his vision was slightly blurred. For a second he swore, he could see Sai standing behind Touya and his heart skipped a beat. The beeping machine revealed that message, causing Touya to stop his pacing and thoughts and look up at him. At Hikaru. Not Sai. Shindo Hikaru. Then time stood still.

All pleasure's the same

it just keeps me from trouble.

Touya saw a swirl of emotions in Hikaru's eyes, his hand was reaching out to him, like trying to reach him again. Akira didn't know what to think as the boy blinked then a vacuum sucked up the light of his universe. Yellow eyes were once more a dull color without any hope in them. Touya tried to give a smile, this was so wrong for Shindo to act like this. Something must have happened, and it wasn't good.

"Shindo, are you all right?" he asked setting up to his bed.

Hikaru just stared at the curtain behind him, and slowly nodded, his voice did not come as his mouth moved. "The doctors say you're going to be fine. Just not to run around in the rain." Hikaru nodded silently, he looked still slightly warmer than usual. "I tried calling your parents but they're out." There was another nod, and pulling of the covers. "You should stay in bed, Shindo!" Touya just reacted and his touch held onto Hikaru's hand. Hikaru's Go hand was under his Go hand. The realization caused him to turn and look once again to surprised yellow eyes. They were eyes that were wide, glinting, and endless, like the milky way. His heart thundered in his ears and he didn't hear the voice as the pink mouth moved in front of him. I wonder, Touya thought only to suddenly realize where this was leading, he pulled away, almost stumbling back into the curtain. As soon as his hand was gone, the glinting of the stars faded from Hikaru and the hollow look returned. "Gomen," he muttered, feeling flushed now, maybe it wasn't such a good idea for me to be out all that time in the rain either. Now his heart was racing at an accelerating pace. I just wanted to ki…kis…kiss Shindo….Hikaru.

Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.

I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.

Hikaru was not aware of the world, until his hand came in contact with something warm and comforting. It had been a while since he felt that alive again, like he wanted to do something again. Then his eyes fell on his Go Hand, another hand rested on Touya Akira's hand. "To..uya?" he questioned only to stare up at concerned teal eyes framed by long blunt cut dark hair. They were eyes that were filled with anger, passion, and worry. Touya was looking at him again, it made him want to collapse and just cry all over again. For a brief second he was going to babble the whole thing and just let it out. However, the touch disappeared as did the face when the other boy pulled away. The warmth was gone once more.

Far, far away

find comfort in pain.

Touya tried to compose himself as he looked at Shindo, his heart was racing again and the flush was back stronger than before. How could I? It's Shindo…my rival! His thoughts were racing at the speed of light as he stumbled over the thought.

Suddenly, Hikaru's head popped up for a moment. Shit, what did I just ask?

"I can't tell you, right now," Shindo muttered looking down at his Go hand. Touya sighed, running a hand through his hair. At least I didn't confess my love to him. That would have really broken Shindo. Gessh, why can't I just act normal around this guy? Then Shindo sighed and looked out the window, "I should go home."

"Come back to my place!" Touya shouted before he could even think straight. Then again, I never did think straight with Hikaru…ah I mean.. Shindo. The blonde highlighted boy looked back only to still be shocked. Again, Touya's heart was in his throat as yet again the boy in front of him nodded solemnly. For some reason, he was relieved at the response but the manner of the response made him sick to his stomach.

All pleasure's the same

it just keeps me from trouble.

They arrived at Touya's apartment and the boy kept muttering sorry about the mess. Sorry about your dead sprit. Sorry that the only reason I care is because you have a crazy connection to Sai.. Hikaru just shrugged at the mutterings and look around. It was a nice apartment "would be better for perfect for two people" Touya's voice overshadowed his thoughts. Again, he nodded and sat where he was motioned to. Then he froze, he was in front of a Go board. I can't even pick up the stones and place them on my own board. How the hell can I play on Touya's board?

"Do you want to play a game Shindo?" Touya's voice seemed rather surprised.

"Huh?" Shindo asked staring at the boy who took his place across him.

"Do you want to play a game Shindo?" there was hope in that voice, but cloaking the worry. Then a man sat behind Touya, the man had a tall black hat and his face was covered with a fan.

"N…no," Shindo stated quietly looking down at his Go hand. Then the ghost was gone and Touya was Touya. "Gomen nasi, I shouldn't have come." He stood up and wanted to run out the door. Touya could wait, he wanted to find Sai, he needed to find Sai.

"Its ok," Touya stated with a smile, "I haven't eaten yet. Would you like to eat dinner with me? We can play later."

"NO!" Shindo suddenly shouted. His breathing was hard as he realized he was standing and Touya was in shock still sitting at the Go board. "I…I don't…want to play…Go." Tears were threatening to fall out of the corners of his eyes.

It's more than just words

Touya couldn't believe his ears. He doesn't want to play Go. He stood staring at Shindo, How can he not want to play, Shindo's Go was…Touya paused before he was about to shout at the boy. I was right, something must have happened. Then his eyes widened, something important.


Oh God, it had to have been Sai. Something had happened to Sai. No wonder, he's a wreck, he's not thinking straight. There's no way I can even think of playing him like this.

"Gomen nasi, Touya, I'm not the one your chasing after," Shindo stated quietly, "I…won't chase after you anymore. I'm sorry for wasting your time." Touya was in shock as he stared and Shindo was in his apartment and the door slammed the next.

His feet took off after Shindo, the boy hadn't gotten far, only to the bottom of the stairs. Again his Go hand grabbed Shindo's and he pulled the boy towards him. They're bodies collided with a graceful "oof ." His other hand was holding tightly to the boy in front of him, muttering again. Touya was faced with shocked eyes once more. Shindo's eyes were the milky way again only to pour into a meteor shower of pain. "Its ok."

"No, its not," Shindo muttered gripping onto his shirt.

Touya didn't know what to do as he saw the tears mix with the rain, he just held tight onto the boy and held him tight, "It is ok. It is ok." He just repeated to Shindo, ignoring the thundering in his chest as Shindo's wails echoed in the rain.

it's just tears and rain.

WR: Ok, so that was crap….BAH! I can't believe it took me two days to write that. It was hard. I had no idea of where I was going with it….Man, well I hope you all enjoy it. Thanks chibi for making me have to write a mini series in the rain p (This is my response to your Ordinary Day)